Why I reacted out of frustration in a situation that occurred today

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Patloveshiram
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Joined: 12 Aug 2020, 15:20
Location: El Paso Texas

Why I reacted out of frustration in a situation that occurred today

Post by Patloveshiram »

So what happened today was obviously me reacting out of frustration over someone stalking my Facebook and talking badly about me. Long story short this woman has dated my ex boyfriend who I used to date which I longer talk too. I cut him off, but it's odd behavior to me that his recent ex girlfriend still looks at my Facebook page and ends up talking about me and thinking my post are about her. Yesterday I posted something very personal and I didn't think she would still continue stalking me because I don't know her personally, but unfortunately my ex boyfriend at the time mentioned me to this woman and she searched me up on. She hasn't stopped stalking me since and I just think she needs to live her life and stop worrying about mine. I have moved on and I am happy with who I am with as of right now. I'm about to be a mother in a week and I'm so excited. I just don't like problems. However, yes I admit I reacted frustratedly because of the situation and how i see the situation is different as of right now. I reacted out of frustration because it bothers me and sends chills up my spine when someone is so worried about my personal life when I'm not doing anything but focusing on myself and doing my best to become a better version of myself. I really would like everyone's perspective on what do you think of my situation and what do you think my reaction? I also would like to know if you think it has to do with my shadow that is telling me that I should look more into myself? I haven't been in Desteni that long, but it would be nice getting advice and hearing everyone's perspective and what I can do better in situations like this because no one never taught me how to not react in situations like this. I was taught the complete opposite and I know how i reacted wasn't good. Please feel free to comment.


Patricia Vasquez

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Godfrey
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Joined: 21 Oct 2018, 16:49

Re: Why I reacted out of frustration in a situation that occurred today

Post by Godfrey »

. :ugeek: :D
Last edited by Godfrey on 23 Aug 2020, 10:57, edited 1 time in total.
my religion is to do good and my country is the world

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Godfrey
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Re: Why I reacted out of frustration in a situation that occurred today

Post by Godfrey »

Hi Patricia,

I also would like to know if you think it has to do with my shadow that is telling me that I should look more into myself?


Definitely peeking my interest with that statement.


What i enjoy most about Desteni is the general advocacy for humanity. This forum and the blogs, vlogs and all the self expressions, is a living and growing catalog of the human experience.


You want my perspective on your frustration? First i need more information. If i'm going to psychoanalyze and apply my intuition i need more.
What was said, who told you what, basically how do you know she said anything at all. And of course i don't know anything about you and your ex boyfriends lady friend interest.

My suggestion is to forgive her, and then forgive yourself for allowing something so pety to frustrate you.

Easier said and than done.

How about:
Choose to be objective. If your frustrated use it... take that frustration and turn it into motivation (motion). Get motivated to have that conversation with her. The one you should have, " I just wanted to reach out to you, because i read somethings you said about me and i just want to let you know, i respect you and i wish you nothing but the best."
Take the high ground.... sow seeds everywhere, and in no time you will walk in a garden of paradise of your creation.


The question, of why someone stalking you, bothers you, frustrates you.... has less to do with the motivations of your perpetrator , but more with the emotional foundation of your own ego. It might be clique but choose to love your neighbor, and seek no reward... there is no reward for being nice, to someone who's is mean... The payoff is a drop in the ocean... but remember the truth -- an ocean is nothing but a multitude of drops.


Be a good person, do good things, and make good people.

I say this, and i live it.. I walk this life, constantly forgiving and seeking to bring up my follow man. I'm not perfect and there are many missed opportunities. My immediate family, think of me as either weird, self-righteous, crazy... lots of negatives, but once the gossip fades, they all agree that I am helpful, thoughtful and positive.

Best luck to you
-Godfrey
my religion is to do good and my country is the world

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Patloveshiram
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Joined: 12 Aug 2020, 15:20
Location: El Paso Texas

Re: Why I reacted out of frustration in a situation that occurred today

Post by Patloveshiram »

