Zakaria's Blog

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Zakaria Husain
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Re: Zakaria's Blog

Post by Zakaria Husain »

Day 257 - SF/SCS on Day 237 - On Taking Security Measures All The Time
Fears of people singling out my family members when they are on the street because they 'know' me. I have also seen a fear in my dad as well when he has 'gone up against' 'malicious forces'. I saw that same unsteadiness about him, as if it was pouring out of his face and body posture. And after a long process of self-fear peddling - I have allowed myself to pour it out of myself more and more whenever I am faced with particularly challenging circumstances involving people who intend to do me harm.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear for the safety of my family members

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear when they go out 'into the world by themselves'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in and live by the belief that people who 'may not like me' will extend some harsh treatment to those I know - I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how this is all playing out inside me as trigger events which I then lead into memories and then projections and fears and emotions. Therefore I do not allow my life to be defined and contained by a fear of members of my inner circle being harmed or removed from my existence.

I forgive myself that I have so deeply allowed myself to live as the fear of the loss of a 'family' 'member', I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise, and understand that my whole life has been around this fear of loss for my 'family'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as the fear of past memory moments where 'I' placed myself within a stressful position towards a 'thing' that was happening in front of me, and that because I did not understand how to deal with it - or even what this fear was, was not my fault.

And thus I cannot blame myself for reacting like this. I can however discover now what my fears really mean to me, like fear for a job, fear keeping it, fear when I don't have something, seemingly endlessly looking for something.

I understand now that how I have reacted to things in the past was not how I COULD have reacted to things in the past. But that now the point is to actually understand myself and how I have made myself 'tick' - so that I can untangle the threads of programming I have allowed myself to live by/as, and weave a more finer existence for myself within sound, common sense principle, in a way that considers and regards life, wherever.

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Zakaria Husain
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Re: Zakaria's Blog

Post by Zakaria Husain »

Day 258 - SF/SCS on Day 237 - On Taking Security Measures All The Time

When and as I see myself living in the moment as irrational fear of something a happening to my parents and/or family due to randomness or my past history with a person, slow my self down and I stop and I breathe. I direct myself to investigate exactly what it is that triggers me into going down this road of fearing for my family.

I will myself to realise and understand how this whole pattern of fear has been around since my childhood - starting with my mother who always used to say to me 'what will you do if I am not here to feed you' - at which point I would be like 'no - mum! I'm sorry' - quite comical now, but back then I allowed myself to go into and as complete fear of abandonment, fear of having to do things myself and not have anybody else fix my day to day problems that we encounter growing up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my mother telling me 'what will you do if I am gone huh?'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in this moment allow myself to go into fear projections about having to 'fend for myself' - I subsequently forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create this image of another world, an 'other' world which is made of all the fearful things I have seen up to this point.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to in this moment allow myself to believe that all of these images and memories I was playing within me - were actually real, and that they were actually 'going' to happen to me if I was placed in this motherless position.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being motherless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to be self responsible for myself in everyway.

I will myself to see realise and understand that I did not understand my past memories of being within and as stressful situations such as the moment where I see confrontation happening in front of me; I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see what was happening right here in front of me in the best way possible. And so seeing how I have placed myself in this relative position of fear - and that I am not actually seeing the situation for what it really is, as what is really happening.

I will myself to not allow myself to endlessly and fruitlessly blame and judge myself for how I responded in this moment of witnessing and being within and as confrontation.

I will myself to realise that this is an endless cycle of repeating this memory of how I believe something 'happened' to me from the outside; stopping me from actually dealing with the circumstances within myself as the fear and energy that I am totally self responsible for, and that I define my self as, and live as.

I will myself to see, realise, and understand that to stop myself from falling back on base programming, I must actually understand this base programming so that I can begin to start the process of creating a line of programming, with self discernment whereby I actually look at things in a way that considers and regards all other living participants.

And why should I do that? Because acting in the interest of all is like acting in my own self interest, but in the best possible manifestation of this 'interest' where everything is benefited by my thoughts, deeds, and words.

This is quite a standard of conduct to live by, I am seeing how it would require a total commitment, so why not just go with it. Is there really anything better to do in life?

So these fears that I constantly go into when faced with any point in my reality that triggers off this chain of responding 'in the old ways', of fear and imagining the worst case scenario. Of fearing 'getting into' a confrontation. Is this really how I want to live for the rest of my life? No.

