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Re: Danielle's Writings
Posted: 27 May 2018, 09:22
DAY 19: What Works Well Together And Slowing Down
I have wanted to eat healthier for a long time. What got in the way of this happening is several events that has set me back in my progression within all parts of my life. Despite the setback, I had managed to get a job, a place of my own, and psychological assistance/support from a psychologist. I did not need to see a psychologist, but my psychologist is pretty awesome so she remains in my life. So, now that I have a stable grounding after the setback and have spare time, I want to change myself completely. I want to change the way I eat, how many hours I sleep, what I participate in, how I behave, and I want to learn lots of skills.
One skill that I want to advance in is learning what ingredients go well together. I grew up with parents who did not teach me how to cook or what foods go well together. That was because the food we had was our survival food and due to lack of money we didn't have food that we could mess about with and/or be creative with. We had to eat that food so my parents never really wanted us in the kitchen. That was my whole life I was told ''Out of the kitchen until dinners is ready''.. So, going into adulthood, I didn't know much about cooking. I knew the very basics by watching, but not what works well. Once I got a job I was able to buy food that I could use to be learn with. However, I never had the time when I was working to learn. Now that I am not working, have the time, and know a little better, I am able to LEARN. I watched some vegan recipe videos and found some that I liked.
There was another problem that got in the way of me learning. That problem is that when I go shopping I do not write a list of ingredients that I will need down. I simply focus on my memory, but these ingredient are unfamiliar to me so I end up not remembering them. It doesn't make it easy for my shopping. I have done this on several occasions. I know that it is best to prepare, but I do the exact opposite. When I arrive at the supermarkert I end up just grabbing what I usually get and make do with it. But now that I am vegan and I want to learn what goes with what, I will need to be prepared with a list so that I am not setting myself back in my learning.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unprepared when I go food shopping
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush through the supermarket
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just want to get out of the supermarket as quick as possible
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to be patient when shopping for food
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a very uncomfortable experience by constantly rushing when I shop for food.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush my shopping experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that to change I have to slow down
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that being prepared with a shopping list will assist and support me to find what I need to be more healthier and learn how to cook.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to rush through my shopping because of it being quite crowded in the supermarket.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated about how slow people go in the supermarket.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel impatient with other people who are shopping
When and as I see myself rushing when I am shopping - I stop and I breathe - I realise that slowing myself down will assist and support me to feel more comfortable whilst finding the food that I need.
Re: Danielle's Writings
Posted: 29 May 2018, 01:41
DAY 20: Australia, Disappointment and Youth
One of my favourite things to do is volunteer for several different companies & organisations. If I could volunteer for an organisation or company for each day of the week for the rest of my life I would probably do that. I have noticed that every company & organisation works differently. One organisation may focus on homelessness, feeding the homeless, finding them long-term accommodation, and another one could focus on youth work, youth mental health, and another one could be faith-based organisations that try to enforce the beliefs that the bad thoughts are satan.. I have literally heard from a participant of that organisation and I have volunteered for that organisation and then you have the aged care facilities that specifically focus on caring for elderly in the residential setting.I myself have been a client of some of those organisations.. So, in my time I have seen a lot of the pros & cons, strengths & weaknesses of these organisations, companies, and facilities.
The recent one that I applied for as paid work was a company that provides children and young people in care with individualised therapeutic residential services in Australia. I applied for this company because I was a little bit fearful of money not coming in as fast as it could and I knew that I'd possibly get the job. I did pass the phone call interview and was asked to come to group induction & face-to-face interview.
