The Scale nightmare: Being defined by your weight

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kevina P
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Joined: 16 Jun 2011, 21:59

The Scale nightmare: Being defined by your weight

Post by kevina P »

Today I weighed myself hoping that I would be 1 pound less. Instead I had actually gained a pound since yesterday. That gave me a sense of disappointment. For the past 3 weeks, due to my liquid food diet consumption, I had started to shed some unwanted pounds. When I noticed that I was losing weight that gave me a sense of pleasure.

The bathroom scale has turned me into a pendulum where I swing from one extreme to the other. When I lose weight I am happy but when I gain weight I am disappointed. Then I realized that what I have been creating all along is this energetic relationship to weight, where weight has now defined me and enslaved me, creating friction via weighing myself and experiencing emotions and feelings. How fascinating!

What that in return created was another energy dependence on eating habits. I would choose to not eat whenever I feel hungry because I had created another energy relationship, where the more I ate, the more weight I gained. Also with that relationship, another relationship got created: The more time I spend in the kitchen, the more I will eat and therefore the more weight I will gain. And it seems that this pattern can continue. With not wanting to eat also came not wanting to go and spend money on groceries because more groceries mean more time in the kitchen which means more to eat and therefore more weight to gain. And as a result of that came poor eating habits where I would only eat whatever I can put my hands on just to satisfy some hunger and as a result of that develop really bad habits such as snacking at night and then going to bed shortly after. In addition, I also created this lazy character in me where I would purposely not want to cook anything because I feel bad having to spend money on buying food and watching money disappear from my account just drives me nuts. Another energy dependence! Wow!

So let's recap this. Anxiety created via spending money on food leads to less food in the house which leads to less time being spent cooking food which leads to poor eating habits which leads to stress and this leads to weight gain which then leads back to anxiety as the mind now is consumed about weight all the time.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to create an energy dependence on money where lack of money caused by not purchasing groceries creates uncertainty and this leads to anxiety and fear.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to create an energy relationship to the amount of time spent in the kitchen where the more time I spend cooking implies that the more weight I will gain

I forgive myself for allowing myself to create an energy dependence on lack of food and eating habits where I would purposely starve myself whenever my stomach rumbles causing acid built up leading to poor health ailments such as inability to consume and digest food, all arising due to not eating on time.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to place my weight as the center of the universe where my weight will dictate my emotions and feelings and pivot from up and down generating energy constantly via the mind

I forgive myself for allowing myself to not take 100% responsibility for my health and disrespecting my body by not engaging in healthy behaviors such as spending time and energy preparing meals to ensure that the physical needs have been met.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to place money as the center of universe and not purchase food for myself because of my belief that saving money is more important than my feeding my physical body, therefore depriving myself of nutrients to keep me alive, and express myself in this world.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to judge my body as being overweight whenever I am above 130 pounds because I have idealized my weight and told myself that if I am not 125 pounds that I am not healthy.

When and as I see myself getting caught up with feelings and emotions arising due to my weight, I pause and I breathe. I instantly tell myself that these reactions I experience an energy relationship with do not reflect the conditions that my physical body needs to maintain to ensure that it is fully functional. What matters is that my body is in a condition to keep up with its daily progress so that it can sustain me, as life, whether it needs to be 120 or 130 pounds. I also realize that by putting weight as my starting point, that I am simply fuelling my mind with energy due to my participation in energy derived relationships by continuously thinking of my weight throughout the day and ignoring what is here at present. As a consequence, I put my mind first and my body last, therefore creating friction where I intentionally do not equalize myself to my body and mind and end up not honoring my body for what it does for me. My mind becomes God and my body becomes a slave to God due to the power that I give to my mind by participating in emotions and feelings derived whenever I react to my body weight. I commit to not using the scale anymore to judge myself by how much I weigh and honor my body by taking 100% responsibility to ensure that it is well taken care of through proper diet and activity. ... ed-by.html

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Re: The Scale nightmare: Being defined by your weight

Post by Maite »

Very cool insights here Kevina!

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Re: The Scale nightmare: Being defined by your weight

Post by Ann »

hey Kevina,

I want to add some practical points.
1 pound weight gain overnight is not fat, the body doesn't create a pound of fat as fast as that. It is probably bowel material or water weight.

What I would do certainly is to put the scale aside and stop weighing myself. Place the focus on feeding your body the nutrition it needs to be healthy, and not make it something about loosing a certain amount of weight per week or day. I wouldn't recommend a liquid diet. I don't know about you, but many people experience an empty feeling, or a feeling of never being satisfied when they drink their calories. Chewing is actually very important, and many scientific studies have shown the health benefits from chewing food. It will also give you more fiber and material that does not digest as rapid as liquid food, which makes you feel fuller (normally). Also you most likely won't stick with liquids for your entire life, it is not recommended anyway.
So maybe you can develop an eating pattern that is healthy, do some research about it, and then eat in a way that you can actually sustain for the rest of your life. To make your health a priority and the rest will follow automatically. And then it becomes a way of life for you instead of some kind of weight loss diet.

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Re: The Scale nightmare: Being defined by your weight

Post by Marlen »

Cool for opening this point up, Kevina and cool realizations. I agree with Ann on stopping focusing on being defined by a number and putting the scale aside and instead work on creating a diet that is supportive for your body. This is also to realize the connection between such number and the definition of healthy, which is also a fallacy since a healthy body is not only having the suggested range of weight for proper functioning of the body, but also having proper nutrients.

Also I suggest if you can get the Soul of Moneyseries that are recently explaining that experience we have toward money that you mention wherein it is quite ludicrous such experiences come up when buying food, which is then also a point to open up in relation to the fears of scarcity and limitation toward money which within that, we are not genuinely living but fearing to live because of the money that we have to spend on food, quite a paradox. So, see the value placed on money as a point of 'fearing losing it' and then the value on the amount of kilos or pounds you see yourself as fearing gaining, realize how these points are preventing you from genuinely caring for your physical body that is not an image only, nor is it existing in fear to lose money, but it simply requires to get the necessary nutrients to live.

You can also check out the Imagination series that begin with explaining that relationship to our body as an image and walking it through to the point of self acceptance which I consider also important to look at in relation to these judgments and values we have imposed upon our physical body.

So yes, this is extra support for the points you have already written out here which is very cool and it is an ongoing process of learning how to rather nurture ourselves properly, to spend the necessary money on the food we need and to stop creating the psychological limits without taking into consideration what actually matters, which is having a healthy body and mind equal to and one with the body so that any ideal or fear is written out to see how to establish common sense and bring yourself back to reality.

Thanks for sharing

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