Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Dilan
Posts: 653
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Post by Dilan »

Day 102 The “Reward” Character: Self-Forgiveness statements

These are self-forgiveness statements on the Reward Character from Day 100 The “Reward” Character:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the Reward character to exist in me and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to step into the Reward character when I am feeling like an application or method is going to manifest and materialize my desires, wants and needs and in that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this live the application within the starting point of hope and expectation to earn the reward that I want and desire from and through that application instead of assessing the application in self-honesty to see whether or not it’s best for Me within the context of being best for all life equally and from there decide to either live in such way or not to live in such way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea within my mind about a possible outcome and result I will get through certain applications, such as self forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application and when I realize that my expectations won’t be met I go into energy-manipulation of myself through emotions and feelings to not have to continue a certain application because I won’t get my self-interest as personal desires, wants and ‘needs’ manifest/materialize through, but that I can instead then look for other ways, methods and approaches that might give me what I desire, want and ‘need’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose all motivation and become dead inside when my expectations are not being met, instead of realizing that I have allowed myself to create an idea within myself about a result and reward that I would like and want to have and get from something and someone, such as an application or ‘way of living’ instead of having allowed me to assess the application within and as self-honesty within the context of whether or not it’s best for all life equally and have that be my foundation from which I act and live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose all hope and motivation and become like dead inside, where I find myself unable to move, like I am no more able to function within my world and just want to be alone when and as an application does not result in the expected reward that I believed and created as an idea within my mind that the application will give me, instead of realizing that I have been trying to manipulate myself to manifest/materialize my self-interest as personal desires, wants and ‘needs’ through deciding to walk/live a certain application and way of life, such as self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have my self-interest as personal desires, wants and ‘needs’ be my priority and most important thing and value within me and my life, so that I am willing to give-up and neglect and ignore what is Best for All Life, such as applications and ‘ways of living’ that are evident and certain to bring about a result that will be best for self within the context of best for all life equally, such as the process we at Desteni walk specifically of self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application if and when such applications or ‘way of life’ is not resulting in the reward that I want in-order to give me what I demand in form of my self-interest as personal desires, wants and ‘needs’; instead of having Life within the context of what is Best for All Life equally be my priority and most important and highest value within myself because it’s common-sense and evident of a truly good-hearted being that honors and has respect for life, not just his own but all life equally because I understand that this is what I would like to be done unto me.

Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abandon any and all applications and methodologies and ‘ways’ of ‘life’/’living’ if they do not eventually result in the manifestation and materialization of my self-interest as personal desires, wants and ‘needs’ of what I demand and want to have, even if the application, methodology or ‘way’ of ‘life’/’living’ is clearly and evidently and common-sense to be best for all life and will result in a better world where life is honored and all abuse ended and only seek and think about ways and methods through which I could possibly give myself what I demand in form of my self-interest as personal desires, wants and ‘needs’, so that I can feel happy and good and have peace of mind because I have what I wanted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk my process of self-honesty of and through the applications of self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application within the starting-point of an Idea that I will get and have my self-interest as personal desires, wants and ‘needs’ manifest/materialize through walking the process and within that whenever I become aware that it’s not moving according to my plan as idea and I am thus not getting what I expected and hoped as wanted and desired to have from and through it — I go into depression and resistance towards further walking and application of self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application Till I within and through my mind search for another approach, way and application through which I could possible get what I want and desire, to only when I have created a new idea about how I could get what I want and desire, be charged once again with hope as my motivation and feel well once again to continue walking my process of self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through walking an application and a ‘way of life/living’ based on an idea that I will get what I want and desire from and through it, become depressed, feel hopeless and helpless and abstain from the application immediately till I have spent enough time alone, doing nothing but looking for and searching for ways and methods within my mind of how and through what I could possibly get what I want and desire and only once I have reasoned a new idea and approach about how I could possibly, this time, get and have what I want and desire, within my mind, be charged again with hope as motivation and feel well to continue my walking of my process of self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application.

Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become depressed, hopeless, helpless, inferior and powerless and moved onto the want to give up and resisted continuing my process of self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application and any and all other self-responsibility tasks I have been doing up to this point without hesitation and much resistance when I became aware that I am not, nor that I will get what I wanted and desired to have and get through walking my process of self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application because I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have decided to walk my process of self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application within the starting-point of an idea I created within my mind about that through walking my process of self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application I will finally have a clear and blemish free skin, great hair and the body and appearance I always wanted to have, and in that I was walking my process within that starting-point and my motivation was the hope as expectation that I will get that which I believed and created an idea of that I will get and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to because I didn’t get what I believed and created an idea of that I would get through walking my process of self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application have become depressed and powerless and wanted to give-up, felt not well, resisted and lost all motivation for walking my process of self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application, not realizing that I was actually attempting to manipulate myself with and through these energy-reactions of emotions and feelings to continue my search for ways and methods through which I could get and have what I desire and want, such as to get and have clear and blemish free skin and the body and appearance that I want to have and in that to justify why I am giving-up, refusing and resisting to continue walking my process of self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective applications and walk my day within doing the tasks I can practically do within the time I have available to bring my part of creating a better world for all, even though it was clear that that is the way to go because it is What is Best for All Life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within that, have not been considering what is best for all life and have not seen that what I was doing, that the process of self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective applications and how I was walking my day, filled with tasks I can practically walk within the time I have available, was actually self-honest and Best for All, but didn’t see that because I was too/only preoccupied with my own self-interest as personal desires, wants and ‘needs’ and how to manifest/materialize those and only hearing the hope that exist deep inside, that speaks to me in mind, telling me the entire time to be constant and consistent with my search and approaches for manifesting what I want and desire and that I will eventually get and have what I want and desire and that I just have to continue looking till I find the right way.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that before the Reward character manifests as me that I will have thoughts as pictures showing myself with the point of desire and desired outcome manifested as me in the future. And in that I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to when and as I become aware of this thought to immediately stop and realize that I have created an idea within my mind about the result I desire and want to get through that which I decided to do and walk and in that immediately stop and assess the application I decided to walk within self-honesty to see whether or not it’s best for all life and will thus result in a better world and from here either walk the application or not.



Dilan
Posts: 653
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Post by Dilan »

Day 103 The Self-Conscious Character

Here I am continuing with the Self-Conscious Character I started walking in previous writings. So this is another dimension of the self-conscious character I exist as. And just as a note to myself: I applied this self-forgiveness to a certain extent aloud first the night before work because I found myself unable to fall asleep (as I always find myself the night before work) and as the reason for that I saw that I was worrying, feeling anxious and frightened about the upcomming work-day. So I decided to apply self-forgiveness and ended up with the self-conscious point and when I applied the self-forgiveness on this Till I was finished — I could sleep and I have rarely slept so well like that night.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a self-conscious character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be self-conscious about myself because I worry about what others think and say about me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about what others think and say about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a character that perceives itself to be the center of others attention and the center of others universe and think that everything within the life of others resolves around and is about itself as the character just because it is in the view of others or others have seen it once in their life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to BELIEVE that other people are constantly thinking about me and looking at me and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it so difficult and actually impossible to let go of and set myself free from the BELIEF that I am the center of others attention and lives because I hold onto the thought that it might be true instead of realizing that it is not because it’s a BELIEF I have created within myself and that I can actually stop the BELIEF and when I stop the BELIEF the feeling of ‘being watched’ disappears and I am no longer self-conscious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy into the ILLUSION of the BELIEF that others are fixating at me and that I am thus the center of their attention and get all their attention and am the most important thing and that of highest value within their lives instead of seeing it for what it is: a BELIEF/ILLUSION.

In that, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let-go of and set myself free from the ILLUSION as BELIEF that people are fixating at me and that I get all their attention and am the center of their universe and am that of highest importance and value within their lives, because deep inside I fear that if I would acknowledge that it is a BELIEF/ILLUSION that it will confirm to me that I am alone and worthless, just because I do not get all the attention from everyone and everything. I forgive myself within that, that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe and perceive myself to be unworthy and alone and of no significance if I do not get all the attention from everyone and everything because not getting all the attention from everyone and everything means for me that others do not ‘see’/appreciate me and in that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and see ‘not getting all the attention from everyone and everything’ as ‘others not ‘seeing’/appreciating me’, like being non-existent.