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barbara
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Re: Zakaria's Blog

Post by barbara »

Hi Zak!

I placed a comment under your blog post and am copy pasting it here, too:

A suggestion for a correction statement – for example: When and as I return to the image in my mind of standing with my mother hearing her say ‘what would you do if I’m not here to feed you’ where I started to panic saying ‘no mum, I’m sorry!’, I stop and breathe. I realize that this is a relationship that I am allowing toward myself, within myself, wherein I am feeling scared, because my main point of survival is threatened. I realize that this image is not real as the memory is of a past moment: I am able to see, realize and understand that, even if I then would not have been completely able to fend for myself because I was dependent on an adult to take care of me, I am able to do so in this Here-moment now and principally every other coming moment, because I have learned how to care for myself as the grown-up I am now. I realize that every being has the responsibility to care for life that is not yet able to care for themselves, and along the same line I commit to stand within and as this responsibility for myself and for others as myself. Thus, I commit myself to stop any self-relationship of and as fear toward/as present or past moments and release this image and/or memory of the past.

Thanks for sharing, Zak!

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Zakaria Husain
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Re: Zakaria's Blog

Post by Zakaria Husain »

Hi Barbara!

Thanks!

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Zakaria Husain
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Joined: 12 Jul 2011, 05:24

Re: Zakaria's Blog

Post by Zakaria Husain »

Day 259 - SF/SCS on Day 237 - On Taking Security Measures All The Time
Then there is the suppression of my fears, like when I am in the middle of having a fear attack of something bad happening to me from another being,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see-realise-and understand that I am suppressing my fears through out most of my moment to moment living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being in a confrontation with another being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear when I hear someone making a jibe at me, or towards another who is around me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trick myself into believing that another person who is going through 'grief' around me means that I too am going through this 'grief'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise, and understand that there is no need to imagine that another person is going through emotions, and that furthermore I do not need to place the same energetic construct within and as me, so that all my words, deeds, and actions are from a starting point of this fear construct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being hurt physically by another human being, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself within a polarity of being hurt/and not hurt

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subtly exist as the polarity of being a state of pain, or not - and that somehow this is the sum of all my life and existence, when I can see that these two states are not actually real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear another person being hurt around me, not seeing, realising, or understanding how I am creating this play of fear energetics within myself - I am totally self responsible for this.

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Garbrielle
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Re: Zakaria's Blog

Post by Garbrielle »

Hi Zakaria, thanks for sharing.

In terms of fearing being hurt by others, what I have realized is that within this fear there is really a judgment I have made within myself about myself and within this I have compromised my standing with the other person. So for instance, creating a judgment that I am not as smart as some of my co-workers, seeing that I am inferior to these people, which will automatically create the fear of being hurt by them because I have put them now on a pedistle as being more/higher/superior to me by my own judgments I have created about myself - not being as smart. But really within this, it's not an absolute, maybe in some way they are more skilled in their job then I am, but that doesn't mean they are more in who they are, I also have the ability to learn that skil and do well in it, it's a matter of my own self will. So instead of judging msyelf and going into fear which constricts communication and interaction within myself towards my outer world, stop the fear, see reality for what it is, and learn from these other people, see how they operate and manage their skills, ask questions, interact and grow with what I come to learn and understand and put this skill into practice, live and become the skill as me. This all ways to transform the fear into a reality based practical application process instead of being stifled by fear and then not being able to move beyond it.

So I suggest to within these fears of other's hurting you, see where within yourself you have compromised your own self standing within a judgment you have created about yourself, and so placed a point of heirachy on another when in reality, we are all equal as life and you are the directive princple of you, so no being has or can define you but yourself. This having to be lived of course, but for me this is where it supported me to start to walk through these fears of others, seeing where it is I am creating judgments onto myself. Also, you can within this see where you become superior and make yourself feel more then others, completing the cycle that is balancing out within this polarity of inferior/superior creating the fears of being hurt in some points of your life (inferior point of the polarity) and thus the belief that you have power then over others in other points within your living (superior point of the polairty).

So just some more dimensions to look at and investigate for yourself, these have supported me to walk through the fears of others and how I have created such instance's in my life.

