Michelle writing Freedom

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Michelle Best
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Re: Michelle writing Freedom

Postby Michelle Best » 25 Apr 2012, 06:39

I know it was tempory but in that moment during that day I felt what its like to have the mind stop and hear nothing. I atleast experienced it on earth with nature and the mountains. When I sat and look around me for all the beauty of the mountains ,tree, animals and insects. I wasn't alone by myself. Understanding our enviroment knowing that everything is living is all around me. Yes , there was silence with in me and even my own thought. In this reality Earth is silence. So is every living thing on our planet. We tend to forget about nature it self. Because nature is part of us. I was stranded But I learned that fear was with in me because of silence. To be honest rather be with the trees, the animals and the mountain. They don't talk back. We are so complicated as human beings. We make thing complicated even within ourselves. I look at nature. Its so simple, What ever happen to simplicity with in ourselve? If you only experienced what I have expierence. To me its the enviroment that we are in thats makes us the way we are. Our thoughts and everyday life. We live with all indivisualistic minded people everyday that can easy currupt the way would think. When you blend in with the people then yor still currupt cause you have to live by these value system. I know you want changes. For me how can I escape people I could never escape. But embrace Nature itself and understanding nature. Humanity has lost that except for the ediginios people the ones who really do understand our planet. Look at our world. We are standing up against the currupt value system. I want to stand up against it to . Nature can't stand up for itself. We are the destroyer of nature. I rather be with the mountains ,tree, and everything thats living that can't speak. If Im escaping. Im escaping from a complicated , indivisualism, cold hearted ,greedy and selfish people who really don't give a shit in this reality that will never wake up and see equal money is they way. In my perspective.



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Michelle Best
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Re: Michelle writing Freedom

Postby Michelle Best » 25 Apr 2012, 06:52

Freedom, your right Im not free. Freedom to me is being on that mountain and expierence nature for the true silence. Look at Desteny Farm. Its in a middle of no where. Means there is silence except there in a group. Look at there enviroment. Its the enviroment and the poeple thats on the farm. To me there Free. Thats the freedom and they are part of nature. I respect them and there enviroment.



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Michelle Best
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Re: Michelle writing Freedom

Postby Michelle Best » 16 Aug 2012, 02:26

Its been a long while. I was searching for myself. Know that everyone on Desteni can write great detail about them selve. For my mind feel like its blocked. I make it hard for myself to know myself. I know I have layers of lies with in myself. Right now I feel all my focus is on us as a human being and our world. I afraid of myself because when I see other desteni writing there fears in so much details. Im not much a writer. Im realy a simple minded person. Common since is my survival in this world. I hate the word survive. I hate hearing from other people in the reality we live in Say"this will never happen. I don't I can be dedecated to this. Because mind wonders wanting know more. I know I alway end up back here for some reason. To commit into desteni is hard for me. To commit to anything is hard for me. All my life I could never finish what I started. I would like it at first , then I get bord so easily. I don't know how would I start. My whole life is boring. I had parents who says I can only go this far. Cause Im not good enough. Stuck into my head. Preasures of not feeling pressure even thoe my life what I been through. My friends do see as I see. So it hard for me to talk. Being alone alot in my job. Fear or do I fear. Can you fear with out knowing that there is fear. I feel numb with in myself, I feel like I have wriiter block. I can go on facebook whats on mind. But when I come here blocked. Like writting a boring book. I all I have on my mind.



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Michelle Best
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Re: Michelle writing Freedom

Postby Michelle Best » 16 Aug 2012, 02:44

Being lonely sucks. Guess my whole life is being alone. I was never part of anything except for the Army. my mind except the lonelyness. But I miss not being alone. I have a fear of being alone. My life was lonelyess. Until I met my X. She change my life. She people person, I wasn't. I adapted to lonelyness for a long time. All hear is myself Ego. I speak to myself alot. within myself and out loud. My only friend is Me and my Ego. I have friends in reality. My truck is escape from reality. I live in a truck. Im by myself. I either listen to music or listen to myself and my own Ego. I did self forgiveness on my ego. I hear nothing now. I just hear myself out loud talking to myself out loud to myself. Everyday. I drove trucks for 15 years by myself. Talking to myself. Having lots of thoughts to myself asking qestions. I mean I had a shit load of questions about everything wondering Why I exist. having purpose. Benard gave me an anwer for that. Purpose is bull shit. All the questions I ask myself are bullshit. I have nothing to say :?:



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Anna
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Re: Michelle writing Freedom

Postby Anna » 16 Aug 2012, 03:43

Hi Michelle. Cool to see you again!

