I noticed you've been posting in this thread more regularly over the past few days. Though, I suggest - after writing out what you've been experiencing, to pull it through to self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements. The reason is that if you simply write, you bring the points before you for a moment, but they are not released and not directed if you don't also write self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements. After a while, this leads to a 'building up' of experiences within self, where you'll then suddenly have a whole lot of points to deal with - as you experienced in this last post. It's like all the points are being tucked away in a box, shaken and then opened where it then seems like a 'daunting' task to identify the different points and sort them out, each individually.
So - a general suggestion is to accompany your daily writing with self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements so that you don't accumulate the experiences of previous days within yourself - where eventually you have a whole 'collection' of stuff that is mulling around inside yourself, that then suddenly wants to 'come out' - because it requires your attention and direction. So - every day, let go of what you experienced that day, so that every day you start fresh and you're able to face the points of the following day.
I'll go through your post and give suggestions to the various points that you require to direct within yourself - however, take on one point at a time - don't try to work with them all at once.
I started smoking weed for a little over a week after stopping for like 2 weeks. decided to stop. I am going to fuck myself over if I don't. I will not only have legal consequences but also personal. combine those and fuck.
Here, I suggest investigating what thoughts/emotions/feelings 'tempted' you to start smoking weed again. In looking at these thoughts/emotions/feelings and writing about them, you'll be able to identify the underlying points that are generating the belief that you need/require to smoke weed. Once you've written about the thoughts/emotions/feelings and investigated the underlying points and you have everything laid out before you, take it through to self-forgiveness to let go of the past and self-corrective statements to assist yourself in directing yourself in moments where the same thoughts/emotions/feelings come up again.
I have been communicating with my parents to move to my dads farm. that way I can distance myself from the environment I am in.
Living on a farm is a cool way to become effective in the physical and grounding yourself in your body - especially if you participate in the daily tasks on a farm. However, I suggest you check your starting point within wanting to distance yourself from your current environment. Remember that the environment is a mirror of self and is therefore never really the problem. A difficult environment provides in that way a lot of opportunities for self to face self as self's 'buttons' will be pushed continuously - revealing the points within self that require alignment. Though, when one is not supporting oneself effectively yet within facing these points as they are revealed, then it will be experienced as though the environment is just too hard to be in and self will want to 'walk away' from the environment. But it is to realise that within walking away from the environment, self is actually trying to walk away from self, as you're actually facing yourself and not your environment, which is merely reflecting back to you who you are and what you're currently accepting and allowing to exist within yourself.
So - I'm not saying not to move to your dad's farm - but I suggest that you check your starting point: who you are within the decision to move away/why you are wanting to move. Because if the reason for the move is to hide from self, you'll be 'disappointed' in a way - because wherever you go, you take yourself with you. Whether you are in your current environment or on a farm somewhere, you'll be there and you'll still be facing yourself. In other words: you can't hide/run away from yourself. So - in relation to this point, I suggest checking your starting point and correcting it if necessary.
I am a bit conflicted right now because I like desteni and the goals and the people the dedication. I am curious about eternal life. I don't think I am the only one that wants to save themselves from a death were you just disappear. I don't see anyone talking about it on here. I would like to think that Bernard and Sunette have things figured out i feel sometimes that I am just following.
Understand that the point of process is not about eternal life. If you're walking your process from the starting point of wanting/desiring an eternal life, you're actually walking it from the starting point of fear of death. I suggest that it doesn't matter what happens to you at death/after death. You are here - on this world - right now - who are you going to be within that? Because we are here, we have an opportunity to correct what is here - that's what process is about: taking self-responsibility for ourselves and this world in its entirety. Even if the dimensions explain what happens after death, we can only create an idea about it. We can only really know/see/grasp what happens after death once we die - so, what do you know for sure about the afterlife? Is that you don't know anything about it and you can't know anything about it until you die. So, it's really not something relevant to concern yourself about. You're alive now, that's what's relevant.
I am still dealing with anxiety. I am prescibed a medicine that is habit forming and I don't use it to get high. I have abused it to try. it just makes you drunk feeling and not remember things. if I take it as prescribed it workes. the problem is. how am I ever going to be able to get off of the medicine if I don't find a way to deal with it without drugs or alcohol.
If anxiety is a problem that is affecting your life in a major way - I suggest utilising the medication as a bridge for now. In the meantime - assist and support yourself with writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements to stop the pattern of participating in the anxiety character. As you see your anxiety lessens, you'll slowly but surely be able to go off the medicine, as it will simply not be a requirement anymore. So - you don't have to 'find' a way to deal with your anxiety - you already know how to do that, you already have all the tools - now it is a matter of applying the tools and remaining consistent within it.
I find myself getting caught up in moral polaritys were I see myself as better than others because I stop weed. I have been working on that. seeing people as people, seeing emotional and physical problems as what they are not attaching morality to the situation.