And within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a self-consciousness where I am being self-conscious so that I could protect myself from feeling alone, lonely and worthless through making-up the BELIEF/ILLUSION that I get all the attention from others and am the center of their universe and lives and that I am the most important things and of highest value for them — so that I could feel ‘important’ and ‘loved’ and ‘appreciated’/acknowledged, like stating “Yes, we see you. You are Here. You are not invisible. Don’t worry.”

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize and see and understand that it’s REALLY just a BELIEF made self-conviction that everyone and everything sees only me and that I get all their attention just because I am in their view or they have seen me once in their life and are aware of my existence. And within that, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can stop that BELIEF in one moment as a deliberate self-decision to not participate in the belief and that when I do that my self-consciousness disappears, which is evidence that it’s just a BELIEF, an ILLUSION I bought into.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to centralize myself, where I make myself the center of the world in believing and perceiving and thinking that the world sees only me and that all the attention from the entire world goes straight to me, not seeing and realizing that it’s just a BELIEF/ILLUSION.

Within that, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand what self-consciousness/being self-conscious for me really is and within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that self-consciousness/being self-conscious, for me, is when I have created the BELIEF/IDEA that I am the center of attention and thus get all the attention from others and am the main point/importance/value within and of their lives and that they only see me, despite the billions of other beings in the world, and that that BELIEF/IDEA has created a FEELING of paranoia, where I feel watched and feel as though I am the center of attention, like being on a stage with the light shining on me with an audience bringing myself into their focus/attention completely, and in that become more vulnerable to victimization, ridicule and mocking because I feel like being in everyones attention/focus at once.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the extent to which I change and alter my behavior and expression because of and according to the self-consciousness/being self-conscious as the BELIEF/ILLUSION and FEELING of being the center of attention and critique/criticism/judgment. So I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize, see and understand the extent to which my behavior and expression is shaped and formed and determined by and through my self-consciousness/being self-conscious as the BELIEF/ILLUISON and FEELING of being the center of attention and critique/criticism/judgment/talk/’topic of conversation’.



Dilan
Posts: 653
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Post by Dilan »

Day 104 “It’s so hard to get in with self-forgiveness again” Character

Character Components:

Thoughts:

“Tedious”

A picture of me doing self-forgiveness or any other self-responsibility task or work I don’t like or feel like doing in that moment and while I am applying the self-forgiveness and doing my self-responsibility tasks I struggle and suffer and am in pain and it’s no fun and there is no enjoyment at all. Like I am imprisoned/enslaved and forced to do what I do against my own will.


Backchat:

“It’s going to be so hard and difficult”

“I don’t feel like doing it now”

“It’s not fun”

“I must first rest before I can do it”

“I’ll do it later, I have lots of time left still”

“I feel too tired for it”

“How am I going to do this..”

“How am I supposed to do it now, I feel so tired”

“It hard to get in with it now again because I just did this and that”

Energy-Reactions of/as Emotions and Feelings:

Feeling low

Feeling unmotivated

A feeling of relief

Happiness

Physical Body Changes:

Heavy eyes

Sluggish Movement

Slouched shoulders

Yawning many times

Tired

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the “It’s so hard to get in with self-forgiveness again” character to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a character through and as which I find it hard to get in with self-forgiveness or other tasks I need to do again if I have done something else I enjoyed doing more then self-forgiveness or my other self-responsibility tasks — instead of realizing that it’s a way through which I try to justify why I am not simply doing my self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks because I try to prolong the time to do the things I enjoy doing more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it hard to get in with self-forgiveness again because I just played soccer and did other athletic activities and things I enjoyed more then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks and feel tired now, instead of realizing that I am indeed capable of doing my self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks but that the truth is that I do not want to because watching TV and even just sitting or lying somewhere doing nothing is so much better and easier and I enjoy it so much more then having to do self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I have done something before that I enjoyed doing and enjoy doing more then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks, to have the thought of/as a picture of me doing self-forgiveness or my self-responsibility tasks within the experience of difficulty and hardship, seeing myself in such pain, suffering, struggle within the course of applying/doing my self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks, totally absent from any ‘fun’ and ‘happiness’ feeling/experience within me, and I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that through accepting and allowing myself to create/allow and participate within that thought I am creating and facilitating my inner experiences and resistances instead of just doing my self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that it’s a BELIEF that it’s hard to get in with self-forgiveness or my self-responsibility task once again if I’ve done other things before and that it’s a justification why I am not simply doing what I have to do because I want to do other things I enjoy doing more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe it’s hard to get in with self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks again because and when I’ve eaten fast-food or played some sort of sport, like soccer or simply spend my time with some friends because that was fun and I enjoyed spending my time doing these things and I want to continue doing what I enjoy more then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe and perceive it so hard and difficult to get in with self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks again when or if I have done other things before which I enjoyed more then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks, like eaten fast-food or played some sort of sport and believe it to be really true because I feel tired instead of realizing the processes of thoughts and backchat and energy-reactions of/as emotions and feelings that went into the creation of the physical body changes in the form of this tiredness I experience and therefor believe the point that getting in with self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks again if I’ve done something else before that is so difficult instead of realizing that I just want to continue doing what I want and enjoy doing more then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks because I had a ‘fun’ and ‘good time’ thus far and don’t want to sacrifice it through and for self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks. Thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I myself created the tiredness through thoughts, backchat and accepted and allowed energy-reactions of/as emotions and feelings and that I can indeed just simply do my self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks right immediately no-matter what I’ve done before that during my day.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am using the “It’s so hard to get in with self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks” character as a justification through which to be able to do what I’d like to do more then my self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks, such as watching television, listening to music, playing games, participating in sports, spending my time with friends and so on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought that getting in with self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks after I have done something else before that is going to be “tedious” instead of realizing, seeing and understanding that within that very moment of accepting and allowing this thought to exist within me I am creating the very resistance towards self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks and make the simple point of just doing my self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks after I’ve done something before, a process I need to ‘walk’ in-order to get in with the self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks once again instead of realizing that it’s actually as simple as just doing it and does not require a process — but that I experience it as a process because I am unwilling to let go of the past-moments as tasks and activities and things I did before during my day because I had ‘fun’ and a ‘good time’ doing them and want to continue to do what I like, enjoy and prefer more then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks; thus that I do not want to do my self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks because there are things I enjoy doing more and want to do them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backchat “It’s going to be so hard and difficult” to exist within and as me when I am faced with the moment where I have to do my self-forgiveness and my other self-responsibility tasks after I have done other things before that during my day. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from with this backchat accepted and allowed myself to feel low and unmotivated and end up feeling physically tired and lethargic because I do not want to do my self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks because what I did before the moment of having to do my self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks was more fun and I enjoyed it more then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks and thus want to continue to do these things I enjoy more.

Thus, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I feel physically tired and feel low in energy and motivation and have the backchat “It’s going to be hard and difficult” when I have to do self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks after I’ve done other things before that during my day — because I have created a thought in which I picture myself doing the self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks within the experience of pain, suffering and struggle during the course of the application of the self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks absent from any ‘fun’ and ‘enjoyment’, and that I am in that the CREATOR of my experience and resistance and that I am the one that makes it hard and difficult to get in with self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks again if I’ve been doing something else before that during my day and that I can stop in one moment and step out of the character and then see and realize that doing my self-forgiveness and other self-responsibility tasks during whatever time during/in my day, whether I did something else before that or not, is really as simple as just doing it. It’s a Breath. And I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the only reason why I will feel and think and make the point up that it’s hard and difficult to get in with self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks again after I’ve done other things during my day, is when there are other things I prefer, want and desire to do more then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks and that the statement that it’s to hard and difficult to get in with self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks again after I’ve done something else before that is used to justify why I am not doing what’s Best for All and why I made the decision for my self-interest, to do what I like, want and desire and prefer doing more then what’s Best for All Life Equally.

Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel relieved and happy because I successfully talked and reasoned me into giving-up on my self-responsibility tasks and am now free to do what I like, desire, want and prefer to do more anyway and that this relief and happiness is evident of the dishonesty of the point that it’s hard and difficult to get in with self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks again after I’ve done other things during my day before that and that it’s used as a justification to not do my self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks and to validate my decision I made for my self-interest to do what I want, desire and prefer doing more then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks and/as what’s Best for All Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to further physically change and alter my behavior and experience to facilitate and back-up the justification why I am not simply doing my self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks and the decision I made to go for my self-interest rather then what’s Best for All. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have heavy eyes, slouched shoulders, feel tired and move sluggish to facilitate and back-up my justification for why I am not willing to do my self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks and the decision I made to go for my self-interest of personal desires, wants and ‘needs’ rather then doing what’s Best for All Life because physical-experiences are so trustworthy and seem much more valid as a justification and reason for why I’m not doing, or ‘able’ to do my self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks, then just emotions and feelings as energy-experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as and participate within and allow backchat, such as “It’s going to be so hard and difficult”, generate the energy-experiences of/as ‘feeling low’ and ‘unmotivated’ and in that not see that it’s me myself actually, really who is creating how I feel and experience myself and that I am in this the creator of the hardship and difficulty of getting in with self-forgiveness and my other self-responsibility tasks again after I’ve done other things during my day and that I in that am responsible and accountable for this experience and obliged to stop because I can.



Dilan
Posts: 653
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Post by Dilan »

Day 105 The Self-Conscious Character: Self-Corrective statements

Self-Forgiveness:

For the Self-Forgiveness part see Day 103 The Self-Conscious Character

Self-Corrective statements:

I commit myself to deconstruct the self-conscious character through self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application and to assist and support myself with and through breathing as I walk my process of transforming myself from the self-conscious character into physical-living of what’s best for all, to be able to stand as life and assert myself self-honesty without fear and anxiety to be victimized by others. And I commit myself to walk this process of stepping out of the self-conscious character for how long it may take because I walk in the commitment that eventually I will stop that character as myself completely.

I commit myself to stop worrying about what others think and say about me. And I commit myself to when I find myself to worry about what others might think or say or in fact think and say about me, to immediately stop and realize that I am moving inside the space of the mind and that there are thoughts and specific backchat going on in my mind that I allow me to participate in and to take a deep breath and ‘move out’ of the mind-space into physical-space and time and be aware and present of and within my physical body and the physical environment I find myself within. And I further commit myself to, through self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application investigate the thoughts and backchat that ‘make me’ worry about what others think or say about me and so through that to assist and support me to once and for all completely stop worrying about unimportant things but focus on and give my attention to what is indeed important: Doing what is Best for All Life in/as Equality and Oneness.

I commit myself to stop thinking and believing that I am the center of attention and that I get all the attention from others just because I am in their view or because they have seen me once in their life and are thus aware of my existence and to realize that I am not and that it’s really just a BELIEF made self-conviction that has further created a feeling/energy-experience of/as “Feeling watched”. I commit myself to realize that there are billions of being in this world and that I am not the one that gets all the attention from the entire world, from each and every single being within it.

I commit myself to stop believing that I am the center of and within others universe and lives and that everything within them and their lives resolves and is about me but realize and understand that it’s really just a belief, thoughts and voices in my head telling me that everyone is watching me and everyone is talking about me and everyone is thinking about me and only seeing/looking at me and I commit myself to realize that I can stop participation in those thoughts and backchat and feelings and that when I do so — my self-consciousness immediately disappears.

I commit myself to realize that my self-consciousness is caused by the belief, thoughts, backchat and feeling that I am ‘being watched’ and that everyone is talking about me and thinking about me and that I am the topic of discussion within everyone’s and everything’s minds and that people only look at and search for and see my weaknesses and my imperfections to use against me and victimize, ridicule and mock me for. And I commit myself to realize that 99.9 percent of the time it’s only me myself who’s seeing only my imperfections and weaknesses and judges me for them and then projects that onto others into forms of worry and fear. Thus, I commit myself within that to stop believing that I am the hot topic of discussion within everyone’s and everything’s minds and that everyone and everything is only talking and think about me and seeing only me and seeing only my weaknesses and imperfections and realize that I am projecting my own view/perception and judgment of myself onto others into forms of worry and fear and in that I commit myself to stop that and assist and support myself with and through self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application to stop my self-judgmental and self-diminishing and self-victimizing view/perception of myself and assist and support me to see myself for who and what I really am beyond the system/filter of fear, belief and self-judgment that clouds my perception of myself where I only see myself through my fears, beliefs and own judgment.

I commit myself to realize that the feeling of ‘being watched’ is actually generated through specific thoughts and backchat within me and that the feeling is in no way evidence therefor that everyone and everything is only seeing me and talking and thinking about me and that I am not indeed the hot topic of discussion, but that I MAKE MYSELF BELIEVE that I am through the thoughts and backchat which create/generate the feeling of ‘being watched’. And I commit myself to assist and support myself through self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application to find and stop the thoughts and backchat that create/generate the feeling of ‘being watched’ and so assist and support myself to stop the feeling and stop being self-conscious. And I commit myself to walk this process for however long it may take, I walk regardless Till I get it all out and stop being self-conscious in fact. And I commit myself to not give up because I realize, see and understand that the point is multidimensional and it will thus take time to get all the dimensions of the point and that it’s a ‘trial and error’ process Till I find the right points through which to set me free from the self-consciousness.

I commit myself to stop believing and thinking that just because people are NOT only thinking and taking about me the entire time that it means that I am unimportant or worthless or somehow ‘invisible’ for them and that I am then alone/lonely in existence but realize, see and understand that I AM HERE, my physical-body IS HERE, my breath IS HERE — thus I am NOT ‘invisible’ because I am aware of my own existence and I need no further proof that I am Here but the self-awareness that I am Here.

I commit myself within that to stop looking for appreciation outside myself from others and to appreciate myself instead, give myself appreciation and I commit myself to assist and support me through self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application to find any and all points within me that hinder me from appreciating myself and that facilitate the search for external appreciation, acceptance and love to so stop and finally give myself appreciation, acceptance and love for real.

I commit myself to stop using self-consciousness as a means and way of protection against feeling alone and lonely and worthless and unimportant because I am no longer thinking and believing and feeling that I am important and of high value because I think and have conversations in my head telling me that I get all the attention from others and that everyone and everything is talking and thinking about me and that I am the hot topic of discussion within everyone’s and everything’s mind and facilitate that belief, thought and inner-conversations through a Feeling about those exact same points — like I would feel and see/perceive myself within existing as self-consciousness. And I commit myself to instead assist and support myself through self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application to find and stop any and all points as reasons why I feel and see/perceive myself as unimportant, worthless, alone and lonely — instead of trying to protect myself from those feelings and thoughts through making-up the belief that everyone is watching me and talking and thinking of and about me constantly and that I am the hot topic of discussion and the most important thing and of highest value within their lives, like that I am the center within and of their universe/lives/selves — in form of self-consciousness/being self-conscious. And so assist and support myself to stop my self-consciousness and the self-diminishing and self-victimizing view/perception, definition and acceptance of myself as ‘unworthiness’, ‘unimportance’ and ‘inferiority’.

I commit myself to stop needing and requiring others to tell me “We see you. You are Here. You are not invisible. Don’t worry.” because I see, realize and understand that I AM HERE and I need no one and nothing else to tell me that I AM HERE besides my own self-awareness that I AM HERE.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that the Illusion of the Belief, Thoughts, Backchat and Feeling that I am being watched and that everyone and everything is talking and thinking about me and seeing only me and that I am the hot topic of discussion within everyone’s and everything’s minds and the most important thing and that of highest value within others and the center of their universe/lives/selves and that I thus get ALL their attention — is evident within the disappearance of the Feeling when I stop participation within the Belief, Thoughts and Backchat that fuel and generate and maintain the Feeling.

