Juraj's blog

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Juraj Varga
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Juraj's blog

Postby Juraj Varga » 26 Jul 2011, 21:55

Just walk

I’ve put off my shoes one evening, because walking in that shoes became problematic as that one has been broken, and I continued walking home barefoot.

I noticed how long I didn’t walk at the ground just without shoes, yes sometimes near be lake while swimming but this was different, as this was regular walking some distance.

And I’ve put my foot on the grass and I enjoyed the grass and next step and next, wet grass under my feet and I walked onto sidewalk and it was little bit warm as it was evening of summer day.

I’ve continued and I focused on my breath and the touch I experience with my feet, and also focusing to do not step into some broken glass or something which could harm my feet.

And it was just me, walking and enjoying this simplicity, focused but calm.

Thanks, Juraj



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Juraj Varga
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Re: Juraj's blog

Postby Juraj Varga » 28 Jul 2011, 19:29

Me and water

As a child, I had maybe 8-9 years, once I swam in the lake, not big one, but for me it was enough. Approximately in the middle of the lake, it was like losing power to continue, it became harder to control my muscles.

It frightened me as I realized that if I’ll lose all strength I’ll drown. I saw people at the ground as people are tanning at the summer days and I wanted to scream on them and ask for help, but I even did not had strength to scream.

So I realized that if I can’t ask for help and no one is around me to help me, it is me who have to help myself and it is me who have to do it and get all powers needed to get back on the ground.

Thus I focused just only on that movement, on swimming, on muscles, breathe, nothing else. No fear, no useless anything, just me doing what’s necessary.

I successfully get back on the ground, and at the same time I was really proud on myself, that I did it. No one knew this, no one I told to, why should I, it was just me and water.

Thanks, Juraj



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Juraj Varga
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Re: Juraj's blog

Postby Juraj Varga » 30 Jul 2011, 21:19

Me and water – Calm and Wild

I went through strong water turbulence with my kayak called “ bath “ and after I get off from “ bath “ the protection around my hips which is placed to prevent water pouring inside the kayak was withheld and I saw that in my boat lot of water get in.

I felt that kayak became hardly controllable as with such big amount of water in it became slightly sinking down.

I realized that I will be not able to get through next water curves and “baths “ as the last part of the water canal was really wild so I wanted to get with kayak near waterside to get off successfully.

But the water jet was stronger than my ability to control boat and I realized that I will not be able to even get to water side and that I have to go through last part of water canal and through all baths there and curves.

So I was just able to made last maneuver to straighten the boat with the water jet but it was hard, almost sinking and as the protection was down I realized that I will not be able to go through as next bath will drown me down completely.

Simply, at the moment I knew I will go under water with kayak as the water stream was to strong, at the moment I knew I will not do it, impossible in such circumstances.

As I was in the middle of the bath the kayak became completely full of water and uncontrollable and the water starts to play its own game. I was just able to throw away paddle and prepare myself to get off from boat while I will be under the water.

Kayak and I turned to right and I am in the water, not breathing, just cold and darkness around me. I just feel strong turbulences of water, I catch the sides of kayak with my hands and I want to pull out myself, but something is wrong. My legs stuck in.

Also the position of the boat was not “usual “as the beginning of kayak remained stuck under some rock and the end was up, the fact that boat was full of water complicated all of this.

I tried to fight the situation and involve as much power as possible, nothing happened, but I didn’t panic, I was prepared for such situations, not exactly this one but I practiced different ones before.

Fast moments passing and I realized that I let my legs on sides of kayak so I couldn’t pull myself out so I straighten the legs and finally get off, how easy it was.

I had to get at the water side which was problematic in such water jet but I did it, slowly moving myself on the ground with hands, legs, completely exhausted, tired, just breathing and sitting there.

Nothing existed in the moment.

I had to go two times more through that canal that day, but something happened within me, inside me. I started to feel strong anxiety within me, I knew that this experiences changes a lot.

I lost the courage to go again, so I used all excuses possible to my couch to do not force me to go again. He didn’t.