I knew that assisting & supporting children & young people in residential care would be challenging, but after I listened in the induction about all the horrific incidents that happened to some youth workers and seeing the house damage that the young people had done to the property --- I was extremely shocked and had no idea that young people were going through these extremes. All my thoughts could jump to at what is causing these behaviours --- how do you go about assisting and supporting that individual ---- what programs are on offer, etc... etc.. I was told that the property damage was simply because a young person was bored & writing their name in blood on walls was attention seeking behaviour, a young person had actually raped a female youth worker. It started to dawn on me that this is challenging to the extremes. But, it makes sense because most of these young people come from the juvenile justice system, they're experience trauma, they don't know how to work with how they're feeling, they've been taken off their parents because they're not fit to be parents (which is another problem in itself), they are likely to come from disadvantage backgrounds, some are homeless, they don't want to go to school, you've got some that prostitute themselves, etc. I was extremely shocked because in Australia that stuff you don't hear about. I spoke to the man about this and he said you may hear the odd occasion about a child in care did this or did that, but that is one rare occasions. But due to privacy and confidentiality nothing can come out so the general public really do not know that things like this exist to the extent that they do. It costs so much money to have a child in care. The government pays these companies $500,000 per child each year to assist and support them in care.
At first arriving to the company I was comfortable but I became extremely comfortable when I saw that the same women I met from the hairdressers was applying for a position too. We conversed until it was time to go in. In my interview I did very well, however, I did make them aware that I do not have experience working with children. I have experience working with young people age 13+ but not children. After it was all over and done with, even know it was such an eye opener and i knew the risks involved, I still wanted to work in the industry. The reasons why I still wanted to work there was because this company is Australia wide, training is exception & free of charge, if I ever wanted to move to a different city, I could just apply with the company down there as there is always job available because not many people last as it is so challenging. But, even know I talk about the cons & challenges of it all, it would be awesome to assist and support children & young people even at the minor/little progressional stages that they make in care. So, I was really eager to secure a position. I had been texting the women back & forth about the job she had mentioned to me again that for our training we would have to go to a city 2 hours away every day for the 2 weeks if we get the job. We came to an agreement that we would carpool together which would save us more money. However, I didn't get the job. They let me know why I didn't get the job. It was because I did not have experience working with children. But he did want me to apply in 6 months time when I had experience working with children. I was a little bit disappointed that I didn't get the job. I really wanted the job this time because I had someone to carpool with & she has worked for government so I wanted to learn from her. She had so much experience, but I realised that I could ask her for coffee when she is not working. What it just means is that if I get the job in 6 months time, that I will have to save money to buy a new car that will survive the trip back & forth each day for 2 weeks. So I was only disappointed about that.
Getting knocked back was great for me to because it mean't that I had to questioned my life. All different parts of it. I like this because I have to chop & change plans around to see what I'll need to do. This is why getting knocked back from a job has it's benefits. If you're not roughing it in regards to money, then a knock back is not an extreme problem. Not to say that I am financially set.... It's just that I've become so used to it that I've been able to cope & find ways of surviving. That's what a lot of people do. However, you can take it as an extreme blow & dwell on it or take it as an opportunity to rethink everything about your life, chop & change your directions. That's all it really is. No point getting emotional about it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed about not getting to carpool with a very experienced older women who would have been able to give me a lot of information & knowledge that I could utilize to assist/support myself in my own life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed about not getting the job so that I can carpool with someone who has a better car then mine.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed about having to save up for a car before the end of 6 months.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed about not getting to work with person T.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed about having to remain on benefits until I have completed 6 months working at a school.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the benefits for granted
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that being knocked back from a job is a sink or swim choice where I can either be emotional or see it as an opportunity to change plans & directions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that time can be used to brush up on my skills, read more books, investigate areas that I will need to improve on for this role and to work on myself a great deal more.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty about wanting to work as a Youth worker
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad about looking at where I can benefit from working with youth
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear working with extremely challenging youth
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I know all there is to know about youth.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that it would be best to use time to learn as much as I can before making a complete decision to work with extremely challenging youth.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel afraid of the challenge that may come when working with challenging youth.