Hi Godfrey,

Thank you for replying back to me. I would be glad to give out more information about the situation and what she said. Sometimes I notice little things she will post. She had her Facebook public to see. Recently she had two post about me especially from certain Facebook pages and pretty much that post said that I was a bitter person and wasn't letting her live when it wasn't true at all. I left her alone along time ago because I was taking care of my father at the time. He had heart problems and I was his caregiver. This woman who dated my ex at the time kept stalking me from 2016 till now. She unfortunately doesn't stop and she deleted a status that said i was coming at her wrongfully for no reason or when it benefitted me and it's not true. Before she caused all of problems for me while living with my father. My ex mentioned her to me and would talk about her all the time. At one point he told me he wasn't really happy with her because she lives so far away. And then i guess he had a conversation about me to her because how could she know my own Facebook? I still question how she found out i was my ex Oscar ex's girlfriend. So another year goes by and she kept accusing me of starting problems when I don't even look at her page. I told my ex about it and she made him believe I was this crazy stalker, but I'm not honestly. This recent situation had been going on since my ex Oscar her broke up and she had been snooping around my Facebook page to get information or is just jealous of me because i am doing really good now. I was a homeless for a whole year and i am in a committed relationship with my boyfriend. We live together and are expecting our son very soon. I made it clear to this young lady that i don't hate her and i want her to succeed. If I were to message her she'll play victim and false accuse me and get my ex involved and even more drama will happen which I don't want. I put these post public for her to see that I want her to stop and realize what she is doing to me when I have moved on from that situation involving my ex and her and myself. I was happy my ex was with her. I never was jealous of her at all. I prefer to empower woman or anyone to keep going and succeeding in life because we all deserve it. I ended up just moving past this situation with her and I because it isn't worth the stress or any amount of anger or frustration to have over someone who is possibly jealous of my life that my boyfriend and i worked hard for. I was dealing with all of things as this situation kept on and i didn't even know until now. I moved on for the sake of my happiness and my son. Especially for my relationship that I am happy to say that i am in.

I was honestly very kind to my ex's girlfriend and never once had hate towards her not was i jealous. I always was taking care of my dad or babysitting and sometimes finding jobs. Unfortunately my dad passed away last year and she was still cussing conflict. I kept telling my ex I'm not doing anything towards her and he didn't believe me still so i dealt with her for almost 5 years stalking me on Facebook. My life last year wasn't easy and i just thought she left me alone for good and it had gotten worse. I'm a very kind person and I do good alone of the times. I'm not perfect, bit i plan to become a better version of myself everyday by learning new things and expanding my mind. I have no hate in my heart towards other woman honestly. I'd rather be supportive than anything because i have been bullied myself and judged because of my weight or told to kill myself which I won't do. I really need help as to why I reacted out of frustration that day because if it my shadow then that means definitely i need to work on myself more and sign deeper, but i want to sed what i can do better if anyone were to do something like this again. Do I not react and move on and pay no attention or do I react and let it go from there?
Last edited by Patloveshiram on 24 Aug 2020, 06:00, edited 1 time in total.


Patricia Vasquez

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Patloveshiram
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Location: El Paso Texas

Re: Why I reacted out of frustration in a situation that occurred today

Post by Patloveshiram »

Hi Godfrey,

I was going to add that yes i agree with you on using my frustration as motivation and my family think the same of me as well. I understand where your coming from. I'm always the outcast of my own family as well. I've been cut off by many and they let me go through things alone unfortunately. I love the suggestion you made because i can use my frustration that way and possibly try to talk to her, but if i do that i know what will happen because she had done it before while dating my ex which is her ex boyfriend as well. She doesn't like me and I have no idea why honestly. I have been living my life and going through my own obstacles and facing them especially with my boyfriend by my side. I went through a lot as she falsely accused me and i just want her to stop because I'm not interested in her life or anything she does because I have moved on and respected her and left her alone. I never once stalker her or harassed her. I just one time tried talking to her and she came off really rude towards me and then got my ex boyfriend involved and the situation escalated from there. I really love how positive your reply was and i really hope you know that your perspective really matters to me because I want to become a version of myself and fig deep to where i am no longer being frustrated or reacting at all to anyone.


Patricia Vasquez

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Godfrey
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Joined: 21 Oct 2018, 16:49

Re: Why I reacted out of frustration in a situation that occurred today

Post by Godfrey »

Why am I frustrated because of .. blank.

So lets start here.

I love the suggestion you made because i can use my frustration that way and possibly try to talk to her, but if i do that i know what will happen because she had done it before while dating my ex which is her ex boyfriend as well. She doesn't like me and I have no idea why honestly.


Sound advice, does not work because you know it won't work because, something similar had failed before.
Sounds like an excuse for inaction :P

One of the most powerful tools we have ( armor), is limiting our preconceived notions of what is and what might be. The mind is a powerful tool, a technology of sorts. Bio-computer for problem solving not the genesis of intuition. We don't know what is going to happen, or how people are going to react to stimuli.

But here's a fortune cookie.

"people full fill the roles that you assign them"


The solution to complexity is simplification. You can only control one factor, and that is how you choose to precede.