Next day I practiced on that canal, the maneuvers in the water and waves, I noticed something, the way how I approached it changed.

I lost courage, I lost trust in me. The respect I started to put in the waves in front of me, and experience from previous day, where I created anxiety within me, was end of the sport I loved the most.

Kayak on wild water, and me, I loved that, and at the same time I started to feat it. No one I told to, why should I, it was just me and water.

Thanks, Juraj



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Juraj Varga
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Re: Juraj's blog

Postby Juraj Varga » 31 Jul 2011, 18:17

Me and water – silent

Some time ago, I was swimming at the lake, not too much, maybe just almost to the middle of the lake. I decided to go back, and as my condition is questionable I became little bit tired so I turn on my back and slowed down.

Just only tiny movements I did, focusing on my breathing, on my tiny movements, in water, silent. In that moment, there was nothing within me, just me and water. I felt nothing, no pain and no fear, no desires and no memories, no projections and no expectations, noting within me and I enjoyed the silence of me. My mind was silent, me breathing.

In that moment, I was safe, it was like experience safety, like nothing can happen to me and nothing can harm me, nothing can move me, within me, and I enjoyed this moments.

I would like to experience myself without anything within me each moment, as I was, it was just me and water.

Thanks, Juraj



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Re: Juraj's blog

Postby Juraj Varga » 27 Sep 2011, 22:19

Me and water – Don’t give up


When we finished last round of race, and all competition has been finished, we decided to try to go into canal in reverse, against water jet and get to the beginning of the canal.

If the water jet would be in original force we would not be able to even pass first bath, but when in water plant lowered water-level, it looked more doable.

So beginning from down, first third of canal was really easy to pass as all baths and whirlpools as they lost the strength, second third made some problems to us, and some kayakers gave up to try to get to our finish, and in the last third, only 3 of us remained and there was last “ tongue “ created from water, the last point to achieve, to get through, but most powerful and most hard.

As we paddled I noticed that my strength will not last much, as this was really hard part, I noticed the shouting from our couch from the right side as he has been screaming a lot on us to gave us some “ guts “ to make it.

And he scream – Hop, Hop, Hop, Hop, and I paddle the fastest way I could and I am noticing that I am on the same place, I do not move back or forth in water jet but my speed is negated by water speed. The guy from my left is giving up and going on side, and me and my friend remained in frenetic paddling rodeo in water jet.

I realized that if I will give up, it was worth nothing, just one moment, If I allow to give up and it will be done. I looked on right side, couch still screaming like mad and my friend giving up, going on other side and I remained alone.

I become really tired, exhausted and I knew that if I will not do it fast in short period I will run out of my strength and will not be able to do it anymore. And as I still paddle in the water, suddenly I feel that kayak moved just tiny piece forward and I realized that it is possible to do it.

I didn’t want to give up, no way to give up, so I even made last strongest movements and I feel that I overcome with kayak the zero point and I move forward and I get through “ tongue “ and I did it.

Yes I did it, tired as hell, and cool was, that also my couch shut up and remained silent. He was maybe satisfied that at least one of his guys could do it, but I was really proud on me, not that I was only one, or that I did it, I was proud that I didn’t gave up.

Thanks, Juraj



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Juraj Varga
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Re: Juraj's blog

Postby Juraj Varga » 27 Sep 2011, 22:20

Consistency – Breathing - Ego

I noticed interesting points within me, when and how I am loosing consistency in breathing during the day.

Mostly, if I am in conversations with someone, lot of times I go into information and knowledge instead of sharing me in the moment. I have to change this, I have to be able to remain here no matter in which type of conversation I am in.

Conflicts, last period in my life, maybe 3-4 months, are from certain perspective most conflicting period ever, and this is due to the fact, that previously I was scared to be in conflict and I tried to avoid this for any costs so lot of times I simply remained silent instead of speak. This changed and I see that speak directly without bullshiting lot of times brings conflicts, and I see that sometimes I am falling in this. Main point – ego.

