Jessica A. --- writtings

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Maite
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Re: Jessica A. --- writtings

Post by Maite »

Lol - Cool guys

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JessicaArias
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Re: Jessica A. --- writtings

Post by JessicaArias »

Day#1 - Forgiving Myself.

Here I begin. Here I retake my way committing myself to not follow again my indecisions and my doubts.
Starting from 0 to stop those patterns I have admitted again when I deliberately sabotage myself and make a pause within my process. Suppressing and hiding to myself. Instead of observing the crude face I have and embrace that as One and Equal until I stop it. I forgive Myself


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing in myself doubts and indecisions.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow doubts and indecisions as a back door which I can open every time I want to hide and accept abuse within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself within the patterns of doubts and indecisions.


I stop doubts and indecisions within myself. I am not doubts and I am not indecisions. I stand and I clear myself.
I realize I didn´t stopped this patterns cause I followed keeping back-chats to myself as a way to feed my self-interest and to hide from Responsability and commitment to and for myself.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing back-chats within myself as keeping a 'door open ' to my pattern of hiding from things when they turn wrong.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing in myself the pattern of Self-interest.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear others.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize I fear to be changed - to change the definition I have of myself.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear committing myself to myself cause I cannot trust me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as unreliable.
(back-chat: 'I know myself'. )
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from Responsibilities placing the tag before me of 'unreliable person', so Justifying me all the time - Hiding and Protecting me from 'getting my hands dirty'!!!
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing within myself - Self-Sabotage!
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be hard upon myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing in myself hate towards myself.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can´t change.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say to myself I can´t change - therefore sabotaging and closing every door of opportunity to myself as myself.


I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to observe and realize I place myself as a victim.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to find taste in making me feel as a victim.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to like hurting me.


Unconsciously I find desire in Hurting me?-- that´s why i constantly sabotage myself
.
I stop Self-Sabotage...I stop self- hatred. I accept myself, I embrace Myself
I realize all my falls and all my doubts and indecisions are linked to the hate towards me.
I stop this hate towards me.

Maya
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Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 21:56

Re: Jessica A. --- writtings

Post by Maya »

Hey Jessica,

You couldn't have come back in a better time lol.
Watch this video and walk with us the beginning of our processes to become nothing.
2012: Nothingness -- the 7 Year Process to Birthing Self as Life
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJXczq0rPcQ

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Bella
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Re: Jessica A. --- writtings

Post by Bella »

cool support here, thanks for sharing Jessica and all!

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Garbrielle
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Re: Jessica A. --- writtings

Post by Garbrielle »

Very cool Jessica, thanks for sharing.....the resistances that you are facing is and has been faced by myself as well many times, through it though, I realize that these resistances are always going to be here and force me to always make a stand of who I am and what I am doing as I've learned that these resistances are part of the program that Anu incorporated within the mind design to stop beings from realizing themselves as such, a being trapped in a mind system. Last night I listened to this particular interview, and it was clear within Anu's words that, the resistance to process, to write, to stop the patterns, to voice oneself, ect. is but a program imbedded into the mind consciousness system and activated when one start to question themselves, and will always be there until self says til here no further and simply pushes through the resistance and get what needs to be done done. So basically it is to will self no matter what the case or resistance is there and do not accept and allow it to stop you as the being walking self to freedom through birthing oneself as life equal and one, this I am writing here for myself too, the tools are here for all to use as well as all of us here to assist and support each other to walk this process to completion.

Here is Anu's interview I discussed above for reference:
Reptilians - Guidelines through the Maze of the World-System - Part 20

Definitely suggest to consider what Maya has posted in the 7 year process of self forgiveness to birth ourselves to life, as it is a cool way to walk the patterns out and show self that I can do this through dedicatation to write and work with what is showing itself each day. This obviously when you are ready, so check out the video, it gave me great support to push myself and get this done.

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JessicaArias
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Re: Jessica A. --- writtings

Post by JessicaArias »

Maya wrote:Hey Jessica,

You couldn't have come back in a better time lol.
Watch this video and walk with us the beginning of our processes to become nothing.
2012: Nothingness -- the 7 Year Process to Birthing Self as Life
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJXczq0rPcQ

Hi maya :D
And Thanks Maya for the Link! i ´ll check it


Thanks Gabrielle for Reading and for the assistance
I also will check the 'audio-book!


Glad to read you all again!

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JessicaArias
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Re: Jessica A. --- writtings

Post by JessicaArias »

Day 2 -------
Stopping the pattern of Invalidating Myself.