I commit myself to stop my fear of being victimized, ridiculed and mocked and assist and support myself through self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application to investigate and find and so stop any and all the fears and points as reasons why and how I fear to be victimized, ridiculed and mocked and finally stop/transcend my fears once and for all and be able to focus and give my entire attention to Doing what’s Best for All Life and establishing a World that’s Best for All Life Equally till it’s done/manifested/substantiated which I cannot do fully when/if I am preoccupied with my fears mostly, such as the fear of victimization, ridicule and mocking.

I commit myself to STOP to THINK (Picture/Imagine/See) of myself as standing on a podium/stage with a light shining on me and an audience in front of me bringing myself only into their focus/attention completely and looking-for/awaiting and inspecting and seeing only my fuck-ups, wrongs, failures and imperfections and use them against me to judge and victimize and ridicule and mock me within their own minds and in the physical reality.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application to investigate, find and stop any and all behavioral changes and alteration within my self-expression due-to, because-of and as a result-of my self-consciousness to in that assist and support me to discover my true expression within the physical once all the fake-expressions caused through the self-consciousness as beliefs, thoughts, backchat, feelings and emotions as energy-experiences are stopped.



Dilan
Posts: 653
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Post by Dilan »

Day 106 Self-Corrective statements for the “It’s so hard to get in with self-forgiveness again” Character

Self-Forgiveness:

For the Self-Forgiveness part see Day 104 “It’s so hard to get in with self-forgiveness again” Character

Self-Corrective statements:

I commit myself to no longer exist as the “It’s so hard to get in with self-forgiveness again” character and to believe and find it difficult and hard to do my self-forgiveness or other self-responsibility tasks if I have done something else before that and to realize that if I do feel this way that it means that the tasks or things I did before the moment arrived of having to do my self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks were in my eyes and mind ‘more fun’ and I enjoyed them more then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks and that I actually want and desire to continue doing these or such tasks which I enjoy doing more then doing self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks. And in that I commit myself to when I see and find that I am feeling tedious about doing my self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks after I did things I enjoyed and enjoy more then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks — to immediately realize that I am making the experience up and that there are actually thoughts/images in my mind which portray the self-forgiveness, the self-responsibility tasks or any other task and work I don’t feel like doing in that moment, as a ‘tedious’ and ‘fun-absent’ and ‘joy-absent’ and ‘hard’ task/thing/point — and in that I commit myself to immediately stop participation in the thought and backchat and the energy-reactions of/as emotions and feelings because I realize that it’s a fake experience because I created it to justify why I am apparently ‘unable’ to do my self-responsibility tasks, like self-forgiveness, so that I can pursue my desires, wants and ‘needs’ as things and stuff I like, enjoy and prefer doing more then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks.

I commit myself to realize and acknowledge my obligation and responsibility to stopping the and stepping out of the character of “It’s so hard to get in with self-forgiveness again” character and/or any other attempt of resisting self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks because I see, realize and understand that I am the creator of these and such experiences within myself and therefor I can stop.

I commit myself to not allow myself to give-into the definition and acceptance of myself and/as my mind of what is more fun and more enjoyable then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks and instead push through the resistance within and as breathing and simply physically moving myself to do the self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks because I see, realize and understand it’s something that has to be done and I commit myself to see, realize and understand that process as equality and oneness as what’s best for all comes first and once that is done I/we can have a look at things we enjoy and like doing, but not to chase after and fight for them now at the expense of process.

I commit myself to realize that the reason I define and prefer other things and stuff more and as more enjoyable then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks is because I don’t have to face myself as my self-dishonesties through these tasks and things like I have to within and through self-forgiveness and other self-responsibility tasks and that that is evident of the self-interest part of such chasing and pursuing after such activities/stuff/things/points because I am chasing after my personal desires, wants and needs regardless if they are compromising other lives or not because I want my happiness and I can only have that through getting and having what I want, desire and ‘need’ materialize/manifest and I realize, see and understand that that is unacceptable because it is at the expense of life/what’s best for all.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that the reason I prefer and enjoy other things and stuff, such as even just sitting or laying without any purpose gazing into the air, doing absolutely nothing, more then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks is because I am not having to face myself and change myself through such activities like I do have within and through allowing myself to apply self-forgiveness and do my self-responsibility tasks and that doing my self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks would ultimately lead to having to give up all of my self-interest as personal desires, wants and ‘needs’ and that I am not willing to do that. And so, I commit myself to when I see and find myself to resist to do my self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks realize that I am holding-onto my self-interest as personal desires, wants and ‘needs’ which I do not want to give-up, no matter what, and to in that take a deep breath and just push myself within and through breathing because I see, realize and understand that it’s unacceptable to pursue my self-interest at the expense of process and other life while I have the ability and opportunity to make a difference in this world — and to in that immediately move myself to walk my process and do my self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks till the process is done.

I commit myself to be aware of my thoughts and to immediately stop the thought/image that portrays me doing self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks or any other task or work which I don’t feel like doing right now, but prefer and desire to do other, more enjoyable, things, where the process of me doing these tasks is portrayed as a ‘struggle’, ‘hardship’, ‘fun-absent’, ‘joy-absent’, ‘difficult’ and ‘painful’ as I realize, see and understand that if I allow myself to participate and follow and allow that thought to exist in me and define the tasks which needs to be done in such a way that it will further from that thought flow into backchat/internal conversations from which will emerge energy-experiences of/as various emotions and feelings and from there will then influence and change/alter/impact my physical body behavior where it becomes more difficult to ‘get out’ of and the application itself of the self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks become more difficult then it actually is. Thus I commit myself to immediately stop the thought to not further facilitate my resistance to self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks but instead take a breath and move myself within and as breath and get the task done, breath-by-breath, one-point at a time, till it’s done.

And I commit myself to realize, see and understand that the statement I make within my mind, through thoughts, backchat, energy-experiences of/as emotions and feelings and my physical-body experiences, that doing self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks or getting in with self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks after I did something else before that — is ‘tedious’, ‘difficult’ and ‘hard’ and a difficult and hard process — that that statement is a BELIEF, an ILLUSION and that I use it to justify why I am not willing to do my self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks and do what’s best for all because behind this belief/illusion/statement is the desire and want to do other things which I enjoy more because they create forms of happiness and ‘feel good’ energy-experiences within me; and in that I immediately stop the belief/illusion, take a breath and do my self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks because I see realize and understand that I can do so immediately and that it’s not a hard and difficult process to get in with self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks again in-fact at-all and the only times it feels/seems tedious, difficult, hard and to be a process for me is when there are underlying desires and wants to do ‘my thing’, to do it ‘my way’ and to do the things I desire, want and enjoy more then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks. And in that I commit myself to immediately let go of these desires and wants to do ‘my thing’ and do it ‘my way’ and do things I enjoy more then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks and move myself in and as breath, breath-by-breath to do my self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks and to walk my day practically within the context of doing what I can to facilitate the creation/manifestation of a better self and world of/as equality and oneness because I see, realize and understand that it has to be done and that I am obliged to do it because I CAN, I HAVE the opportunity and ability to make a difference and I have the tools and methods to change myself and therefor it’s my RESPONSIBILITY to do so.