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Zakaria Husain
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Re: Zakaria's Blog

Post by Zakaria Husain »

Day 260 - SF/SCS on Day 237 - On Taking Security Measures All The Time

I will myself to work through my fear - thus when and as I see that I am participating in a fear I stop and I breathe and I direct myself to stand within myself - four count breathing all the way, until I get a grip on me, and actually note down whatever it was that swayed me into this fear. Thus actually I am seeing that by allowing myself to do this, I am doing myself a favour, an actual, real, favour, favouring myself.

When and as I see that I am inwardly projecting (what I believe) to be the fear of others - I stop and I breathe - and I direct myself to realise that their emotional state has nothing to do with how I am within myself - but as I can see I have internalised other peoples reactions and ended up 'taking up' these points myself.

I will myself to see, realise, and understand that I can breathe through these moments to the fundamental realisation that I am not these emotions I am feeling inside of me whenever I see another in a point of stress.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am being an inconsiderate person if I do not feel the pain of other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that feeling what others feel is something that is considered morally good and righteous

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a desire to be morally righteous and good without actually considering how this became a programming of me, how I trained myself into believe that 'in life I must always be morally correct'

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise, and understand how this perception of how I should be came from when I was young and being exposed to ideas of going to heaven, and there being some sort of ultimate reward if I 'passed' the test of this reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this reality is some sort of proving ground to establish 'where I go after I die'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my reason for existence upon the question of where I will be after life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the desire to obtain some sort of heaven after life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise, and understand how I take myself away from what is real by worrying about the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about a future, while not seeing, realising, and understanding that this future that I picture is not real.

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barbara
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Re: Zakaria's Blog

Post by barbara »

Very cool Zak!!

Also consider that parents often use the rule or idea that one ought to consider 'how others feel' as a point of manipulation, so that the child 'behaves' and adheres to a certain standard of behaviour, thus making it easier for the parent by shaming the child or making him/her wrong to say certain things or act in a certain specific way or vice versa by way of praise if and when the child suppressed his/her natural self-expression to accomodate this idea of considering 'how others feel'. So one trained oneself to not trust one's self-expression, but first think (go into the mind and project) how the other would feel - but from the starting point of fear of being told off. Thus it is a process of re-allowing oneself to trust one's self-expression within the realization that one is Here with the other 'enough' to realize what is appropriate, what supports and what is not acceptable, because one take oneself as a starting point in seeing, realizing and understanding what is acceptable and appropriate and what is not - for and as oneself.
So it's not about the others and fearing them in their reactions, but placing your starting point within commonsense Here with and as you and trusting yourself to be 'morally correct'. Because if you have a look at 'morally correct', you are able to make it a 'custom' (latin: mores - the customs, practices) to stand as the living 'correction' of how we've interacted with each other, thus 'morally correct' can also be placed to mean 'practiced/lived correction toward best for all', if you will :)

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Kim S
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Re: Zakaria's Blog

Post by Kim S »

Cool Zak and Barbara!!

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Zakaria Husain
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Re: Zakaria's Blog

Post by Zakaria Husain »

Day 261

Self forgiveness on resistance to getting up and going to work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have resistance toward going to work every morning.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise, and understand how it is me directing myself in the words 'do I have to, do I HAVE to?'

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise, and understand how I have in fact allowed myself to continue existing from childhood as the extreme loathing of 'doing things' in general.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as my childhood experience of not wanting to go to school everyday

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by this unwillingness to go to school or work everyday.

And so I look upon even stepping out the door as being some form of work. And so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as this point of belief that everything is some sort of work that has been placed here to punish me, not letting myself see that I am the one punishing me by allowing myself to exist from the starting point that everything is 'work' - and so should be avoided.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as the thought: 'I am being forced to do this'

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not place what I am seeing in my mind as the thought of being forced to work, into a reality perspective. Actually seeing what needs to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my vision of 'work' should be applied to actual real existence - and so when I look and I breathe I can see that the rest of physical reality is not defined by my misunderstanding of the word work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist going the extra mile every single day when it comes to my work projects, accepting and allowing myself to hide behind the justification of 'I'll be too tired' - not seeing and understanding how I am manufacturing this statement so that I can hide behind it and live out my life in the typical mundane sense of the word, where nobody wants to really excel and succeed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as the thought that 'everything will come by itself' and that according to this thought I just allow myself to sit by and 'relax' - not seeing and realising the practical reality of my situation - work in - work out.

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