Fears of people singling out my family members when they are on the street because they 'know' me. I have also seen a fear in my dad as well when he has 'gone up against' 'malicious forces'. I saw that same unsteadiness about him, as if it was pouring out of his face and body posture. And after a long process of self-fear peddling - I have allowed myself to pour it out of myself more and more whenever I am faced with particularly challenging circumstances involving people who intend to do me harm.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear for the safety of my family members
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear when they go out 'into the world by themselves'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in and live by the belief that people who 'may not like me' will extend some harsh treatment to those I know - I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how this is all playing out inside me as trigger events which I then lead into memories and then projections and fears and emotions. Therefore I do not allow my life to be defined and contained by a fear of members of my inner circle being harmed or removed from my existence.
I forgive myself that I have so deeply allowed myself to live as the fear of the loss of a 'family' 'member', I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise, and understand that my whole life has been around this fear of loss for my 'family'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as the fear of past memory moments where 'I' placed myself within a stressful position towards a 'thing' that was happening in front of me, and that because I did not understand how to deal with it - or even what this fear was, was not my fault.
And thus I cannot blame myself for reacting like this. I can however discover now what my fears really mean to me, like fear for a job, fear keeping it, fear when I don't have something, seemingly endlessly looking for something.
I understand now that how I have reacted to things in the past was not how I COULD have reacted to things in the past. But that now the point is to actually understand myself and how I have made myself 'tick' - so that I can untangle the threads of programming I have allowed myself to live by/as, and weave a more finer existence for myself within sound, common sense principle, in a way that considers and regards life, wherever.