Yesterday I realized that I am still hating myself - well, not only yesterday I observe this the only thing is that I didn´t wanted to face it for real and work with that, I was just suppressing myself and saying to myself that was not true and that I really, really love myself, but in fact all the situations I have been through - letting things imcomplete, defining me with Multiple personalities, not taking Responsability for situations in my life, letting others to do things for me and not being independent but dependant; specially of my mother, was the result of this pattern of Invalidating myself/not loving me treating me as nothing, as not important.


Since I was little I suffered the constant rejection of many school partners and I believe all the definitions and words they used to call me. It didn´t matter if coming home my mother and grandmother talked to me saying those things were said by people that didn´t knew me at all, I returned to school the other day convinced the other people were more than me. And I experienced this until my highschool and Career where I found people that accepted me and I began to grow my social circles, and not very much cause I had this fear of doing something 'weird' - as I define myself as and to cause laughs and critics from others. I as all my life crouching at people and invalidating me.


Slowly I started reading assistance from books as Louis hay, metaphysics and spirituality but in Desteni I found the real keys to open all this shit and forgive it.


I stand within my principle fear of being infront of people and to stop believing in the perceptions other people has about me, I 'learnt' to Stand as One and Equal and me and Alone; stopping the fear of being alone and not wanting and needing to have friends and people near me to validate me.
I faced all this situations in my last job and I slowly but surely transcend the fear of talking infront of people and being the centre of attention of many people which I attended to respond their doubts about their Visa applications and stuff. It was a great assistance-playground where I Stand from those fears.


They are not Completely, completely gone but I stopped a lot of patterns I no longer define myself as.


But there is more of course I have to stop and change - and within my pause within the Process I observed more and more, and I also corrected. That fear of 'saying'/ talking and not remaining Silent and Exposing people near me without the fear of making them feel sad or angry I practice it then; but also I make myself more bitter and angry. But I noticed I had more trust within myself to stop that pattern of being silent and tell others what was 'wrong' within the perspective of what is best for all!!
Although some doors were closed because of that I don´t regret anything. An example is an opportunity within a place to share and sell my crafts - slowly they were changing things in behalf of their self-interest. Like for example not letting us to use Electricity and they were more worried about the Money,----well, things like that, haha.


But my fall within my process was about the fear I had to change and to stop what I liked and I follow my self-interest and back-chats of saying that wherever I was doing it was not making any bad to other people in the world and that people and I follow the back-chats of asking me if I really wanted to help others.
Also I felt myself as not trustful and not worthy to continue walking with other Desteni Members this path cause I felt I helped more being away and not being hindering other processes with my doubts and indecisions. I also followed my mother fears and claims to the time I spent here at my computer, but I said to her that I was going to return to Desteni when I really were clear within those feelings I was following and experiencing. I wore the t-shirt although I am apart from them, but, criticizing them is like criticizing me cause the Principles and Values they Stand For are mine, the ones I was looking for since I arrived here!


But yes, in every path the fears and the Mind come to the scene and I faced those fears and Indecisions...and as my entry says Invalidations, cause I was accepting those programs of not Living those Opportunities to face myself and to stop the crude Me.


I am no longer as this and I am not going to fall again! This is what I am and the oportunity i was looking and rejecting this tools and assistance is like rejecting me.
I am here and I am more aware and Committed with myself and others as myself to assist.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I forgive that I have allowed myself to follow back-chats in order to hide from myself and to invalidate me as life.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to invalidate me when an opportunity presents within my life to change and to stop my mind.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear committing myself to myself caused by the fear of letting go the definition I have of myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to fear changing the specialness feature I think and believe I am.
I forgive that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate from other people by participating in feelings of being special.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect me from the the people that want to change the definition I have of myself
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect me from myself when I observe change.
I forgive that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow distractions and back-chats when I am in the process of removing layers within me, thus accepting and allowing fears and justifications to Stand and change what I am as the mind.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in other´s perceptions and ideas about me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place words in the mouth of other people using as a reference the past experiences and people words they used to define me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and to say I know what other people may think or can think about me using my past experiences.
I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself within my past experiences.


I don´t accept to participate in thoughts and feeling of fears.
I don´t allow and accept to participate in thoughts and feeling of hate towards me. I am not my feelings, thoughts and emotions.
I don´t accept to participate in past experiences. I am not my past, I am here, I am not my past experiences of me and from other people.
I don´t accept and Allow Self-invalidation.


I allow myself to be one and equal with myself , stopping the fears and the invalidations. I am self-acceptance, I Love myself and I no longer accept self-sabotage.


Whenever I see myself following thoughts, feelings and emotions of fear and Invalidation I stop and I breathe and I correct myself in that moment to no longer accept fears and invalidations within me and defining myself as my mind, as the backchats programmed in myself to not Stand and birth myself as Life.


Whenever I feel I am not worthy or I am not able to complete, do, walk me as myself I Stop, i breathe and I realize I am not those limitations I accepted as my mind. I am life, I am clear, I am Constant and I walk and stand as myself here without giving importance and validation to my mind.


