Michelle writing Freedom

Marlen
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Re: Michelle writing Freedom

Postby Marlen » 16 Apr 2012, 17:51

Hi Michelle - a point to take on in order to walk this point of 'consuming ourselves'
How is that I am so consume with work?
Work consumes me, because I have to survive in this world. The consumption of materialistic stuff that I need . Like Food, Water, and Shelter. Shelter is what I need.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience within myself because of having to eat, drink and live in this reality and judging it as a negative experience within me, without realizing that I have been the one that has created this experience toward the physical living-reality that I participate in, wherein I see that I am able and capable of walking my every day living by focusing on doing the physical tasks and work that is required to be done, without creating an experience out of it.

I realize that I am the one that is able to consume myself by 'thinking' and 'feeling' and creating experiences toward that which I see is essential and required to be done in order to survive in this world. I realize that this is certainly Not what 'life' is or is supposed to be - therefore I direct myself to be the point that stops all experiences toward my reality, my every day living in order to realize that I can only create a change in my world beginning with myself, stopping participation within my mind as complains that lead me to believe that something 'outside of myself' is able to consume me.
I forgivemyself myself to allow myself to acept myself to consume for materialistic stuff. I have no need for. Just breathing ,eating and shelter is all I need.
Ask yourself, what has lead me to consume stuff that I don't need? what is the experience within myself while indulging in buying stuff that I don't need?
What is my purpose of living life?
Purpose of life is eat, and breath. That is life in my prespective of myself.

How is life life suppose to be the way it is Now?
My presrective for myself life is not suppose to be this way, within myself its in grained into me saying go with the flow and life should be this way. Wich makes me see life in my own reality. I gnore whats around me trying to survive. Saying life will always tis way. Which its not.

I forgive myself to allow myself to accept with myself that life is always this way, My ego saying life is this way , its not.
You can utilize these questions to write down Self-Forgiveness on each answer that you have placed here - example

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to having a 'purpose' in life that I have defined as eating and breathing, without realizing that in this limited perspective of life that I have created, I am in fact manifesting my experience toward reality, wherein I have judged the basic physical sustenance in a 'negative' way, which leads me to create an experience out of living, without realizing that Life is Not an experience created by thoughts, emotions and feelings within my mind, and that I can actually allow myself to expand within my day to day living to walk a process to see what Actual Living can be and who I can become if stopping my mind and focusing on being here as breath throughout my daily participation in my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore everything that is around me as this physical reality, because of having allowed myself to 'think' life instead of actually walking here, breathing, participating in my daily activities without creating a judgment toward it, which is in fact the point that limits me to believe that life is something limited and constricted, which is in fact only the experience and perspective that I have allowed myself to diminish myself to be and become.

I realize that I am living the reality that I create as my own thoughts, beliefs, ideas, perceptions toward reality -therefore I stop myself from creating an experience by stopping participation in my mind and walking a physical-process of becoming aware of myself, as breath, here in every moment and every action, thought that I see myself participating in within my every day living.

So, for example when you already see that this is Not the way it's supposed to be, you support yourself to write down the actual way that you see it is common sensical to live by - this means that you go establishing your own solutions and practical corrections to stop any limitations. This is to not only leave the points as 'questions' that you definitely have the answers for within and as yourself, and instead create an immediate support that you are in fact able to apply in your reality.

How am I going blank?
Reason why my mind is blank, I go in denial of myself. I really don't want to do the process of self forgivenensss. But I have to be free. I conformed to this illusion of value system. Value seems to consume me. I read ads hear commercials. These very thing created in my mind "WANTS". I always want something I feel like it eases my mind. Not getting anything produces fear with in me. Always WANTS I end up in denial and diverts me in the process. My Ego.
So - suggest to apply the same point as above for this last point - the point here is to not leave the points 'there' and still accepting the limitations as 'your ego' and having it end there. No, we are here to rip open those 'fortresses' that we have built as ourselves and walk the necessary processes to walk the correction. So, become the directive principle of yourself: who are you willing to be and remain as within such words? Realize that we create our reality and experience according to our very own thoughts- thus we cannot possibly allow ourselves to remain in such a state when it is obvious that it's not best for all.

Push yourself every time that you see that you have not placed a directive-writing to correct the points you have shared, otherwise you are only limiting yourself in your own process as these points go emerging in your writing.