In terms of writing, what I have seen for myself is that we often have a tendency to go into "writing mode" where we believe we must feel or experience something or where we become even more emotional than when we started writing.

So - what I have found is the most effective when starting to write is to:

1) Pick a Practical point in my day to day living that is bothering me
2) Focus on ONE point/experience/pattern/ ONLY
3) Write from a starting-point of investigating "who am I" in this experience/point/pattern? AND to look at: how could I live this point differently/in a way that is best for all? Meaning, where is it that I am for example being dishonest with myself
4) Write self-forgiveness on the points that came up in my writing
5) Write self-corrective statements and commitment statements - which is that which I see I require to change in my day-to-day-living. Here I write it out to give myself a practical guideline


On Point 1) where I pick a topic to write about - I have found that it is not often very effective to pick topics such as "my life" or "how I see my life" or "who I have been in my life" - because they are very abstract and not very concrete. So what one can do is to add such realizations within one's writing - but to make the topic of the writing VERY concrete, for example:

"Today when I reacted to that man in traffic that reminded me of my father and I started crying"

OR

"Feeling depressed today"

Then we can simply start with writing the actual practical points such as "when did it start?", "what thoughts came before?", "how did I direct myself?"

And so forth -

So suggest to don't allow yourself to give up and to let go of all expectations about how to write - and then simply keep it practical and related to your day-to-day living.



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Michelle Best
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Re: Michelle writing Freedom

Postby Michelle Best » 17 Aug 2012, 02:43

Hello Anna,
Writing is not my best subject. I go on facebook to learn how to express myself. Im not that expressive to myself. When I write I feel I give the wrong impression of myself. Sometime I skip word,not even know I skip words. Writting , I was never good at. Right now Im speaking out loud when I write. If I use my thought of not speaking ,some how my expression comes out all wrong. I write alot short sentences.

I forgive myself to have allow and accept my fears of myself for not being a great writer. Knowing Im writing and expressing myself write now.Saying Im not a good writer. By alowing myself saying Im not good writter is my ego telling myself I/we are not a good writer.

I forgive myself to have allow and accept my that fears with in myself Ego in thought that I/we always skip a word in my fears of not being a good writter. I feel Im not smart enough to write details about myself when I write.

I forgive myself to allow that ego thought of me of my expression myself knowing thought of fear of miss interpret what Im saying about myself.

I forgive myself to allow and accept by using my thoughs of not speaking is not me speaking, more like my ego speaking and controling evey thought expression of myself not be me.

I forgive myself to allow and accept that this reality of the charector of me not being a good writter . The charector of myself saying to myself as Ego being sucky writter.

I forgive myself to allow and accept that everthing as me in coutousness and uncoutousness know I not a good writter. I feel ego is controling ever thought of not wanting to write.

I forgive myself to allow and accept that everything about me is not being a good witter when I skip words knowing the Ego is fucking with me as I write.

I commit myself to know that I am a good writter . I can write.
I commit myself to not let ego fuck with me as I write self forgiveness for myself.
I commit myself to to speak for myself thats best for all.
I commit myself to not let my selfish ego speak for me when I write. I have to stick up myself and best for all.
I commit myself to write the best way I can write to express in my ability in writting . I will use my common since in writting .



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Anna
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Re: Michelle writing Freedom

Postby Anna » 17 Aug 2012, 02:56

Cool Michelle!
Saying Im not a good writer. By alowing myself saying Im not good writter is my ego telling myself I/we are not a good writer.