Re: Danielle's Writings
Posted: 31 May 2018, 09:08
DAY 21: Turn A Weakness Into A Strength
For some time now I have been dealing with traumatic memories that would come up in my day-to-day living. These memories of a person who treated me horribly in the past. I do tend to react to these memories as they haunt me every single day. What this person did to me, her words, the lies, the bullying, the conflict she created, the degrading of me, how she made turn against a part of me, how this person knew that it was hurting me, but still continued to harm, how this person took advantage of me in a vulnerable position, how this person was supposed to be assisting and supporting me, but was instead turning me against myself, using her influence over me to fulfill her own agendas, etc. So, every single day, this comes up in my mind and the memories send alarm bells. What I simply do is breathe & forgive the reactions. However, despite me doing that, it comes up in my life every single day. A reminder of what that person did, how she did, how it made me feel, and then there is all the reactions that come along with the memories.. It cane be a very emotionally draining on my whole my day. That is not to mention the feeling of not having a choice of who I go with in my life partner. That is a glimpse of something that comes every single day of my life as a severe traumatic experience hat another person created for me in my life.
Now, nothing has been down about what I've been through and I am still trying to process what had actually been done to me. Whilst I had certain people in my life who did nothing to stop what was going on, it seemed that everyone wanted to blame me and not look at the real picture of what had actually happened. So, because other people were blaming me and acting like I was responsible for what they created when all I was the one trying o assist and support myself mean't that I could not get the full picture of what happened, and continued to make out that I was to blame. When I was actually not to blame. I went to see psychologist, I did everything these people told me to do (not knowing that one person was actually causing the problems), and this one person just continued to tear me down to fulfill her own beliefs of what they thought would be of assistance and support. Which was not ever going to be of assistance and support for me because it did not come from a choice of my own that wasn't influenced by pressure, and being taken advantage of.
I have admittedly, had some revengeful thoughts to get justice, but I know these thoughts are not me and that is just being/becoming a coward in a lot of ways. The best way to go about what was done and to heal what has been done is to create something that makes it so that other people do not have to experience what I had gone through and the trauma that comes along with it.
The want to create my organisation came when I observed the process of group therapy sessions at a Youth camp. I liked the whole process of people being vulnerable with one another. We arrive to the camp, everyone would be a little stand-offish, some people knew each other, some people didn't, there would groups, they were uncomfortable with one another, and some would be shy. That would all change after one group therapy session. After one of group therapy everyone felt closer to each other. They knew what their fellow participant was going through, they supported one another, they became more confident, they became more outgoing, they would hug each other, and the camp just had a really relaxed vibe. I liked that process because we are when we start to dig deep and voice whats going on inside ourselves, then it reveals we are not so different and shows to everyone that we are all struggling with some problem in one way or another. Lol... Basically, no one in this world is without the pain that exist within it. So, I wanted to start with creating group therapy session and support groups for people as a started for my organisation. I find that creating a support group and scheduling group therapy sessions for the group is an inexpensive way to kick start. Bringing closer to home, I found that in my city we lack a support group and/or group therapy for people who are interested in same-sex intimately & sexually or who have a want to have a intimate partnership with same-sex. I want to be able to help people accept this part of them, I do not want people to victimise themselves because of outside factors, I want people to understand that who they choose to go with is their choice, and no one elses choice. As well as several other things that have to be molded into the ''solutions phase'' after the problems have been discussed. This I choose to start with because it is healing for me and a great way to start my organisation. I have a lot of work ahead of me, I have to meet with a lot of people, but all going to be fun none the less.
So if someone does something to you that causes extremely problems for you and your life, the best way to deal with it is to make it so that no one else has to go through that. If I had anything such as a program that was on offer or I had some awareness that what the person was ssaying was not ok and if I was not an easy target, then I would have been able to recognise what was going and I would not have allowed it. So, creating programs, making use of what desteni provides, educating other people, informing other people, ensuring that people understand their rights, etc... that's the way to go about it. This is a way more beneficial then revenge.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like my right to choose who I want to be with as a partner is up to other people and not myself when these memories come up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not have a choice of who i'd like to be with as my partner in this life time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to memories within a traumatic experience when I see these memories come up in my day-to-day living.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that these people can make decisions for who I go with in my life.
i forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that creating an opportunity for other individuals to not go through what I went through is the way to ensure that people do not go have to eperience this and can remain true to themselves despite what the outside would wants of them or expects of them as the only way to be happy is to make sure that one is not just being the expectations of those around them and making that decisions/choice to be who they want to be so long as it does abuse life.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that to heal is to stop reacting & focus on what matters.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to allow for memories of these events take up a large part of my day-to-day living
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless to anything about what happened to me when I can make it so that other people have a support network to prevent things like this occurring
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for those events in the past when I had done everything I could in that time to assist and support myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted nad allowed myself to blame myself for having been naive
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for not having had the right education or awareness of what that individual was doing to me in that time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a disgusted by what that individual did every time the memories come up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not good enough to create something that will assist and support others.
