Sean's writing self to freedom

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Anna
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Re: Sean's writing self to freedom

Postby Anna » 18 Sep 2012, 23:15

Yes - cool Sean!

What could also be cool is to take one of these points that you miss in your ex girl friend or that you experience is now 'missing' and then write out about this one point - how you see/experience yourself separate from it/as it and how you see you could practically bring it back to yourself through practical application.

Thanks for sharing!



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Johnathan
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Re: Sean's writing self to freedom

Postby Johnathan » 18 Sep 2012, 23:37

I felt like she was helping me become more successfull in life. which in reality she was not. I was using her. i mean thats basically what it was. we were using eachother for our own personal gains.
Very cool realization Sean!



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SeanJones
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Re: Sean's writing self to freedom

Postby SeanJones » 20 Sep 2012, 01:50

Well. I had a great day so far. and i don't see any reason why its not going to continue to be one. I woke up went to my pilates class, then went out checked out this thing called fall fest at my comm college talked to people. I sumo wrestled too lol!!!! like with the fat suits. I won. 3 to 0. I want to go into that point of winning and shit, it was allot of fun and i am glad i did it.. I found allot of enjoyment in winning and telling others i won. but right now I want to talk about missing my ex. I miss the feelings and emotions that I created within myself when we were together. so I really don't even miss her I miss the feelings and emotions. I can see how it can be easy to mix it up and go on believing that the feelings and emotions are real and that she caused them. I caused them. I miss her because I felt like secure, I was glad to not be searching for a relationship anymore. I felt like. ok. i have my one. my girl. we love eachother foever now weeeeee happy love bubble lol. So I enjoyed the energy i got from the relationship. I enjoyed how It made me feel. I would ignore myself in it though. the relationship was what was important. So I lost myself within the relationship in energy and feelings and emotions. I gave into the changing another savior thing too lol. because I was smoking weed and suppossed to stop and didn't and lied about it. It was like. I wanted to transfer all the things I have realized for myself to her so that she would not ever have to go through any of the shit i have put myself through. Thats not how it works lol. So

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the energy I feel when in a relationship and to call this energy love.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the feelings and emotions I had while in the relationship to ruturn through finding another relationship.

I forgive myself for lieing to others out of guilt and shame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lie to myself out of guilt and shame.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed my starting point of wanting a relationship to be one of finding love.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is a special someone or the one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use a relationship as a way to hide from the relationship I have created with myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use relationships to ignore myself and to find comfort in knowing I have someone to have sex with and talk to always.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I always will have someone to talk to unless everyone dies and I am the only one left on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed emotions and feelings to determine what I do how I do it and were and when.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to move myself in the physical practically assisting and supporting the deconstruction and creation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will not be able to be anxiety free and that I will have it for the rest of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use woman for sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be used for sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear supporting myself and creating a relationship with myself because of fear of failure or falling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgement of others for picking myself up and finding myself and creating a life for myself that is not self destructive or harmfull towards all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being single for ever.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that not being in a relationship is what is best for me because of the way my life is currently going and what I am doing in it and with it.

Self corrective statement.

I commit myself to bring all points of seperation back to self and write out point by point what I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become. I commit myself to start supporting myself through physical means and to continue supporting myself through the physical. I commit myself to stop and breath if I see myself having feelings or emotions related to missing my ex and bring the point back to self and work through it as each point comes up.



Marlen
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Re: Sean's writing self to freedom

Postby Marlen » 20 Sep 2012, 05:32

Hi Sean, cool for sharing this.

I find it cool that you are taking this moment to write yourself and what you've realized over your past experiences and establishing your writings to see yourself, what you've participated in and within that deciding what are you willing to be/ do from here on as part of living the correction now that you see and realize how all relationships were in fact about what You experienced within you, and it was not even about the other person in fact, but how you created a relationship toward the person in your mind. Eventually all the feelings and emotions within our lives can be placed on the table to ensure that you continue establishing this relationship with/as yourself through your own writings, which is what matters here.

And I definitely agree with this.
I commit myself to bring all points of seperation back to self and write out point by point what I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become. I commit myself to start supporting myself through physical means and to continue supporting myself through the physical. I commit myself to stop and breath if I see myself having feelings or emotions related to missing my ex and bring the point back to self and work through it as each point comes up.
Cool!



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Anna
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Re: Sean's writing self to freedom

Postby Anna » 20 Sep 2012, 07:12

Very cool Sean!
I can see how it can be easy to mix it up and go on believing that the feelings and emotions are real and that she caused them. I caused them. I miss her because I felt like secure, I was glad to not be searching for a relationship anymore. I felt like. ok. i have my one. my girl. we love eachother foever now weeeeee happy love bubble lol.
lol - yes.



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Johnathan
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Re: Sean's writing self to freedom

Postby Johnathan » 20 Sep 2012, 07:56

so I really don't even miss her I miss the feelings and emotions. I can see how it can be easy to mix it up and go on believing that the feelings and emotions are real and that she caused them. I caused them.
Cool! and cool sf



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SeanJones
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Re: Sean's writing self to freedom

Postby SeanJones » 20 Sep 2012, 18:20

I had a dream that my girlfriend called me and wanted to get back together. She was saying how she fucked up and that she wanted to be with me. It felt real. I have a doctors appt. so cant right everything out just want to place this here for now. I was a little upset when I woke up and found out it was a dream.



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Lindsay
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Re: Sean's writing self to freedom

Postby Lindsay » 20 Sep 2012, 19:04

I had a dream that my girlfriend called me and wanted to get back together. She was saying how she fucked up and that she wanted to be with me. It felt real. I have a doctors appt. so cant right everything out just want to place this here for now. I was a little upset when I woke up and found out it was a dream.
Cool that you placed this here as a point of accountability Sean - definitely will be supportive to write out the experience within/during/after the dream for yourself as dreams are showing us points, especially within our subconscious mind, that we aren't dealing with directly - so, this is surely a point to take on, as it is showing itself here.



Gian
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Re: Sean's writing self to freedom

Postby Gian » 20 Sep 2012, 21:27

Will wait for the whole story. = )



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SeanJones
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Re: Sean's writing self to freedom

Postby SeanJones » 02 Oct 2012, 22:03

i feel scatered unorganized. in my mind. so. I am working out. i am trying to make myself happyer through physical exersise and just breathing and making decicions based on what is best for me at this point. I get caught up and frustrated at the way things are. I need to stabalize myself if I am going to work out and keep myself busy. I sometimes wonder if I am actually capable of walking my walk. walking what I talk. doing the things I plan, changing myself from the inside to make a change on the outside. I feel hopeless sometimes. yesterday I did. It is a blessing and a curse to know I am the one who directs my life. I have thoughts. lots of them. I try and ignore them and be the best that I can be. their there though. The word hater. its funny. because it is quite on point when you break it down. It seems no matter what I do to better myself people say yeah right whatever, you wont really do that, thats impossible, your a pussy, overthinking, underachieving. So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get personally offended when somone insults me. I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that no matter what people say at the end of the day I am here and what I have done during my time is my contribution to the world as a whole. so. I feel like I am talking to myself. but at the same time people read this. so. here i go again no weed. I am going to be so fucked if I do not stop now and I litterally feel like i have dug a hole and I am inside of it. I can climb pretty well so I should be fine. just want to write here. just talk. I am currently trying to move to my dads house away from this situation. I have to deal with legal crap and stuff first. fines to pay off and license crap to take care of.




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