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Michelle Best
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Re: Michelle writing Freedom

Postby Michelle Best » 17 Apr 2012, 05:40

Pushing my point is like you take the words from my thought and trying to understand the point of that word myself. For me in my prespective is that Im not a complicated person. I guess I really learn to push myself. I was never good in school. Im just trying to make it simple for me to understand these point about me. What ever happen to simplicity in self fogiveness. Im trying not make it hard for myself. I will keep trying to write. Writting and words is not my best subjects. Especially for me.



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Michelle Best
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Re: Michelle writing Freedom

Postby Michelle Best » 17 Apr 2012, 05:55

Im not a writter, more lets figure this gadget out or finding the connection to myself or thing. Mybe I should look at myself like Im robot with gadget. Understanding how I fuction with in myself. How I have these thought programs. I need to find a way to simplify everything about me and how I fuction as me. I can't tell points about myself. I need to re learn myself.



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Anna
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Re: Michelle writing Freedom

Postby Anna » 17 Apr 2012, 06:18

Pushing my point is like you take the words from my thought and trying to understand the point of that word myself. For me in my prespective is that Im not a complicated person. I guess I really learn to push myself. I was never good in school. Im just trying to make it simple for me to understand these point about me. What ever happen to simplicity in self fogiveness. Im trying not make it hard for myself. I will keep trying to write. Writting and words is not my best subjects. Especially for me.
Hi Michelle. If you have a look at the words and the personalities here, there is a pattern in which you place yourself into (not only in this writing/situation). What is cool is that you are opening it up and exposing it to yourself through your words and in that you have the opportunity to direct yourself to stand up from it.

The pattern is playing out as the following:

Im not a complicated person
I was never good in school.
What ever happen to simplicity
Writting and words is not my best subjects.
Especially for me

Now, any one of these might be cool to say once and then one could say "I was never good in school, but I am here to change that so let's do it" - but as you see, this is not only one time. It is literally saturating your entire experience of yourself (as you describe it). Thus, it is a personality, like a suit we put on - here a suit of self-victimization and self-limitation. We literally become trapped in these personality suits that we convince ourselves is real ("it is too hard", "no one ever liked me", "I am a good mom" - it could be anything) - and from there we develop them and live in and as them until we believe that this is who we are, this is ALL we are.

But have a look at the physical evidence:

People have come here to Desteni who are dyslexic - highly dyslexic or who has never learned English, or who are drug addicts or are abusing alcohols, or who are extremely emotionally unstable and when they push themselves - because that IS the first step - they push through: they work with the dyslexia through self-forgiveness, they train their English (I have learned English through participating with Desteni for example) until they are effective, they stop using drugs and alcohol, when and as they so choose and they bring themselves to emotional stability through the simple and free tool of writing themselves to freedom.

So if we look at your experience in the "bigger picture" of the people that are walking and that have walked before you - it is simply not so. You are exactly as able and capable of doing this, as everyone else is. Some require training with language, some with emotional stability, some requires drug rehab - for each, that requires pushing through in brutal gentleness, not accepting limitation, being patient with self. Each has their point to work with and that they require becoming effective in, to effectively be able to write themselves out - if we were perfect already, we would not be here. We are all equally fucked, and all equally responsible for changing ourselves.

On the other hand, most if not all people have similar experiences as yours. They report experiencing extensive resistance - and it has been researched throughout the years by various people and have found that it is actually a point of change and transcendence that if we push through, will change us and our lives and the lives of those around us. People have found for themselves that they were dressing themselves in personality suits of self-limitation, specifically to avoid facing self in self-honesty and actually change. It is simply who we have become in our pursuit of happiness and eternal life. A program that runs on patterns of survival.

So - your experience if it 'being hard', of you 'not being capable of doing it', as a pattern consists of two (or more) parts:
1) Your past experiences/memories and how you designed this personality
2) How the mind uses our "weak/blind spots" to ensure that we don't push through the resistance. It simply does not know any better, that is as far as it sees: "I must protect myself!!!"

So if you have a look again at your writings above and in other places, do you see the pattern? And do you see the particular experience as "setting" you go into in the body when accessing this personality? Because if you do - and otherwise you can investigate it - you can utilize that as a "reality check" - so that next time you are sitting yourself to write and resistance feels like it is flushing over you through this experience of "i am not good enough" - you can direct yourself to push through by bringing this to awareness inside yourself: "This and that physical experience is what I have identified as connected to this pattern, so next time I notice that I am doing that - I simply stop myself from going into it and instead breathe and remain here."