When and as I see myself reacting within trauma to what happened to me & what was done - I stop and I breathe - I realise that people may have their opinions about who I should go with as a partner, but the choice will always be mine and if I do not wish to be with someone then I do not have to be with that individual, and if there is someone that I do want to be with and they want to be with me in the same, then that is a choice too, if someone doesn't wish to be with me, then ok, that decision is theirs, all in all it comes down to decision and no one can decide that for me.
When and as I see myself having violent revengeful thoughts - I stop and I breathe - I realise that seeking a violent revenge is a cowardice act that only puts another in the same positions of the person who created conflict in the first place.
Re: Danielle's Writings
Posted: 02 Jun 2018, 09:52
DAY 22: Resistance To Completing Studies
Yesterday I made the decision to create a support group & group therapy for people who are interested in same-sex partnership/like of the same-sex intimately & sexually (I do not use labels). What needs to be done for me to create it is some research & studies about support groups, how to facilitate, how I am going to structure everything, then I have to get in touch with some professionals to see if they will come on board (possibly students), I have to create the logo for my organisation, I have to collect pamphlets from other professional organisations in case participants need counselling etc etc. It's not a big job because breaking it down.. it just requires physical movement. However, what I tend to experience is a giant resistance living out the plans. I would prefer to sit, watch TV series, and numb my mind so that I do not have to study or put this together. The experience comes as a heaviness in my solar plexus, and then a want to zone out --- numb my mind so that I do not have to put any effort into anything. I'll then choose to postpone the time that I have to live out the plans & I do the same the next day.
I chose to create the support group to assist and support myself to heal whilst also helping other people. I realise that having a resistance to assisting and supporting myself & others is not best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist study because of the effort that goes into reading, planning, contacting, and designing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be resistant to assting and supporting myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prefer to watch TV series to numb my mind instead of assisting & supporting myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that it's better to start now then to waste time and possibly never complete it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear where this may take me in life & what else I will have to do in order to start my organisation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting out of my comfort-zones, meeting new people, and being the face of my organisation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being label all sorts of stuff because I am assisting and supporting people who like the same-sex intimiately & sexually
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being picked on by other people for my choices & decisions to assist and support myself and others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear things going wrong and not turning out the way that I intended or expected them too.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that studying the mental health area is a waste of my time when some information is beneficial and can be used to assist and support me in the creation process.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that numbing my mind with TV series isn't going to help me heal or assisting and support me to create more for me in my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to watch TV series to numb myself so I do not have to think about anything that has to be done or what I need to do
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what the world is going to think of my creations.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others will think of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear judgments from people who don't like the same-sex intimately & sexually.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being abused by christians for creating something that assists and supports a particular community.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand if I am going to start creating & designing programs then I'll need to live out what I design & not be a fake.
When and as I see myself being resistant to all the work that I have to do in order to create - I stop and I breathe - I realise that I am assisting and supporting myself as well as other people by creating this support group.
When and as I see myself wanting/desiring to just numb my mind instead of doing anything that requires effort - I stop and I breathe - I realise that my life is not going anywhere no matter how much I avoid what I have to do to create more for myself -- so it best to just focus on what needs to be created.
Re: Danielle's Writings
Posted: 12 Jun 2018, 15:33
DAY 23: Starting, Leading, and Working With a Team
I spent a week trying out a completely new area that I had not explored for that long before. I wanted to work on some building blocks for a film and entertainment project. I watched plenty of YouTube videos that assisted and supported me to expand on my own directions for the project. After the week ended I came to the realisation that what would bring the views and so the profit quicker was if I bring a team together instead of working alone.