I commit myself to stop believing that because I played soccer or participated in any other athletic activity or sport, or because I ate fast-food, that it’s tedious, hard and difficult to get in with my self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks after that because I am apparently ‘tired’ because I realize, see and understand that what I did before such as the sport I played or the food I ate or the time I spent with whatever activities before the moment of having to apply self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks was in my eyes/mind more enjoyable and fun and I don’t want to give that up but want to continue to spend more time with things I enjoy more then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks and in that I immediately stop and take a breath, let-go of the desire and want to do other things and move myself instead breath-by-breath to do my self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks. I am the creator of my experiences. I decide. And I commit myself to decide to do my self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand the extensive processes of thoughts and backchat that went into the creation of the energy-experiences of/as emotions and feelings such as ‘feeling unmotivated’ and ‘low’ and then into ‘feeling tired’ physically from there and that this physical ‘tiredness’ or feeling of ‘being unmotivated’ is NOT valid, NOT real because I created it through my participation in and allowance of thoughts and backchat and emotions and feelings and I commit myself to realize, see and understand that I have the ability to stop and I commit myself to immediately stop the FAKE experience and realize, see and understand that I created it to facilitate and back-up my desires and wants to follow and pursue my happiness through doing things I enjoy more then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks; activities/things that create the feeling of ‘happiness’ and ‘feel good’ energy-experiences within me, because feeling physically tired seems so valid and real to use as a justification and reason to not do my self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks and instead give myself time to spend on things I enjoy and prefer more then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks — and instead take a breath and do my self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks, breath-by-breath, each day, walking each day practically to the fullest, utilizing the time I have available to the fullest in assisting and supporting myself within my own process and simultaneously with the global-process, till it’s done. I commit myself to not allow any excuse, justification and reason to not walk this, especially not personal desires and wants to do other things which I within my mind see more ‘fun’ and ‘enjoyable’ and want, desire and prefer doing more then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks and what needs to be done and what’s best for all. And I commit myself within that to assist and support myself through self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application to find and investigate and stop any and all resistances towards and things I enjoy and prefer more then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks to through stopping these assist and support myself to walk effectively in my process, steadfast, till it’s done.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that doing my self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks and what’s best for all is really as simple as just doing it and realize, see and understand that if it seems more difficult and harder and ‘more’ then just doing it within a single breath, breath-by-breath, that there are underlying desires and wants to do other things I enjoy more then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks which I do not want to give up and ‘sacrifice’ for self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks and this process and what’s best for all, and within that I commit myself to assist and support myself through self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application to investigate, find and stop any and all desires and wants to do other things which I experience as more fun and enjoyment then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks and fear/resist to give up and ‘sacrifice’ for this process and what’s best for all, and assist and support myself within and as breath to push through the desires and wants and do my self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks as what needs to be done.

I commit myself to when I find and see myself to go into any form of happiness or relief after I feel ‘tired’ and decide to ‘rest’ from and not do, or postpone my self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks and end up doing things I enjoy more then self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks to red-flag immediately and see, realize and understand that I have successfully talked myself into and convinced myself through my thoughts and backchat that it’s ‘okay’ and ‘valid’ to not do my self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks immediately and that it’s okay to postpone it and instead do what I enjoy and prefer more and feel more happy doing — and in that to immediately stop, take a deep breath and move my ass immediately to do my self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks and push through any resistance till it’s gone and assist and support myself with and through self-forgiveness and writing if the resistance remains for to long.

I commit myself to when I find and see that my physical expression changes to that of ‘tiredness’, ‘lethargy’ and ‘sluggishness’, such as for example ‘heavy eyes’, slouched shoulders, ‘sluggish’/’heavy’ movement, serial yawning in response to having to do self-forgiveness and my self-responsibility tasks, to immediately stop, take a deep breath, ‘erect’ my body, open my eyes, chin-up, shoulder back, walk or sit straight and through that not accept and allow me to make myself BELIEVE into the FAKESNESS of the experience to convince me that I am really tired to do my self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks and that it is thus okay and valid to not to it immediately and that it’s okay to postpone it and instead take a deep breath and move myself to do my self-forgiveness and self-responsibility tasks, breath-by-breath, till the day comes to an end, each day, till it’s done.



Dilan
Posts: 653
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Post by Dilan »

Day 107 Self-Corrective statements for the “I AM because THEY SAY”/”THEY SAY therefor I AM” Character: Judging myself through others

Self-Forgiveness:

For the Self-Forgiveness part see Day 101 “I AM because THEY SAY”/”THEY SAY therefor I AM” Character: Judging myself through others.

Self-Corrective statements:

I commit myself to when someone judge me or I interpret their behavior and words as a form of judgement towards me, not allow me to internalize the judgment and take it personally and judge myself through their judgement.

I commit myself to when and as I see and find myself hat I am taking others judgment and words about me personally and internalizing it and judging myself through them as their judgment — to immediately stop, take a deep breath and let-go of the judgment and NOT judge me through them as their judgment and words of me.

I commit myself to no more believe that others judgements and personal perceptions they have of and about me to be true and to thus no more allow me to define the totality of myself according-to, based-on and through them as their judgments, words, opinions and personal perceptions of and about me.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to believe that what others say about me, what they think about me and what they see me as as their personal perceptions and definitions of me to be true and that it really represents and mirrors who I really am and in that I commit myself to within that no longer judge myself through others, where I would take their judgement, words, thoughts, opinions and personal perceptions of me as how they see me as, and take it personally and internalize it, make it my own, where I would judge myself in the exact same and equal-to and one-with way to their judgement of me.

I commit myself to not define myself as the ‘Who’ and ‘What’ I am through others definitions, words, judgments, thoughts, ideas, beliefs and personal perceptions of me as how they see me.

I commit myself when and as I find and see that I am taking others judgments, words, definitions, thoughts, ideas, opinions and personal perceptions of me as how they see me, personally and internalize them — to immediately stop and take a deep breath, let-go of the judgement and assist and support myself within and through breathing to live in the physical and not participate in the mind in thoughts and backchat and energy-experiences as emotions and feelings.

I commit myself to not step into and allow the character “You judge me — I judge me” to exist within and as me, where I would immediately take another’s judgment and definition and perceptions about me, personally and internalize them and believe it to be me and in that judge and define the totality of myself through their judgement, definition and perception of me. And I commit myself to when I find and see that I am existing as the “You judge me — I judge me” character, where I immediately take others judgments, definitions and personal perceptions of me, personally and internalize them and make them my own through judging and defining the totality of myself through and as their judgement, definitions and perception of me — to immediately stop, take a deep breath and step out of the character and instead assist and support myself with and through breathing to remain Here and live physically, not allowing myself to judge me and define me through others.

I commit myself to not believe myself to be what others say.

I commit myself to not believe myself as the ‘Who’ and ‘What’ I am to be what others say just because they say that I am that which they say.

I commit myself to not define myself as that which others say that I am.

I commit myself to not judge myself as that which others say that I am.

I commit myself to realize, see and understand that I have my self-honesty here as me and I can very much see and I very much know Who and What I am in terms of my acceptances and allowances and don’t need others to tell me Who I am and thus I commit myself to not judge, define, believe and see myself as that which others say about me and say that I am as that which others judge me as.

I commit myself to not allow me to exist as a character through and as which I take others judgements, definitions, words, opinions, thoughts, ideas and personal perceptions about me as who I am, personally and internalize them and define, judge and see myself in the exact same way from there on.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application to find, remove and stop any and all judgments and definitions I accepted and allowed myself to have about me from my past up to this moment, where I judged and defined me through others, and to not add new judgements and definitions of myself through others from here on anymore.

I commit myself to not believe that the ‘I AM’ as me is what ‘THEY’ as others ‘SAY’ it to be.

I commit myself to step out of and stop the “I AM because THEY SAY” and “THEY SAY therefore I AM” characters and thus I commit myself to not believe that the ‘I AM’ as me is what ‘THEY’ as others ‘SAY’ about me, thus I commit myself to not take others judgements and definitions and perceptions of me and make them personal and internalize them and judge and define the totality of myself according to and based-on their judgements, definitions and perceptions of me.

I commit myself to assist and support myself within and through breathing to not participate in self-judgmental thoughts and backchat if they were to come up within me.

I commit myself to realize, see and understand that I cannot simply believe what others say about me and must cross-reference it with myself in self-honesty to see if it’s true or not because I see, realize and understand that if I allow me to be self-honest I know best who and what I am.