See, resistance will take any form/point that you won't push through. It will keep trying all "tricks in the book" until it finds one that you will accept as real. Or put differently: it assists you by taking any form that you won't push through, so that you can see exactly where and how you require to push through. So from that perspective, resistance shows us "where we need to be" and the experience of resistance, the "NOOOO don't go there!!!" has been preprogrammed and designed deliberately so that we don't face or realize ourselves. (it is mentioned in the interviews that Marlen shared with you.)

Therefore it is up to us to push through - and that takes practice and patience and brutal gentleness with self. So realize that in creating these experiences and personalities, you are in fact manipulating yourself to remain enslaved to and as the mind, to diminish yourself, judge yourself, blame others - all because you are standing before a point that could change your entire life and life experience and ultimately that could change you. (read the following for further extended perspective: http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot. ... nd-me.html

So to recap, the words above are expressing a personality, based on memories and past experiences of not being good enough, but what self is doing is limiting self deliberately as self-manipulation in victimizing self to justify giving up on self, which has become a pattern and a personality that self employs. Patterns like these are preprogrammed into us to prevent us from realizing ourselves - and as such - is not real, unless we make it/accept it as real. This means that we can push through and say: "fuck it, I will do it anyway.", or "how can I practically make it simple for myself?" instead of allowing self to remain caught in the experience of not being good enough. So it is a matter of actively stopping participating in the thoughts and back chat and experiences through which we tell ourselves that we "can't do it." - and simply do it anyway. That is the best practical solution I have found. After a while, when we start realizing that we did not "crash and burn", we can start expanding ourselves and push through the resistance.

My suggestion is simplistically, to allow yourself to SEE directly that this experience is a pattern, a personality and that you can stop participating in it, by simply doing it anyway. Instead of focusing on the "problem" of how you see yourself - focus on the solution of how to practically assist and support yourself to do this.

Thanks for the share. This was a supportive writing for me to write out for myself as this is a pattern I have participated extensively in.

Thanks!



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Re: Michelle writing Freedom

Postby Marlen » 17 Apr 2012, 07:39

Hi Michelle, you've just got some awesome support by Anna here - and in response to your post in your introduction thread
So you mean stand up for myself and push myself . Don't let self push and supress me. Kind like that. Find the word that pushes me. Words I don't understand when it comes to myself.
and what you have written here, it is about giving you physical direction to write down all the limitations you are experiencing.

See that what can suppress you is you as your mind - thus in terms of 'pushing' is giving yourself a physical self-direction to first, Identify the beliefs that you are participating in, just as Anna have identified them here such as 'writing is not my thing' type of belief, which can be identified for what it is: a point of limitation that is stemming from a past experience of yourself 'not being good at school' and still replaying that same fear and limitation here. Thus, what do you work with? With writing out and applying self forgiveness on that belief and the memories that come up with it.

When we believe that we have a 'natural limitation' such as when we say 'that's not my thing' or 'specially for me,' we are implying that we are existing as 'unbreakable' limitations, and it is as simple as realizing that we live out what we create in our minds. A single belief within self-limitation can prevent you from walking through that 'point that can change your entire life' as Anna has described here, which I definitely agree - it might not only be 'one' single point, but the accumulation of a constant and directive effort to stop all forms of beliefs about 'who you are' as all that you are 'good at' and all that is 'not for you' which is just playing out the same limitations that have gotten ourselves to the current stage that we are living in within this world.

I am certainly not willing to remain in such a constricted pattern of believing that I am not able to stop a pattern that I know beforehand is detrimental to my ability to express and live. Thus, I do suggest you take on the point of being willing to learn about yourself from anew, stopping in an active manner any limitations as all the beliefs that have been pointed out - place your focus and attention on breathing and if a resistance comes up, then you write out about the experience upon the resistance, describe it.

See, we have 'made our best' to keep ourselves guarded off, keeping 'our precious' behind mud and stone that we believe is 'unbreakable' without realizing that we are simply facing the wall that we have built throughout an entire lifetime, it won't certainly be 'easy' if you continue re-loading the same limitations every time that you place yourself to write.

You can support you with keeping the points simple - yet in a way that you are actually explaining a memory, an experience and the common sense direction that you see is required you to live and apply.