If I were to bring a team it would be easier for me to bring the show to life. I will be able to bounce of the team when I speak, there will be more insights and perspectives coming from them, and in turn, more entertaining content for the viewer. When I was considering this I had some fears came up about being in a team that I will manage. But were shot down with the realisation that working in a team will help the show, help me develop skills, bring some friends into my life, and potentially the profit that will assist and support us. I also realise that I thrive in a team especially when we are working together on projects and working towards a mutual goal. The benefits of working with a team will definitely change my life for the better.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear working in a team
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being social with people in case conflict arises and the relationships are over with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear conflict in relationships
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear conflict on different topics.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear disagreements.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not finding the right people for the show.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the show not reaching the goals that I want to reach.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting closer to people and having close friends again.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having fall-outs with friends.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having fall-outs with people I work with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear things not going the way I want them to.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being assertive enough If I were team leader.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the work that will be involved in the creation process of the show.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that people will not want to jump on board and be a part of the team.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear approaching people who I find to be suitable for the show.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear approaching people and then rejecting my offer.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear reactions that may come up to being rejected.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about being rejected.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take rejection of an offer that I will make personally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people not wanting to work with me on projects.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as bossy and demanding.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being a team leader for my show.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being leader of different projects.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that I can create my own social outlets by asking people to work with me on various different projects, business starts, and what-not.
Re: Danielle's Writings
Posted: 13 Jun 2018, 12:47
DAY 24: Nothing Great Ever Comes Easy
I started my cleaning business without much preparation at all. It is a signature move of mine to jump into doing something without really preparing for what I am about to do. The preparation process that I did do before starting my cleaning business was go out to buy eco-friendly cleaning products, standard cleaning equipment, design a logo, register the business, advertise on one website, and win the person over with who I am as a person. What was interesting was within two days I had a client who took me on. She knew that I did not have a lot of cleaning experience... I in honesty believe that what made her take me on was because I was reasonably cheap considering how much the other cleaning business charge, but also because we clicked and we had a long conversation about the department of child welfare services. From there, I was able to make money without having to really put any effort at all into the work that I did. But, by remaining in this naive has mean't that I am not making the profit that I want to make. After having a long conversation with a friend of my who has had experience managing commercial sites and who has people she knows that own cleaning businesses, she basically pulled me back down to reality, reminds me of how the business world is, give me advice, insights, and perspectives of her to assist/support me. Once she brought me back down to reality, I was able to identify where I need to improve for my business and to make the type of money I want.
I first had to ask myself if owning and running a cleaning business is what I really want to do. What I like about cleaning that it requires physical movement/physical work. But what really ties me to cleaning is the experiences that I had when going to work with my father. My father had been a cleaner for a number of years. When I was 13-years-old after I dropped out of school I went to live with my father. He did not at the time have a house of his own so we had to live with my sister, her partner, and her two children in a 2 bedroom flat. This was not at all comfortable and any chance i got I would go to work with my dad. He worked late nights as a cleaning commercial sites. I would get to explore the offices, the work on the desks, look in the board rooms, meeting rooms, explore the industrial sites, look at the merchandise, explore the office parts of banks, and explore the kitchens. Watching him clean was pretty cool as he was good at his job. So having these fond memories of my father cleaning is what stick to me. Also the excitement of going into a commercial business after hours and being there by ourselves was fun. However, I didn't do much of the work, my father did. So if I start taking on commercial sites, it would be to work and no exploring. Just like with everything else, cleaning isn't just cleaning... Putting everything into an ology (a branch of knowledge) here to make everything easier.... Owning and running a cleaning business requires
- Knowing what cleaning equipment & product you need
- Obtain cleaning vocabulary
- Best vacuums to use
- etc, etc.
- Small business management skills.
- How different products react to surface and what not
- How to work with your cleints
- Best ways to communicate with clients
- What types of courses can I invest in to assist and support building up my cleaning skills so that I can do other things such as, stain removal, etc.
