THanks marlen. crying right now. just the thought of my ex girlfriend. man. Realize that you are the only one that can make the decision of what you live and how you live it from here on. yeah. that is a fact. going to pilates class and then going up to visit my dad. I will have plenty of time for self reflection. so. its up to me. im seeing a phycologist. and... idk. i feel like it is just a part of the mind game. ok. bye for now.Hi Sean
First point to consider and remind ourselves about: you’re coming here to support yourself and that’s cool. This means that you can take what you have written out here and expand more on each point, how it is that you went into the entire relationship point, ‘falling’ in love and then out of it to lead yourself to a deliberate point of not caring about yourself/wanting to be 'offed' which is a common way to believe there is a 'way out' in this reality, while there is Non whatsoever.
What you’ve gone through is certainly not the end of the world, really, we all have had such moments/ experiences at some point in our lives. However you are aware of the tools to support yourself and as such, you can begin writing again to stabilize yourself. What you are going through is nothing else but a regular ‘mind breakdown’ which is experienced when we accept and allow ourselves to believe we are those feelings that then turn into emotions and all of it can only exist if we still believe those feelings and emotions to be real, without realizing how we are the ones making them ‘real’ the moment that we act/ make decisions based on such experiences.
As you can see, you can only lead yourself to further perdition if you decide to continue like that – it’s definitely not necessary and an actual point of self-abuse you can only take self responsibility for. Realize that thoughts like ‘wanting to be happy’ is what has paved the road to hell in this world – take a moment to see the ‘greater picture’ and how many beings are going through the same situations you are, all self created, all in the name of seeking such ‘happiness’ moment in separation of yourself – and this applies for anything else like weed and any other temporary way to not face yourself.
So, the decision to do so – facing yourself – can only be done by you. You can either decide to Live to commit yourself to life, to honor yourself and actually take self responsibility for everything that you currently exist as and make this life an living reality, or not. Here, the suggestion is obvious: you’ve had your experiences, you can assist and support yourself to actually walk the necessary process to take responsibility for your creation and walk the creation – this is not ‘the end’ even if it may seem pretty bleak at times, we can only decide what we do, what we live and how we live it.
So, in self honesty, you can walk the process of taking responsibility for all you created for you and your reality and then, share your journey as that’s what we are here for: supporting ourselves and each other to Live and forgive all the mind possessions that only existed in the name of self interest, believing ourselves to be such desires, such thoughts, such feelings in fact, without realizing that: we created the entire experience = we take responsibility for it.
Cool you’ve decided to come to the forum again, let’s walk the points here, share for further perspectives. Realize that you are the only one that can make the decision of what you live and how you live it from here on.
Breathe, assist and support yourself physically as well - you know the tools, so let's walk them here.
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