I forgive myself to have allow and accept my that fears with in myself Ego in thought that I/we always skip a word in my fears of not being a good writter. I feel Im not smart enough to write details about myself when I write.
Very cool. so we can simply start with what is here in the moment, which can for example be: "I fear I am not a good writer".

And then what you can do, is to start investigating for example: "when did I start believing/accepting that I am not a good writer? Am I comparing myself to others?"

And so the correction is not necessarily to then write: "I know I am a good writer" - because perhaps you realize that, "Yes, I don't have a lot of experience with writing and I see that it is something I have to practice and support myself within."

Another point to consider as well, is if we're sabotaging ourselves through believing that we're not good at writing. Because what do we do when we act on such a belief? We stop writing. We don't give ourselves the chance or opportunity to develop writing skills - and then what happens? We allow ourselves to remain the same, to not change and to not investigate ourselves in self-honesty because we can simply excuse it with: "well, I'm not good at writing."

So you can support yourself to, as you sit down to write, to not allow the thought of not being good at writing to direct you. And then you simply allow yourself to be patient and start practicing slowly but surely. It's the only way to learn something new: we got to give ourselves the chance.

Very cool!



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Michelle Best
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Joined: 25 Mar 2012, 07:02

Re: Michelle writing Freedom

Postby Michelle Best » 30 Sep 2012, 06:36

Ok Im back. When Im on the road I always have lots shit on my mind. When I want to write them down. I forget. Is it me within myself wanting to forget. Today I just had a repressed memory of my Dad promises. Me and Shelly where talking. She brought this word Want. That promise from my dad to go go carting. I still remember it since I was second grade. Its stuck on me because I wanted him to take me go gocarting. Im suprise of that word Want.
1. Myself repressed/depressed/sad memories of my past when I was little wanting to go carting.
2. My Dad didn't make alot of money when he was a captain.
a. Money was the problem in making me wanting to be depressed wanting to go gocarting
3. The promise of my dad being in my mind for so long
a.created my depression
b.created my enclosure of myself
c. seperated me from my parents
d.seperated me from my friends wanting to be alone
1.Being alone is seperation of self/me
2. My Ego me we created our seperation
3. Blame is what I use for an excuse
4.Want
1. Promise
a. Self Guilt
b.Self Petty
c.Self blame
d.Self Depression
e.Self Emotions
f.Self closure
g.Self Seperation
h. Self Ego with in me



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Juan Pablo
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Joined: 14 Jun 2012, 21:54

Re: Michelle writing Freedom

Postby Juan Pablo » 06 Oct 2012, 03:40

Ok Im back. When Im on the road I always have lots shit on my mind. When I want to write them down. I forget. Is it me within myself wanting to forget. Today I just had a repressed memory of my Dad promises. Me and Shelly where talking. She brought this word Want. That promise from my dad to go go carting. I still remember it since I was second grade. Its stuck on me because I wanted him to take me go gocarting. Im suprise of that word Want.
1. Myself repressed/depressed/sad memories of my past when I was little wanting to go carting.
2. My Dad didn't make alot of money when he was a captain.
a. Money was the problem in making me wanting to be depressed wanting to go gocarting
3. The promise of my dad being in my mind for so long
a.created my depression
b.created my enclosure of myself
c. seperated me from my parents
d.seperated me from my friends wanting to be alone
1.Being alone is seperation of self/me
2. My Ego me we created our seperation
3. Blame is what I use for an excuse
4.Want
1. Promise
a. Self Guilt
b.Self Petty
c.Self blame
d.Self Depression
e.Self Emotions
f.Self closure
g.Self Seperation
h. Self Ego with in me
Michelle, we are the problem, it is about who we are, thus, I would suggest to see who you are in that promise memory, wich is not supressed, as you could see it. So it is about who we are here, what relationship we have towards our memories, what thoughts, emotions, and feelings emerge. And there you have your thoughts/internal conversations, thus you can see what are they showing about who you are.

TIP: we will try to prove something through our internal conversations.

enjoy, and breathe.




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