A short anecdote, I have a few room mates. I came home yesterday and the kitchen and living room were in complete disarray. A little frustrating. It was if someone had started to clean, but got frustrated and stop. So i started cleaning and organizing putting chairs back and what not.. I don't see the watermelon I've been saving. The one that had been resting on the living room table. I look in the refrigerator and there's my watermelon, broken in two, as if someone had dropped it. (lame). i keep cleaning and i go to move the living room table and the leg falls off. Frustrating. So i go out to my truck get my tool kit and tighten the bolts that hold the table in place.

So what happen? My roommate started cleaning, went to move the table, the leg gave out, and a 15 lb watermelon exploded. He cleaned up the watermelon mess and just went to his room and laid down

I was a little flustered at first, house look like my roommate was going to clean but gave up, and left a bigger mess. And as i started to clean i discover my watermelon been smashed, i assumed he moved and dropped it, got flustered and went to his room..... to find later that one of the legs of the table came off and that is why the watermelon fell. He cleaned up that mess, and was spent... it was little thoughtless to not fix the table... but i fixed it in about a minute. I know i'm repeating myself here... but what i'm trying to articulate and illustrate, there was a mystery and i was uncovering it piece by piece... and yes i think my roommate is a little inconsiderate, so at first i projected those feelings on to my findings... but like most things, the truth is revealed in time, particularly when we are walking a process.


I often muse a little animosity keeps things exciting. I have had so many rivals over the years. I'm a martial artist and i compete in tournaments and cage fights from time to time. I'm rather well respected and well known in the Seattle Greater area Jiu jitsu scene. I go to practice there is a giant bullseye on my back, people want to choke me so bad. They talk about me at length behind my back, plan my destruction.... game-plan on how to beat me. They do extra push ups and pulls up... maybe they don't drink as much the night before practice... just have a little edge on the wrestling mats. That bullseye on my back, is a badge of honor... and when young talent is coming up i don't push it back down, i don't mind losing... as long as i try.

I do a lot of coaching... "You win, or you learn".


Its ok to be frustrated, mad, angry, sad, depress, hateful, hell even violent... for a time, maybe a moment... What one should strive to do is, to ride emotions like waves... let them roll themselves out and crash on the shore and wash away into nothingness. We have to guard ourselves from perpetuating an emotional response, by doubling down on the experience and justify and quantifying that feeling... thats when that wave turns into a tsunami.

Objectivism is powerful. Use your emotions get angry when it serves you, otherwise whats the point?

One more fortune cookie

"There is no rationalizing irrational behavior"
my religion is to do good and my country is the world

Gabriel
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Location: Ghent

Re: Why I reacted out of frustration in a situation that occurred today

Post by Gabriel »

Hi Patricia,
In a situation like this I would investigate means to block the person out of your life. For instance, do a little research on what measures you can use in facebook to block a person/account. By doing this you make a statement that you are not accepting such abuse.

Marlen
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Re: Why I reacted out of frustration in a situation that occurred today

Post by Marlen »

Hi Patricia

I have to agree with Gabriel as well. Upon reading your words, many times we believe others should change or behave a certain way to not bother us, but that would be laying responsibility upon others. And If you haven't yet learned how to direct yourself in moments of emotion, then the best is to prevent such encounters, even if they are in the internet and blocking a person can be a way for now and until you can deal better with your emotions.

How to do that? There's the DIP lite course if you haven't checked it out.

Plus, if you are about to give birth, I would definitely suggest focusing all your attention to that process and even step out of social media for a while so that if it is a source of conflict, you can be most at ease and rather getting ready for your newborn which is a game changer for sure, even if you already have other children.

This process is about self care and being the best, learning how to do it takes time and dedication. That's how there isn't a simple answer to your post, but I definitely recommend you use the bits of time you may get to continue the course If you are already there as it will assist in stabilizing you. You can do it from your phone too.

Take care and all the best with your birthing process.

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Luc
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Re: Why I reacted out of frustration in a situation that occurred today

Post by Luc »

While reading this thread I was eating Olives stuffed with garlic and my Ishtar they're little bite sized pieces of heaven!

I use to wake up every morning almost sweating in anticipation for my daily face book atheist vs christian debates. The best thing that ever happened to me (my wife) took noticed of this behaviour and quickly shut it down. Now I am a better man for it. I can go days without picking up my cell phone and not even think twice about it.

Can you say the same?

Marlen
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Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:16
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Re: Why I reacted out of frustration in a situation that occurred today

Post by Marlen »

Hi Luc

I don't see your post being connected to this thread at all. Can you explain your intention with it?

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