Ego wants win in conflicts and once I lose my breath I am not necessarily escalating conflict for the purpose of ego to win and to be right. But this is nice bullshit because I tried for myself, in conflict to still remain with breath and I was able to communicate without changing voice tonalities, without that sense to be right or want to win.

Within that I found another interesting point, sarcasm. From ego perspective it is like hidden, that If I can’t win so I go into sarcasm, and this is nice bullshit also, because in conversation there is no need to win at all, it is just sharing, nothing more nothing less.

So, I need to be consistent within this and not allow myself to be led by the mind where I do not want to go.

Thanks, Juraj



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Re: Juraj's blog

Postby Juraj Varga » 27 Sep 2011, 22:20

Self forgiveness

Firstly I understood forgiveness from religion concept that something wrong had to happen and than it could be forgiven. If I do something wrong than I ask for forgiveness or I forgive to someone.

But let’s have a look, if nothing wrong/bad exists and nothing good/right exists from polarity point of view, how than I could do something bad or judge myself as bad if it is just my perception, my judgment, and therefore my own created sense of sin or guilt ? And ask for forgiveness?

How can I forgive someone else, if the behavior of others is based on their own judgments and has nothing to do with me?

But if I look on this from perspective of self forgiveness, it is different. Bernard was/is/will be right about this point, that self forgiveness is procrastinated, avoided, laughed on, avoided, denied, etc.

Because, self forgiveness has really nothing to do with any concept which humanity created, especially nothing with any religion.

Firstly, I really didn’t understand at all why I should forgive to me anything, I thought I am fine. I was not. I started to use self forgiveness, I started to write, I started to speak, and mostly I experienced huge tiredness, immense that I was hardly able to hold myself awake or move the body or do anything, I simply had to rest. Effect of the mind, where through self forgiveness mind is “ hacked “ .

I mostly wrote the self forgiveness points and sometimes I spoke it, I see that to do it as combination - write it and then speak it is more effective.

I went through the points Bernard mentioned in the book, mostly in my case it was procrastination with self forgiveness, avoiding it, or wanting to hold to some specific point and not to let it go, or not doing self forgiveness complete, or even abuse it, or condition my self forgiveness, or use it only on things within me which I didn’t liked and not on things I liked, or forgive only specific thoughts and some remained as part of me.

Interesting if one comes to the point, to forgive oneself, and let it go as the past which is not here. Most effective I was in regards of my emotions, things which I judged within me and things which I really didn’t liked to experience as anxiety, fear, imagination, sexuality, perception of my body, thoughts and judgments, with breathing also, of course.

Still I see, many more points will come, as I am aware which points within me I was not able to transcend and I am still holding into, also I am aware what I was able to change.

I have to say, as I slowed down, how my daily experiences, moments, reactions, thoughts, etc, started to changing and stopping, I started to see differently people around me, my environment and firstly, I started to see differently me.

Mainly, my experiences, the calmness which started to enter into my life, rush and energy is fading away, slowly and surely my inner peace started to enter into my life, and still, I am saying, I am far from the point where my inner peace will be wholeness as silence as me.

Once I look on my life, this is the way which is really worth, self forgiveness is the way one can open the door for inner peace to enter into one’s life, to open the door for real self to stand and let go the fake personalities.

In last period, I wrote lot of SF points, I didn’t publish it, why not? I thought to me that anyway no one is reading my SF, or no one is interested, or no one care, this point comes from my childhood when I experienced myself as alone where no one care about me.

But anyway, if this will help someone, or if my SF will be inspiration for someone to step forward and try for himself/herself and utilize it, it will be cool.

So I will publish my SF points, of course those which are written.

Enjoy, thanks, Juraj



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Re: Juraj's blog

Postby Juraj Varga » 29 Sep 2011, 15:39

Self forgiveness – why self?

If I experience/experienced some judgment/emotion/thought/perception/sense/fear/etc, thus it means I created it. For whatever reason, for whatever point, it is me who created this experience, it is me who allowed and accepted this.