- I'll possibly need an accountant
- Etc, etc.
And other ologies that I am not going to mention as I feel a little uncomfortable sharing the structure that I use as people may not get it and find it to be a little complex. But it works for me and helps me compartmentalize all the knowledge/information I am going to need to live out and make the money I want to make.
So cleaning is not just cleaning it requires knowledge/information from other areas that hold knowledge/information that can be applied to the cleaning business. Applying all of it in the business would definitely keep me satisfied so this is something that I see myself enjoying and will find challenging.
After I answered my own question, as you can see, I started studying everything that I will need to not remain in the belief of a cleaning business is so easier and requires little to no effort.
Going back to a prior blog post where I said that I was not making the type of money I wanted, it was because I believed that a cleaning business is easy and therefore didn't bother to put in any effort into it which means that I did not grow or expand. I did not invest the time or the effort to bettering myself in order to take the stepping stones to make the type of money that I want. There is a high demand for cleaners and money is to be made so this is definitely something that I will enjoy now that I'm putting in the effort it requires.
To be continued….
Re: Danielle's Writings
Posted: 16 Jun 2018, 10:38
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that starting & running a cleaning business is easy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that starting & running a cleaning business requires, planning, dedication, consistency, effort, training, cleaning training in all areas of cleaning, and knowing and understanding the business world just like any other business.
I commit myself to remain dedicate my time to building my cleaning empire.
Re: Danielle's Writings
Posted: 16 Jun 2018, 13:49
DAY 25: Discipline, Isolation and Money.
I left my job as a support worker about two months ago. Since then I did not want to work. I didn't feel up to working even know I did need money. I did happen to apply for a job just in case I wasn't able to receive student benefits. But I did manage to fix that problem and everything was good to go. I did take on the interview opportunity though I did not get the job. I am glad that I did not get the job because I did not really want to put such a large amount of pressure on myself to deal with behavioural problems from young people and I wanted to create something of my own anyway. So, I would not have been in the job long. Seeing as I didn't get the job, I decided to put full focus into my cleaning business.
The cleaning world is a little new to me. Despite the fact that I have experience with cleaning, I still do not have enough knowledge/information to assist/support me to be the best I can be for my business. I know the best I can be in my business. What I must do is put time, effort, patience, and dedication into learning from other people and the online materials then filter it through my structure so it all organised and structured then ready to apply on the job. To be dedicated requires a lot of time in my day to study.
What I do in my day-to-day life when I am not helping others is I will stay home to focus on learning. I have a structure for how I will learn everything and how much time I will spend on each topic/subject. The structure is just fitness & studies... then repeat. Sometimes I will go for a walk both morning and night so I can GET OUT which helps me to come alive and stimulate me more. But then I will go back inside and apply the discipline it will take to learn for my business. This discipline also comes with a bit of isolation from being around people because I am home and alone for most of it. But, as it shows above, I do not isolate myself to be deliberately alone. In fact, I like being around people, I like talking to people, and being social. I like having a team, working together for a common goal, and sharing myself. So, what I had to do is, after considering what my friend said, and me coming to the realisation that I would learn more if I was actually working and physically applying so I went to contact a cleaning service who I used to work for.
After I was homeless in a different state, I was again homeless when I return back to my home town. This time I had to go to a place for girls who can stay until they can find their accommodation. The place wasn't good and if I wasn't already street smart I probably would have ended up like some of the other girls. Some had drug addictions, alcohol addictions, were escaping domestic violence, and were beat by their boyfriends, and then you have the people who run the place who didn't do anything. lol. Very dysfunctional. But, these people needed somewhere to stay. I did become alittle close to the girls who were in my immediate zone. Two of them did have issues, but what I liked is that despite our situations we had some fun times, and I remember one time where I just wanted to take them extremely out of their comfortzones. I took them out to one of the fanciest restaurants in my city. Lol. We had a lot of fun, but they felt extremely uncomfortable. That is what I wanted. lol. To get them out of the hard shells & believes about themselves. They saw themselves as not worthy, self-confident problems, self-esteem issues, etc. I just wanted them to feel good. We dressed up, we had an expansive meal, they had wine, and we had fun. I paid for it all and it was well worth it. But, these situations aren't forever because we do have to move on. However, there was one girl that I would have loved to take with me. But, unfortunately, victims of domestic violence see no other way out. But, who I was in that situation was pretty amazing considering the all the challenges that arised. lol. So, I was desperate to get out of there so I went looking for places of my own.