In that, I commit myself to not allow me to be anxious of and experience fear of others judgements, words, thoughts, ideas, opinions and perceptions of me because I see, realize and understand that I will only fear these if I judge me in the same way, but I commit myself to not judge and define me through others judgements and definitions and perceptions of me.

I commit myself to when I find myself to experience fear and/or anxiety to be judged by someone, to realize, see and understand that the judgement I fear is the judgement I do and have unto myself and in that I commit myself to take a deep breath and stop/let-go of the self-judgement as the judgement I fear that others have of me and assist and support me with and through self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application to stop the self-judgement if breathing should not be enough in a moment and to stop and not allow me to judge and define me through others as others judgements, definitions and perceptions of me.

I commit myself to stop the thought as picture that portrays me as the judgement, words, definition and perceptions others have of me and to red-flag immediately when I become aware of it as I see, realize and understand that I am within and through that thought in the process of taking others judgment, definition and perceptions of me personally and internalizing it and making it my own as judging and defining myself through others as others judgements, definitions and perceptions of me — and thus I immediately stop and not allow me to participate in the thought, take a deep-breath and delete/let-go of the thought and thus stop judging and defining myself through others as others judgements, definitions and perceptions of me.

I commit myself to stop the backchat “I am” when someone judges me because I see, realize and understand that in the backchat “I am” as a reaction to others judgement of me — I am taking their judgement personally and internalizing it and judging and defining the totality of myself through and as their judgment.

Thus, I commit myself to when and as I see that I am having the backchat “I am” when someone judges me, to immediately stop participation in the backchat, take a deep breath and let go of the self-judgement and self-definition of that which I judged and defined me as through the “I am” backchat and assist and support me through breathing to remain here in the physical and live in and as the physical and not go into and participate within my mind of thoughts and backchat where I judge and define me through others.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application to find and remove any and all judgements of myself I accepted and allowed within me throughout my life to be able to gift myself the freedom from judgement because I see, realize and understand that there is more to life then constant processes of self-judgement as I have experienced glimpses of such a life.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that freedom is to be free from judgments.



Dilan
Posts: 653
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Post by Dilan »

Day 108 (1) Feeling debased. Feeling humiliated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel humiliated and debased after the conversation I had with the two girls I met on the street because I couldn’t describe to them how to find the location they asked me for in English.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, because I couldn’t describe to the two girls I met on the street the location they asked me for, that they think that I am weired and therefor feel humiliated and debased and ashamed.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I only THINK that they think that I am weired because I couldn’t describe to them the location they asked me for in English.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel humiliated and debased after the conversation I had with the two girls, because I judge myself for fucking up in the conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the conversation I had with the two girls I met on the street, who asked me for a location they were looking for, because I thought that I fucked-up once again with girls/females and once again humiliated myself and proved that I am unworthy and inappropriate for girls/females and thus that I’ll never enter a relationship because I am just not good enough for one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I fucked-up in the conversations with the two girls I met, just because I wasn’t flowing well in my English and couldn’t exactly describe to them where they can find what they’re looking for and judged me because of that and through that self-judgment believe that this is what they were judging me for and as, instead of realizing that it’s merely my own judgement based in fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel humiliated and debased and judge myself because I couldn’t describe to the girls I met where the location is they were asking me for in English, because I think, believe and fear that I’ve made a poor and bad first-impression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and fear that I’ve made a poor and bad first-impression on the girls I met because I wasn’t able to speak well English and thought I have to say something more to them and also because I couldn’t find the words in English when they asked me something and thanked me and in that felt weired and humiliated and debased, with the backchat in my mind “Oh my god… I just totally humiliated myself.” and “They must think that I am weired.”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backchat “Oh my god… I just totally humiliated myself” and “They must think that I a weired” to exist within me and for me allowing myself to participate in it and believe it, instead of simply breathing and realizing that I wasn’t able to speak English well, and that’s it and that I was allowing myself to participate in anxiety and being self-conscious and therefor felt literally BLANK, like I couldn’t even find the words “You’re welcome” or “Any time” when they thanked me, because I was too preoccupied with the thoughts and backchat in my mind that I just totally humiliated myself and was rushing within my mind to just get the fuck out of the moment. Lol.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to slow down in and as breath and not allow me to be self-conscious and go into fear and anxiety and just communicate with the girls I met openly and normally, like I would with myself because I was rushing and thoughts running rampant within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to felt literally blank when the two girls asked me for direction because I thought they want something from me and that they like me and in that thought and belief feared to fuck-up a potential relationship through making a poor and bad first impression, which I thought I did and felt humiliated because I couldn’t communicate with them well in English and couldn’t even find the words that are in fact part of my known vocabulary, because I was so self-conscious and anxious to fuck-up a potential relationship and first-impression that my mind literally went blank.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to when I found that I was again going into and participating within being self-conscious to have immediately stopped and took a deep breath and assisted and supported myself from there on with and through breathing to remain here physically and speak and communicate with them physically as a physical being communicating with other physical beings and speak and communicate with them naturally and normally and openly just like I would with myself and position my self as my body in a position and way I feel comfortable with, without allowing the mind to interfere in the communication and interaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish I could go back in time to correct the moment because I think that I really humiliated myself and that the two girls are now thinking weired of me, instead of realizing that this is just my belief and thoughts and again a sign of being and allowing myself to be self-conscious.

In that, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the entire ‘I have humiliated myself and they must think I am weired’ scenario is only playing out in MY MIND and is thus a scenario created through fear as being self-conscious because I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I do not have PHYSICAL EVIDENCE that they are in fact thinking that I am weired or have lost interest and attraction in me. Lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I have humiliated myself in front of the two girls because I couldn’t speak English well with them and felt anxious and thought that they now must think that I am weired and not what they thought, because I feared that I have made them lose interest and attraction in me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have experienced fear and anxiety and felt humiliated after the conversation with the two girls I met because I judged me because I thought I made them lose interest and attraction in me because I couldn’t find the words to say to them and in that felt weired and because I felt weired I projected my feeling onto them in the form of thought, thinking that they now think that I am weired and therefor have lost interest and attraction in me that I thought they had.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be self-conscious during the conversation and interaction I had with the two girls I met and in that was thinking that they see and look and think about and judge me for my imperfections and mistakes, instead of realizing that the imperfections I think and believe others are seeing and judging me for are only existing in MY MIND, as things and points of me I define and see as imperfect and not others and in that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that just because I see my imperfections and see things and points of me as ‘imperfect’ — that others are seeing the exact same thing instead of realizing that these imperfections I see in me are only existing in MY MIND and not necessarily in others minds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to after the conversation I had with the two girls, felt anxious and self-conscious because I was thinking that they are now talking about me and laughing at me because of my mistakes and because I was weired and that they are in that judging and mocking me and will tell all their friends about weired me, instead of realizing that it’s just a scenario playing out in MY mind due to allowing myself to be self-conscious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel humiliated and judged myself during and after the conversation I had with the two girls I met because I wasn’t able to speak English well with them but said that I can speak English when they asked me if I speak English and therefore think and believe that they think that I am weired and have a false impression of me now because I think and believe that I have to speak English like a master or native person in-order to be respected or not judged.

Okay, so this was just walking the time-line of events to prepare to be able to identify the actual characters at play, because I couldn’t see the characters immediately and therefor I decided to walk the time-line of events to have it here before me to be able to see and identify the actual characters. So, from here I’ll continue with identifying the actual characters.