People have tendency to misplace their own experiences and project and blame some external person/point for that what they experience. It is not so.

If I fear something, it is me who is creating this experience and this fear, because for example:

As I was young I was bitten by wasp, and it hurts, I didn’t like that experience of pain, I was bitten also another time to my tongue, when I ate some fruit, and this experience of pain was really bad, and there was some another places in time and space when some wasp bite me. Each time I was aware that it is nothing crucial and I will be ok, but as this experience repeated over and over, I started to charge this experience as negative and connect to this small being “ not likeness “ and judge this being as bad or useless or and I started to create within me fear towards small being, called wasp.

And this being is many times smaller than me, and I can smash and kill this being and by curiosity, it is me who feared this and not the wasp. Wasp cannot do me anything at all, except of some experience of pain which will my body cure in few days. When I saw the wasp, the picture of this triggered automatic reaction in my body to run away, or to move out from the presence of the wasp. Strange, how irrational this is.

So, who was the one responsible for created fear? The small wasp which I see flying around, or me through my past experiences? Obviously, it was me. Only me, nothing else.

That’s why self – forgiveness, because each experience I/we have, I/we are responsible.

And self forgiveness, it is just tool, how to release oneself from accepted and allowed behavior, judgment, emotion, how to free self from the never ending cycles of imprisonment in judgments, fears, ups/downs, reactions, imagination, living in the past and in the future, to became the living being which live here, as life not bounded by anything.

Thanks, Juraj



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Re: Juraj's blog

Postby Malik's » 20 Oct 2011, 23:06

Consistency – Breathing - Ego

I noticed interesting points within me, when and how I am loosing consistency in breathing during the day.

Mostly, if I am in conversations with someone, lot of times I go into information and knowledge instead of sharing me in the moment. I have to change this, I have to be able to remain here no matter in which type of conversation I am in.

Conflicts, last period in my life, maybe 3-4 months, are from certain perspective most conflicting period ever, and this is due to the fact, that previously I was scared to be in conflict and I tried to avoid this for any costs so lot of times I simply remained silent instead of speak. This changed and I see that speak directly without bullshiting lot of times brings conflicts, and I see that sometimes I am falling in this. Main point – ego.

Ego wants win in conflicts and once I lose my breath I am not necessarily escalating conflict for the purpose of ego to win and to be right. But this is nice bullshit because I tried for myself, in conflict to still remain with breath and I was able to communicate without changing voice tonalities, without that sense to be right or want to win.

Within that I found another interesting point, sarcasm. From ego perspective it is like hidden, that If I can’t win so I go into sarcasm, and this is nice bullshit also, because in conversation there is no need to win at all, it is just sharing, nothing more nothing less.

So, I need to be consistent within this and not allow myself to be led by the mind where I do not want to go.
Thanks for sharing Juraj,
I've found this to be a particular difficult point to manage aswell. I tend to react very strongly to ego and the sarcasm that is projected, as if using sarcasm makes it a valid argument, it can be, but just because it is wrapped in sarcasm it doesn't mean that the argument is valid, if you know what I mean. Anyways I still react, and most the time I just end up concentrating on stopping my reaction, which is a good start, but it also sort of limits my participation as myself in groups, atleast vocally.



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Re: Juraj's blog

Postby Marlen » 21 Oct 2011, 08:48

How I have and I'm walking this point is first of all slowing myself down and not rushing to participate 'as the mind' which 'wants to be in all' for the sake of that recognition point from others as the confirmation of me-as-mind existing here. Then I see that whatever I am going to say is here as the moment within the starting point of common sense and within the context of what’s being communicated - this is the actual moment of 'decision making' wherein we can either go and choose to express knowledge and info for the sake of keeping ourselves in our 'safe boundaries' or we actually state what is here which might not always resonate as 'acceptable' within the bounds of our current reality which is ‘where we wanna go’ if we are here to challenge the accepted ways of the world wherein supremacy is given to thoughts that keep the same old system in place.