I met with a realestate agent who offered me a cleaning job. He wanted me to run the business for him. He had a women who he suspected to want to take over the business for herself and push him out of the way. Which is fair enough, because this woman was running things anyways, he was bound to be out of the picture eventually, and so he wanted me to take her position. I did not want that position, I just wanted a job. He gave me a job, however, It didn't last because I did not have a car. I did work for this cleaning service for about 2 days and I met some cool people. It was wonderful to just get out of the zone that I was living in where people had drug addictions, and couldn't see outside themselves enough to want more. No judgment on them. Some people end up in those states due to circumstances, situations, events and whatever not. So, I met some cool people that still work for this cleaning service today. I called them up on Friday to ask if they were hiring.
The person that picked up the phone did say that she was hiring people. So, with this decision to move away from full-on disciplined study of knowledge/information every single day has helped because I then won't be isolating myself in discipline and I'll be able to study at night, and working during the day. Which will increase my skills in cleaning, and then I can take on some clients of my own. So, this is the way to assist and support oneself instead of isolation in discipline.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so disciplined to the point where it isolates me through-out my day and ends up sabotaging my learning process.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that being out working with others, earning money, and learning on the job is more assistive and supportive for my own learning process than would be to isolate inside for the majority of the day doing a repeatitive routine that slow me down.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that isolation & discipline would assist/support me more than being out learning on the job.
i forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that I can spend time out and about applying what I learn & learning in real time out there and then study knowledge/information at night and prepare to apply it next morning.
i forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to have a structure that assists and supports the physical & social life that are part of human needs.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be resistant to getting a job in the belief that it will slow me down from creating my business
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that getting a job would slow down the creation of my business.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that working in a job that aligns to what I'll be doing in my business will in fact assist and support my learning, my income, my physical health, and my social life.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to isolate myself in the belief that it helps me learn & progress faster.
Re: Danielle's Writings
Posted: 18 Jun 2018, 07:12
DAY 26: A Year Of Self-Growth
At the end of this year I will turn 26-years-old. In those 26 years I've had so many challenging times. The challenging times are not over and I do n not think they ever will be. Not with the goals I have set. In life we have to accept the fact that there will always be a challenge that we will face eventually. If it is not our outside world presenting us with challenges it will be our inner world that will throws us a few here and there. Challenging times is just something we all have to accept. If the system was not the way it was then it would probably just be challenges here and there but, wih the system the way it is, it is way more difficult for people. Aside from the talk of challenges, I have a reasonable stable lifestyle and with time sepnt investing on increasing my insights, perspectives, and vocabulary from using the information/knowledge provided, I see more inside myself that I need to change. Which is why I am so head-strong about getting the tools necessary to walk my process. All the tools and within good time I will do. So, now that I am stable I would like to eventually meet a woman that I can create a partnership with.
Why I do not have a partnership now is because I still want to grow some more before I bring someone else into my life. Although I say that I am stable, I am only making enough to keep me afloat. I'd like to bring someone into my life when I have my business up to a level where I have enough clients to earn an income that would assist/support two individuals. If i do find someone before next year than I'd trail it or if my business gets to the level that I want it to be before the end of the year. But for me it is best to give myself a year and then start meeting up with potential partners. I have experienced some impatient about going out and meeting potentials.