The more we give 'power' to theses beliefs and limitations, the more we become it. I have realized to what extent a single word can create an entire experience within me that only through writing it out, am I able to start seeing how I created such limitation for myself. Thus, 'find a word that pushes you' means giving yourself direction to let go of all mind-limitations and will yourself to start with a simple point in your current experience. It can also be related to having to find a word that 'pushes' you and how you can practically create a self-corrective script for you to stop existing as such limitations - that's a basic step I suggest when facing the same point over and over again, this also supports in order to not generate the same judgments upon yourself every time.

You've got the tools, you've got very cool feedback stemming from similar experiences - thus, there is no excuse really, find it within you to actually walk this. Suggestion is to also read the articles, hear the interviews, there is tons of support for almost any experience that may come up in this process initially.

Thus, let go of any preconceived ideas about yourself. We have never faced ourselves the way we are doing in this process, it is 'understandable' that it is something initially 'difficult' - however, once that we see the benefits of applying ourselves, we certainly see that it is absolutely possible to get past beyond our limitations. And that requires time and dedication for yourself.

So, instead of arguing for your limitations, rather walk them through Self Forgiveness and see who you are within such limitations and what you are willing yourself to live by: a limitation/ fear/ memory only or an actual potential of being, expressing and living in a self-directive manner.

Bernard's quotes - supportive for the point here.
"To complain about bullshit is not necessary --forgive it and start again with clear dedication"

"Writing yourself as all as one to correction through self forgiveness and commitment to change is like breathing, effortless, unless the mind is in charge"

And last but not least, suggest to not underestimate the point of Breathing here, beginning with doing so consciously when you are placing yourself to write - do not accept any limitations from yourself.

Thanks for sharing, guys.



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Michelle Best
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Re: Michelle writing Freedom

Postby Michelle Best » 17 Apr 2012, 15:56

Thank you showing me , me. I feel as something is holding me back. I will figure it out.



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Re: Michelle writing Freedom

Postby Michelle Best » 18 Apr 2012, 07:11

I was just on youtube. I realize I have it with in me to stand up for myself. But I have to stand up against someone who not like me. All my life I ve been supressed ,shy and never out spoken. I was bullied in highschool. That was my past. I have a fasination for finding useless info. Like what is the meaning of life. What is the history of our world? what do I do on this world other then work? I always wanted to know we are not alone in the universe. All my life I ve been searching who is GOD. NOW I KNOW. I know we are not alone in the Universe. I feel like all my Question I wanted to know has been answer. Onething I do know I always felt like I have guide. I have these visions of a bird. Another did happen to me I tried to commit suicide. I had a vision of a man looking at me. He never said a word to me. But I understand what he ment when I look in eyes. Another thing about me. I been rob at gun pionted in my head. So those thing could be blocking me.



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Anna
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Re: Michelle writing Freedom

Postby Anna » 18 Apr 2012, 07:25

I was just on youtube. I realize I have it with in me to stand up for myself. But I have to stand up against someone who not like me. All my life I ve been supressed ,shy and never out spoken. I was bullied in highschool. That was my past. I have a fasination for finding useless info. Like what is the meaning of life. What is the history of our world? what do I do on this world other then work? I always wanted to know we are not alone in the universe. All my life I ve been searching who is GOD. NOW I KNOW. I know we are not alone in the Universe. I feel like all my Question I wanted to know has been answer. Onething I do know I always felt like I have guide. I have these visions of a bird. Another did happen to me I tried to commit suicide. I had a vision of a man looking at me. He never said a word to me. But I understand what he ment when I look in eyes. Another thing about me. I been rob at gun pointed in my head. So those thing could be blocking me.
No - standing up, is not something one can do based on a feeling or because "something inside" of oneself. It is a self-directed self-willed physical act, exactly as one would stand oneself up in the morning.

In the beginning, I could not understand how one could 'will' something into action, if there was no will already for it and that there was thus something wrong with me, because I did not have that 'self-will'. I was supported and supported myself to see that I could not expect for there to be "something inside me" that would "guide" me, because all I had ever existed as, was a lie - so I had to direct myself, simply by doing the physical, practical action of writing, simply doing it - not considering what I am "capable" or "not capable" of or anything. Simply do it. When participants come here to Desteni, we are often broken, beaten, self-mutilated, addicted, panicking, delusional and deceitful and we slowly but surely start realizing, that the only reason why we are not changing is because it is a matter of making the decision to stand up. It is that decision from which we begin self-willing ourselves to stand, and it is step by step, breath by breath, as we change ourselves and become stronger in our resolve.