It's quite interesting to actually observe how the mind would say 'this' or 'that' for the sake of puffing up one's ego in any way, I mean, virtually we get to the point wherein we can assess where does every single commentary as the specific choice of words or how any seemingly ‘fleeting point’ comes-from and the intention behind it, which can enhance our entire self-definition as the mind instead of simply communicating within common sense here.

So, in the beginning as we go establishing ourselves and defining for and as ourselves what is speaking as self in common sense and what is speaking only as the known ways of the mind, I simply had to stop immediately answering/talking back ‘as usual’ and literally give myself some breathing space-time to see where were such words coming from - was it myself wanting to re-establish myself as 'what I know' as a safe-comfortable space as the mind or me supporting common sense as that impartial point that all can relate and see is what’s best for all – which is the type of perspectives that are often disregarded, overlooked or deliberately neglected in our current reality.

Then, as we go seeing the common sense points that can be directed and thus expressed through ourselves in our physical reality, we start communicating ensuring that we are no longer supporting the same systematic ways of existing only as a blabbering ego of knowledge and information, but we become a literal spokesperson of that which is best for all – common sense - once again, not often said or even understood which is how we're able to assist and support ourselves/others to see and find the common sense in any given usual 'conflict' or everyday living situation wherein there could be something not seen/ understood when defending or ego, or someone’s interests or anything else that stands as a point of separation. This way we become a point that expresses a solution that is applicable in simplicity, in the moment and enable others to see how easy it is to do that for themselves as well.

This is how we go placing aside the ego every time we tend to only speak as the 'known safe space' where no conflict is created between people wherein the usual patting of backs takes place even if each one knows that what’s been communicated is dishonest and not actually supporting anything in such exchange of words.

Then comes the times when we rather ‘keep quiet’ for the sake of remaining ‘safe’ and not having to stand up within ourselves to exert the obvious common sense we see in any given situation, but may fear to express due to any type of mind limitation to not do so.

Fear of conflict is something that leads us to then remain silent as the ‘safe spot’ to remain in where no one can attempt to refute our self-beliefs on 'how things are' and 'how things work' within our mental schemes. So, daring to confront ourselves through expressing ourselves without the usual drive for 'wanting to prove oneself right/wrong' - or the opposite as fear of having our world and idea of self debunked as 'knowing more/ less' or any other polarity degradation like that - is actually of great support to see that we only feared speaking out of 'losing our egos' which are only mental ideals and creations of ourselves that stand as the safe-zone wherein we're used to ‘ourselves’.

We tend to then go into seclusion wherein we remain 'safe' without seeing that the only thing we can fear losing is when standing as egos fearing losing ourselves as the ego - which is quite ludicrous. We can only react to anything if we are defining ourselves as anything for that matter which is like already taking 'one side of the coin' instead of embracing ourselves as both sides.

This is how changing the starting point of sharing ourselves in the moment and walking away from communicating as the ego that seeks to be recognized, approved, praised or valued by others accordingly takes place as we allow ourselves to actually communicate, express in common sense and within doing so start living the words, becoming our own confirmation of that which ‘makes sense’ within the bounds of this reality.





Within embracing ourselves as common sense and walking as that point that communicates and expresses in common sense, there is nothing to lose and instead, we can in fact create an opportunity in real time for other to see things in our reality with a different perspective, one that is often obfuscated by the usual veils of the mind that stand as desire to be right, to ‘know the most, for power/money and a bunch of fears as limitations to not confront ourselves and our own creation.

So, suggestion is to simply allow yourself to not 'fear' losing yourself as ‘an idea’ and instead embrace common sense and equality as the point that we live by and thus express and communicate within wherein we can support ourselves and others to see how brainwashed we've been to complicate our existence just for the sake of 'watching each other's backs' as personalities/egos, nothing else but a bunch of minds keeping the bubbles intact. Time to burst them at all cost.

Thanks for sharing and opening this point up Juraj and Malik.




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