I want to go out now. But again, there is a few things that I have to work on before then. It's best to not rush into something before I am ready. Who I am will determine who my partner will be. So the more I work on myself the better it will be.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be quite impatient to meeting potential partners
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realise/understand that changing myself on points that are not beneficial, and strengthening sides to me that need to be strengthened will determine who my partner will be.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that it is best to give oneself some time before rushing into any sort of relationship commitments.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that all the hard work that I dedicated to one whole year will all pay off in the end.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that creating a partnership with someone takes patience
I commit myself to work on myself & goals for a year so that I can become/be the person I want to be and the life i want to have
Re: Danielle's Writings
Posted: 20 Jun 2018, 04:25
DAY 27: Giving Up Coffee (Again)
I've wanted to give up coffee ever since I became addicted to it. I have written before how and when I became addicted to coffee in the past, and I am going to write about that again. I became addicted to coffee when I was experiencing my second time being homeless. The first time I was homeless I was never severe and it wasn't long until an organisation took me in where I had a place of my own. The second time being homeless was a little more severe especially because it was in a city that was huge, and I was not in stable mindset to comprehend everything that was actually going on. So, this made it increasing more challenging and thankfully, I was able to stay true to myself and not fall into serious patterns that could have damaged my life further. I still had an awareness of the fact that drugs were not assistive/supportive, and I had an awareness of my position not being a good one to make any time of long-term decisions. Everything was very much temporary and I simply had to get myself in stable position to be able to be 100% myself again. So, in a way, I had to shut off to a lot of things and focus on getting myself out of this situation. But, then you have the mental sides and the consequences of how I was treated, etc that I didn't know how to deal with, and more consequences, etc. But within it all, I keep reasonable smart about everything and knew it was only temporary. So I held onto nothing in that time. However, I did fall to coffee & tea. I do have a tendency to feel very disappointed about that because prior to experiencing my second time being homeless I did not drink tea or coffee and I wanted to keep it that way. I feel like I've let myself down a little bit because I started drinking coffee & tea. why I want to coffee & tea was because in the shelters that I went to they offered coffee & tea or cordial. I do not like sugary drinks, or any type of drink that has way too much sugar init. I chose then the coffee & tea. These drinks were warm & provided some comfort on the cold days.
Ever since then I am off and on with coffee & tea. I've tried giving up on coffee, but one day I'll feel like I do not want to get out of bed then I'll have a thought of having a coffee and that is a motivator to get me out of bed. I walk to the cafe around the corner and I'll have the coffee for the entire day because I drink it rather slowly. I'll reheat if it goes cold or add some hot water and continue taking small sips. But, it ends up getting wasted because once it goes cold and I add anything to it, it just loses it's taste. I do come to the realisation at times that I should just give it up. I'm putting $5.50 almost everyday to a coffee. That's money that could go else where. I often complain that I haven't got money for the eqafe interviews... but if I stopped buying coffee that I do not need then I'd definitely have enough. Coffee is really the only thing food or drink wise that I am addicted to that my body doesn't need.
when I did give up on coffee a few weeks ago I did prove to myself that I did not need coffee to move myself throughout the day. All that kept me reaching for coffee was the fast pace thoughts and the high buzz that changes who i am as a person. Makes me I guess... more out-going and playful... but that is just because I can't slow myself down enough to decide what i want to say, and playful.. I can't slow myself down enough to not move.. Altogether it is really just an addiction that I have become a little enslaved to and will put money to regardless of how much I have left. That is the reality of it. It has to go.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed in myself because I started drinking tea & coffee and still did after I transcended homelessness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuses that there is nothing else to drink so I should just drink the coffee that is available.
i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on coffee to be outgoing and playful
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the last bits of money that I'll have left over the duration of a week on buying coffee of a morning.
i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear who I will be without coffee
I forgive myself that I hav accepted and allowed myself to become depend on coffee to build great relationships in my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on coffee to be able to keep up with my niece when i am playing with her.
I forgive myself that I havn't accepted and allowed myself to see/realise/understand that my body is in good health and I do not require coffee to move my physical body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to any types of drinks that my body really does not need/require.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use up my money on coffee when I could purchase things that could really be beneficial for me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn to coffee when I feel sad or any other type of state of mind that I am in.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use coffee as a suppressant to the problems that I face within myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire the stimulation that coffee gives me so that I can go into another state that suppresses all the emotions that come up within me.
I commit myself to give up on coffee completely.