The mind works in polarities and will always try to find a way to place itself in the superior position and will find anything as a possible reason for why self is more than another. So - cool that you're working on it.
The thing that is intersting is the belief that you are in control of your mind. I think to a certain extent yes
Lol - no, at the moment we are not in control of our minds - consciousness is in total control of the world. The point is not to attempt to 'control' your mind - because then you're again trying to approach the point from a superiority/inferiority perspective - where you're trying to stand superior to the mind. It is to realise that, at the moment, we are our minds - equal and one - and thus, we are the problem and it is ourselves that we have to stop and re-create/re-birth into life. For more perspective on this point, I suggest investing in the following interview: http://eqafe.com/p/life-review-i-believ ... to-my-mind
(Life Review - I Believed I Was Superior to my Mind).
I feel brainwashed, lol, in two ways, i feel brainwashed by my mind and desteni. I have found that being in a group that wants to 'save the world' find a solution for the madness here. I have found myself feeling better than others. if I am doing good example, have a job and am going to school, off drugs.
The point of feeling superior to others because of participating in desteni and your process is not a point of brainwashing that comes from Desteni/that Desteni did unto you - it still comes from your mind. It is your mind who is reacting to what you are doing and trying to make it into 'something more'.
so. I have some goals to get myself stable. workout everyday, eat healthy and thats kindof it.
Exercising and an appropriate diet can be a cool support - however, the best way to get yourself stable is through daily writing, including self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements. So, I suggest adding/incorporating this to your daily routine.
There is a feeling, that I want so bad. timelessness. I think its because when I was with my ex I sometimes felt this feeling of timelessness were I would not think about time and it was not relevant to me.
Within this statement you are separating yourself from timelesness and defining it within your ex/a partner/a relationship. Timelessness is simply - breathe in - I am here - breathe out - I am here.
hearing love songs is different now. The words. I understand the men and womens words talking about love and relationships. funny how i wish it never happened. being in a relationship. I wanted to experience love, to find a women to be my best friend and lover. I still react emotionally when I see her picture, i look at her and examine her face. I looked at her face almost every day, her expressions, manor isms, I try and hug myself in bed and rap my arms around myself, its not the same. well. im crying now.
Here, I suggest taking the time to write out all the unresolved points in relation to being in a relationship/wanting to be in a relationship and all the things you miss of this particular relationship you mention. Look at the thoughts/emotions/feelings that still come up in relation to it. Also - it's not to merely 'sum up' everything that you're still experiencing in terms of being in a relationship/wanting to be in a relationship/wanting to be with your ex - but to investigate what these points are revealing about your relationship with yourSELF. So, with every point that you miss, for instance - ask yourself the question: what does the fact that I miss this point reveal about me? Then write out what comes up. Then, when you've laid out all the points and you have brought all the points back to self in investigating what those points are revealing in terms of your self-relationship: apply self-forgiveness and write out self-corrective statements.
when I do self forgiveness sometimes I feel emotional about it. upset that I have done somthing and then forgive myself for it, I feel like there are times when I have done self forgiveness and its just words. I have repeated self forgiveness statements on specific things. Because I see myself continuing the behavior that I am forgiving myself for.
Firstly, understand that this process really is a process - meaning: it will take time to undo what we have been creating for such a long time. We've literally created our minds for our entire lifetime, and now we have to walk our life backwards in writing, self-forgiveness and self-correction. So - yes, you will find that it is hard to break old habits and this is necessary to test if you're standing is absolute or if there are still points that you're accepting and allowing. So - be patient with yourself. Every time you repeat a pattern that you had already forgiven, know that there are still points of self-interest that are compromising your stance. So, identify those points in writing, apply self-forgiveness, write self-corrective statements. If you find yourself getting 'stuck' in a pattern over and over and over again and you just can't see what points you're missing: ask for assistance - someone else may have a perspective that you haven't considered yet.
Secondly, if one continuously and deliberately ignores the forgiveness one has written and the self-commitments one has made - one is in fact abusing self-forgiveness and perpetuating self-distrust. In that case - address this point directly - investigating why self is sabotaging self in one's process deliberately in not pulling the realisations and self-forgiveness through to ACTION.
Understand that this process cannot be walked half-ways - we cannot choose to just write, or just forgive or just write commitment statements - this process includes and must include everything: Writing, Self-Forgiveness, Self-Corrective Statements and Self-Corrective Action. If one is not walking a point through in all these applications - then one must ask oneself is one is really serious about walking this process FOR SELF - or if one is merely trying to feel better about certain aspects of self.
In terms of all the suggestions that were given in this post - as I suggested before - don't try to do it all at once, it won't work. I suggest, for each point where I suggested you investigate something or write about something, that you write a blog-post for each point individually - where you walk just that ONE point through from writing, to self-forgiveness to self-corrective/self-commitment statements.