Dilan
Posts: 653
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Post by Dilan »

Day 108 (2) “I am” Character: Believing myself to be whatever emerges in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the “I am” character, as the character through and as which I define myself as what exist and emerge inside me as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the “I am” character, as the character through and as which I believe that I am that which my mind tells me to be through thoughts, energy-experiences as emotions and feelings, my backchat, fantasies, images, internal conversations and the whole spectrum of mind-components and energies existent inside and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the “I am” character, as the character through and as which I define myself through and as the content and context of my thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings and the entire spectrum of components existent within and as my mind, because I believe it to be me because it emerges inside me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and believe myself to be that which emerges inside me as my mind in forms of thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, images, words, internal conversations and the entire spectrum of components existent within and as my mind, because it emerged inside me and because it emerged inside me it must be me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that what emerge inside me as my thoughts, backchat, feelings, emotions, images and all kinds of energies is not emerging in response to my directive-principled decision for it to emerge, but it does so automatically by itself and in that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize and see and ask the question “How can this be actually me if I did not instruct it to move and emerge and exist in me?”, but blindly accept it as being ‘Me’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe me to be my thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, images, judgments and the entire spectrum of mind-components exist within and as my mind, while I do not even know what it really is and where it really come from and how it really function.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I cannot believe and define myself and accept myself as that which emerge inside me as my mind, in form of thoughts, emotions, feelings, backchat and all kinds of energies and whatever else exist and emerge inside me as my mind because I do NOT even know where it really come from and how it really function and what it REALLY is and that it just emerges automatically in me in moments, always something different in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am my thoughts, feelings, emotions, backchat and whatever else exist as and emerge inside me as my mind just because it emerge and exist in me and therefor I think it must be me, instead of allowing myself to be self-honest and see that I do not even know for real what it is and how it really function.

And within that, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that until I know what it really is and how it really function and how I really created it, that I experience inside me as my thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings and whatever else it is that exist and move and emerge inside me as my mind — I must not believe and define myself according to and AS it and ‘act upon’ it as following it’s instructions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that unless I am totally, self-honestly sure that what emerge and move and exist inside me, such as thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings and whatever it be that exist and emerge in me — is emerging in response to MY directive-principle decision to emerge and exist and is within and as it’s content aligned to and with what’s best for all — I cannot trust and believe it to be ME and therefor I must not act upon it and have it be my instructor and god, telling me what to do next.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that while my thoughts, backchat, feelings, emotions and whatever it be that emerge and exist inside me as my mind is acting by itself, I cannot BELIEVE it to be Me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the resistances I experience to be ‘me’ just because they emerge from somewhere inside me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the backchat to be ‘me’ just because it emerge from somewhere inside me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my thoughts, emotions and feelings to be ‘me’ just because it emerge from somewhere inside me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I can only be sure that something is coming from ‘me’ and standing as ‘me’ when I have made the decision Here in breath for it to be there, then I can be sure that it’s Me because I instructed it to be there in that particular moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be the characters created and existent within me while I do not even know for real how and why I created them and how they function for real and that unless I do understand that in fact, I do not allow me to believe to be and accept myself as the characters, thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, energies and whatever it is that emerge and move inside me automatically without my direct consent and decision for it to be there in that particular moment.



Dilan
Posts: 653
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Post by Dilan »

Day 109 Who’s the Authority? The Insecurity Character as gate-keeper

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to question the authoritative ability I as flesh possess in directing myself and stopping myself from being directed by my mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions, backchat etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to question my authoritative abilities and power and capability as flesh to direct myself and make the decision who to be and what to do in the next moment, in every moment, because I accept and allow the insecurity character to step forward and tell me with all kind of conversations that maybe possible I am misinterpreting things and that I get it all wrong and to not fuck up the entire process, I should doubt and question myself as authority and consider the possibility that maybe possibly I in fact do not have authoritative power and capability to direct myself and stop my mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions, backchat etc — instead of allowing myself to realize that this is the trap and bullshit that has been going on forever, always doubting and questioning myself as the physical flesh in my authoritative ability and potential to direct myself and stop being directed by my mind as thoughts, backchat, feelings, emotions, energies, experiences etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the insecurity character to exist in me and present itself to be me and tell me that I do not have authoritative power and ability to stop the mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions, backchat, energies, experiences etc. and direct myself as the flesh because I do not know the mind really, I do not really know what it is and where it comes from and how it functions and maybe possibly I am missing out on the fact that it might really be god and more then me as flesh and therefore I might just fool and humiliate myself in trying to be the authority of myself as flesh and stop the mind as thoughts, backchat, feelings, emotions, energies, experiences etc. from directing me and making the next decision for me because it’s not possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have abdicated my authority as the flesh over itself to such an extent that I have allowed the mind as thoughts, backchat, feelings, emotions, energies, experiences etc. to become and stand as my god as instructor, making every decision for me and telling me what to do and think the next moment, every moment, and that whenever I consider the potential authority I as flesh possibly have over myself and the ability and power to make my own decisions and decide who and what to be and what to do and live, the insecurity character kick-in, misrepresenting itself as me, instructing me through thoughts, backchat and energy experiences of emotions and feelings to doubt and question my authoritative power and ability to stop the mind and direct myself and be the decision maker and instructor of myself instead of allowing the mind to be so For and over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be insecure, unsure and shy towards the mind, in perceiving and accepting the mind to be more then me as flesh and having the authoritative ability and power to decide for me what and who to be and what to think and do the next moment, every moment and to tell me and make me doubt and question and be insecure and unsure about my authoritative power and ability as flesh to direct myself and be my own decision maker and instructor and about my ability and authoritative power to stop the mind as thoughts, backchat, feelings, emotions, energies, experiences etc. and not be directed by these no more — because I accept me as less and inferior to the mind and have in that abdicated MY authority to the mind, and because I always question my own authoritative power and ability and never take it because I exist in and as the self-doubting and insecure and unsure character — I never take the step of taking authority over myself as flesh and in that non-action I allow the mind to continue it’s authority I gave it over me, never stopping and this has been going on FOREVER !!!! TIME TO STOP !!!!!

I forgive myself within that that I have accepted myself as less and inferior to the mind and perceived it to have authority over me and to believe it when it tells me that it has power over me and that I as flesh have no authoritative power or ability to direct myself and stop it, just because I do NOT REALLY know the mind in terms of what it is, where it comes from and how it functions and because I do not know it and it exist in me, I believe everything it says as though it is fucking all knowing and god, instead of realizing that I made it god, I gave it power and decided for it to have authoritative and decision-making power and ability For and Over me and to believe and accept when it says to me inside my head, making me question my authoritative power and ability as the physical flesh and that because I always doubt and question me as my authoritative power and ability as the physical flesh, I have never gone a step further then in moments here and there, once in a while, considering the possibility that I as flesh might have some say in all of this and that I might indeed have authoritative power and ability to decide to stop the mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions, backchat, energy, experiences etc. to exist as my god and be my decision-maker and instructor, telling me what and who to be and what to do the next moment, every moment, and that I indeed might be able to direct myself and be my own decision maker and that I indeed might have the power and ability of self-direction which I perceive and doubt and feel unsure and insecure about having because my mind is telling me so through and as the insecurity and unsure and self-doubting character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just because my mind exist in me, and because I do not REALLY know what it is and where it comes from and how it functions and because it’s always been here since I can remember, to because of that believe everything it tells me to be true and to be me, like believing that I am the thoughts, the backchat, the emotions and feelings, the energies, the experiences etc. that emerge inside me as my mind and in that definition and acceptance of myself in believing and accepting myself to be my mind as thoughts, backchat, feelings, emotions, energies, experiences etc. — I question, doubt, am unsure and feel insecure when it comes to authoritative power and ability, where I question and doubt and feel unsure and insecure about the authoritative and directive power and ability I as flesh ‘might’ have indeed to stop the mind, to stop my thoughts, backchat, emotions, feelings, energies, experiences etc. and in that acceptance of myself as the insecurity and unsure character, where I believe that I am the insecurity and unsure character, believe everything it says to and tells me because I think and believe that it’s me, and in that have never made the decision to stand as the Authority of myself as flesh and/as my own life and make my own decisions instead of allowing the mind to make them For me.