Life doesn´t need Validation of any kind, of any one or anything. Validation does not Exist within myself cause I don´t need to validate me to do something, to Live, to Walk, to talk, to Accept Myself as myself, as life. I do not longer believe the idea that I need being Validated by others, or even by me. I am here, I am. I Am the simplicity of Being and Standing Here, Clear of all Mind-sets and Programs placed within myself.


I clear myself and I stop the constant search of Validation that is placing me ABove or Below of life. Of me as Life, of others as life. I am one and Equal to everyone and everything in Life, as Life.


I accept my self as Life!
I am Life
I am breath
I breath
I stand
I am Simplicity

Marlen
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Re: Jessica A. --- writtings

Post by Marlen »

Consider within the following point:
But my fall within my process was about the fear I had to change and to stop what I liked and I follow my self-interest and back-chats of saying that wherever I was doing it was not making any bad to other people in the world and that people and I follow the back-chats of asking me if I really wanted to help others.
I'm not that clear on what you mean here - however you did point out the idea of yourself and having that 'changing' is what you feared. So I suggest start writing more in depth what idea of yourself it is that you see yourself-as and what is it exactly that you fear losing. That's how you can really start opening up the actual points that created such fear of loss.

Also another point/ consideration is to see that we are not working with any 'I am' statements as they are currently not understood within the entirety of what they actually represent if actually spoken/ worded within the actual understanding of what it implies. It's quite easy to say 'I am Life' but, do we actually understand in all its implications what that means? Not yet - so, we focus on our reality, we bring our self-correction 'down to Earth' to actually make our writings a supportive foundation that we can read and actually use to direct ourselves within our reality.
Sunette Spies wrote:Spirituality makes their business off of fear - so, they really actually perpetuate the mind and fear and so the whole world-system - generating the illusion of love through the reality of fear, and the reality always remain = the illusion is the thing that must be generated through thoughts and 'I am' statements and so the more and more fear there is in the world, the more love illusions they can create inside themselves personally, and so - the world goes to shit while they bliss in their mind heavens

[...]

Self is in separation when only an "I AM" exist instead of a Living Here principle within what's best for all [...] when you only exist as a "I" within your mind, and only you exist within yourself and the considerations of your thinking, action and speaking - and not considering your thinking/actions/speaking within the context of what is/wil be best for all.
Bernard Poolman wrote:'I am' in context of the personality will define only some prefered dimensions that would form part of the definition of self interest and ego

'I am' spoken when it is not so in fact is spoken in separation and thus create the illusion of separated energetic personality


So, I suggest checking out some blogs to see how the correction is being walked in order to become specific and align our writings to an actual practical and supportive correction wherein we actually structure how we commit ourselves to correct a certain pattern in specific situations/ moments.

I found Garb's blog here very cool to see how you can write out the point through writing, then applying self forgiveness and the practical self-corrective statements that can actually be Lived in your immediate reality. Day 1 - Considering Others

Also consider looking at the point of how we project our own fears toward others wherein we end up victimizing ourselves while having 'others' as the source of the experience, while in fact it is always only about ourselves. This is to make sure that all points are always 'brought back to self' wherein no responsibility or 'reason/ excuse' is created and formulated toward 'others,' but actually take responsibility for every single action, thought and experience that has existed as 'being caused by others.'

Open up the points - what it is that you believe yourself to be, what is that 'specialness' consisting of, what is that self-definition containing - what is the change that you observed and feared the most which made you stop? 'Write the shit straight' - I agree with Lindsay, absolutely: do not allow any beating around the bush to face the actual nature of your thoughts, of your experience, do Not try to tamper it with 'positive thoughts' about it, I am well aware from my own experience how this is a great defense mechanism to not face ourselves. That simply must go in order to actually reveal yourself to yourself.

Opening up the points is then the actual way to go to not remain on a surface of the point, but actually be willing to go in depth/ face the truth/ going into the core of your thoughts and experiences. Remember, it is not to 'cover up' and 'make-up' for the past here and placing nice-experiences on top of what you faced, this is about willing yourself to actually Face what you created for yourself. This is the opportunity to write out and self forgive that which has been mostly always 'hidden' because of the nature of it, which is what creates still such experiences like self-hatred and any other reaction that can be triggered by virtually 'anything' if we haven't dared to open up the point and disclose it for ourselves.

We're here, we're all facing ourselves and support each other to do this - we simply require ourselves to be willing to let go of any attempt to only 'go through the surface of it' - rip the points open so that you can actually start 'freeing' yourself by specifying the experiences and the points to Self Forgive, along with practical corrective statements that you can actually live in your day to day-physical reality meaning: getting our writing to be really applicable and livable.

Thanks for sharing

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