So Michelle - you have been given lots of support on how to push through this point and start writing and start forgiving and changing you: now there is simply the actual pushing left.



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Michelle Best
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Re: Michelle writing Freedom

Postby Michelle Best » 24 Apr 2012, 10:08

Three days ago I got stuck in middle know where on a mountain. I was trying my best to get unstuck. But instead I bog myself so good I couldn't do anymore. I got of my truck picked up a stick and then sat on a rock. I was 12 miles from my delivery. I couldn't communicate. Cell phones didn't work on the side of the mountain. I was stranded. I felt I tryed my best to get out of this situations knowing it will cost my company a shit load of money to get me unstuck. I was worried. As I sat on the rock I look and I say pretty mountains and trees all around me. Onething I did notice it was complete silence all around me. I just sat there holding my stick. I couldn't think. I just beccome numb and shock that I would be in this situation. I gave trying because it was getting worse. I had thoughts, wanting to leave my truck and roam the mountains. I told myself I would be free. Roam the mountains and live off the land. It could of been a great oppertunity. All around me I heard silence. Silence with in me for the moment. I was free for that one day.
I decided to make a homemade backpack so I can hike to where ever I go. I have a box with 2 noodle soup and I was low on water. I decided to cook me one noodle soup and eat it. Still I hear silence. After I ate I went to sleep. I couldn't sleep. It was so silence even my thoughts were silence. Like there was nothing all around me. As I try to sleep I started feel fear in my stomach. Trying to get out. Because of the silence. I was completely alone, no sounds ,no thoughts. It was scaring me. Is this Ego revenge getting me stuck on a mountain or is this preprogramed for me to feel the silence. More and more I fear kept turning my stomach. I yelled a couple of time saying stop. Then I slowly cried. It was so silence. This silence in the mountian I never felt that way before. I got up I turned my 4 ways on. Let people if they come by know Im in the truck just in case. Then I started to calm myself. Adjusting myself to the silence. I fell asleep. I fell asleep to the silence. Not even a thought came into me. It was Pure Silence.



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Re: Michelle writing Freedom

Postby Marlen » 24 Apr 2012, 17:01

Hi Michelle

I can understand the entire experience for the Experience it created within you as this temporary 'loss of connection' to all that which is 'enslaving you,' because have a look how when we define something as 'freedom' it can only exist in relation to that which we have defined as limiting/ constraining/ enslaving. Thus, the perception and belief of freedom is actually a temporary fix we create within our minds to pretend that we can 'forget' about it all and have a nice experience - however, reality is always here and there is nowhere to 'roam free and hide in' from yourself.

So, what I would see is the tendency to want to 'escape' and believe that such silence is actually real, while in fact all that happens in such moments is temporary 'illustrations' on how our life could be if we dared to actually be for a moment aware of what is physically here and as such, develop a world system wherein no more 'enslaving' factors could exist. See how what you experienced is absolutely oblivious to anyone else, hence it is and cannot possibly be real freedom as none is free till All is free. It was a temporary experience of which I suggest you see the actual gist of the moment. This is to be looked in self honesty wherein the entire happy and 'fulfilling' aspect of the apparent silence is debunked to see how it was all created because of not having to be facing the world and your usual responsibilities - suggest writing out what would you want to 'run away from' as that will be most certainly the point to face here within the realization that we cannot really escape from facing ourselves, our reality, our creation, no matter how hard one tries.


From another perspective 'cool' if you could see how it is possible to be more quiet inside yourself - though it is to realize that you don't have to go up in a mountain to be 'still,' get yourself back on Earth because you can actually walk a process to be a lot more quiet even when and while being in the most 'noisy' events and moments throughout your day. So, I suggest to really take this experience down to Earth to see and identify the patterns that you've lived out and work with them. It is to realize that all such experiences only exist at a mind level and stay there as such, as a 'nice experience' to probably tell someday.

What really matters is what you are able to correct within the actual inner desire to 'run away' and 'escape' and even defining such silence according to only being in a particular set of events.

So, see for yourself what you can behind these events as the actual experience of yourself and how you can identify similar patterns in other aspects throughout any given day.

Thanks for sharing




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