I forgive myself within that, that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I indeed possess the authoritative power and ability to direct myself as the flesh and to stop the mind because I can stop my thoughts, backchat, feelings, emotions, energies, experiences etc. because I see, realize and understand that it’s me in the first place that allowed and created them to exist in me and because I am the creator/life-giver I can equally be their grim-reaper/death.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize myself as authority and directive-power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind as characters to make me doubt, question and be insecure and feel unsure about my authoritative and directive power and ability to stop the mind and be my own decision-maker.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I fail to be the authority in moments, it doesn’t mean that that moment proves and is evidence that I do not have authority over and as myself at all and that the mind as my insecurity character was all right when it made me question and doubt my authoritative and directive power and ability, but that in that moment I failed as authority I abdicated my authority, that I didn’t stand as authority but still allowed the mind to be authority over and of me and that I can indeed re-align to being the authority, and that as long as I fail as authority it means I am still abdicating authority and not taking and standing as authority completely and that I will fail as authority unless I make the decision to stand and be the authority in every way possible, never again abdicating it.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that self-forgiveness, writing and self-corrective application is the action of taking and standing as and realizing self as authority in not allowing the mind to direct me but I direct me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that in terms of subconscious and unconscious mind points I might now have immediate power to stop in the moment of the processes busy forming a personality or point, but that that does not mean or that it’s evidence that I have no authority at all and that my mind as the insecurity character was right all the time telling me and making me doubt and question my authoritative and directive power and ability, but that the point I’m unable to stop immediately in a moment indicates a point I haven’t dealt with effectively or at all yet wihtin myself, thus I must assert my authority and directive will through writing and self-forgiveness first until I become able to stop it in one breath as an authoritative decision in the moment of it’s potential re-emergence.



Dilan
Posts: 653
Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 18:48

Re: Aldin's Self-Forgiveness

Post by Dilan »

Day 110 Postponing Change: “I don’t want to change” Character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character within and as which I don’t want to change and postpone the inevitability of self-change to the last possible moment because there are still points in my life I dream of and want to make my dreams come true in the physical through manifesting and materializing my desires, wants and ‘needs’ to experience the great life I’ve always dreamt of since I was a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the “I don’t want to change” character to exist in me and represent itself to be ‘Me’, and through stepping into this character I refuse to change immediately when an opportunity for change is at hand because I know that if I were to change in that moment that an opportunity for change presents itself as a point of realization and insight I have in a moment, it would mean that I will have to let-go of my desires, wants and ‘needs’, but I refuse to do so because I still haven’t managed to manifest and materialized my dream-self and dream-life I always wanted since I was young and unless such a life is a reality for me — I will not want to change and will postpone change to the last possible moment until I am forced to change through internal or external circumstances, like when things just become to much to bear inside me or actual physical consequences manifest.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that whenever I refuse to change myself in a moment instantly when I have a realization or insight in self-honesty, that there are still underlying self-interest points of/as desires, wants and ‘needs’ I do not want to let-go of and give-up on but fight for them in the hope that I will eventually manifest and materialize these and turn the life I have into my dream-life and myself into the dream-self I always wanted to be and in that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, because I want my dream-self and dream-life as desires, wants and ‘needs’ to manifest and materialize so badly, allow myself to go to the extent of not caring about life and what’s best for all and don’t care if the physical/practical materialization and manifestation process of my self-interest as desires, wants and ‘needs’ is at the expense of others, as long as I can have what I want to make me feel happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I see, realize and understand that something I am doing or existing as is self-dishonest and I do see the necessity and obligation to change myself immediately and that point I am doing or existing as involves my desires and wants, immediately have the thought manifestation of my desires and wants shattered in pieces and out of reach for ever if I were to decide to change myself, and through that thought generate energy experiences as emotions of fear and anxiety of changing myself because if I change I lose what I want and desire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the “I don’t want to change” character to exist in me and misrepresent itself as being ‘Me’, through which and as I fear to change myself if the change involves the loss of my dreams, desires and wants as self-interest.

In that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to together with and as the “I don’t want to change” Character, allow the Postponement character to step into and work together with the “I don’t want to change” character to extend the period of time within which I can bring-about and live-for and try to manifest and materialize my dreams as desires, wants and ‘needs’ of/as self-interest through postponing the inevitability to change myself until the last possible moment until the inner experiences just become to much to bear or external circumstances such as physical consequences start manifesting and forcing me to change, instead of simply eradicating the characters and LIVING in the flesh/physical in/as breath and change myself immediately whenever I see a point in and as me that requires direction and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience relief when I decide to postpone self-change and not realize that that relief, as the positive energy-reaction after the negative energy-reaction of fear and anxiety I experienced when I was seeing the requirement and necessity to change myself and stop what I am doing and how I am existing as, is the indication that I have successfully talked, convinced and reasoned myself into the acceptance and allowance to postpone and continue pursuing my happiness through pursuing the manifestation and materialization of my self-interest of/as desires, wants and ’needs, I so badly want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the experience of fear, anxiety and guilt when I think to postpone self-change and stop what I am doing and what I am existing as, when I have the realization and see that that is self-dishonest and requires direction and change immediately, is already the indication that I am aware what I am doing and that I do NOT WANT to change because I do not want to lose the hope that I can and might someday manifest and materialize my dream-self and dream-life through manifesting and materializing my self-interest of/as desires and wants and that I should use that experience of fear, anxiety and guilt as a flag-point to see that I am accessing the “I don’t want to change” and the Postponement character, and in that immediately stop myself from living as those characters and instead move myself in and as breath in the flesh/physical to change myself immediately because I see, realize and understand that the change is inevitable and the loss of my self-interest and desires, wants and ‘needs’ is also inevitable, so it’s really unnecessary to prolong my own process and catapult me deliberately into stupidity-loops, just because I allowed characters to exit and present themselves as ‘Me’ and live for ‘Me’ as if they know what’s best for me and best for all life, while I don’t even know where the characters come from and why they exist for real and I don’t know them in an out to be able to trust them to represent me and stand as me and live for me and make decisions in my name.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the “I don’t want to change” and the Postponement character to represent me and live for me and make decisions in my name, while I clearly see, realize and understand that they make no decision that will be best for all life but only for their self-interest as pursuing their personal happiness through the manifestation and materialization of their self-interest of/as desires, wants and ‘needs’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my authoritative and directive power and ability to the “I don’t want to change” and the Postponement character, where they represent themselves as ‘Me’ and live for me and make decisions in my name, while I clearly see that they make no decision that will be best for all Life but only following and pursuing their own happiness through manifesting and materializing their personal desires, wants and ‘needs’, no matter if the obtainment of these desires and wants is at the expense of life/others — instead of myself taking the authoritative and directive power and ability and direct myself in and as each moment in making decisions to be and live only that which will/is best for all life in equality and oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone self-change until the eleventh hour, just to see if I can get away with it and remain in pursuit of my own happiness through pursuing and living-for to bring-about as manifest and materialize my own self-interest as desires and wants and ‘needs’, even though I see that these I must lose as let-go of because they are either self-dishonest as standing in the way of what’s best for all or they are curbing me within my process because I am too preoccupied with these instead of being preoccupied with creating myself as life as what’s best for all and eventually together with all other self’s in this world/existence a world/existence that’s best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am faced with the requirement of self-change of a point in me that involves self-interest as personal dreams, desires, wants and ‘needs’, to become physically tense with an accelerated breathing and hear-beat and a constricted overall body-experience because I am literally fighting-against the change and fighting-for my ability and allowance/permission to live-out or live-for to bring-about my dreams, desires, wants and ‘needs’ as self-interest and that I have not accepted and allowed myself to use that physical body changes and physical behavior changes as a flag-point to see, realize and understand that the “I don’t want to change” and the “Fear of Loss” and “Postponement” character are at play and interaction with each other, presenting themselves as ‘Me’ and living for and making decisions for me and in my name, to back-up my desires and the permission and possibility/opportunity to continue and remain in pursuit of my happiness through pursuing the manifestation and materialization of my self-interest as desires, wants and ‘needs’ through living-for them to bring them about eventually ‘some beautiful day’ — and to in that seeing, realizing and understanding that characters are at play to make decisions for and as me, to immediately stop and take my authority back and direct myself in and as breath in the flesh/physical to make my own decisions and direct myself to do what’s best for all in that moment.



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