See, saying 'everything will be alright' just by having a 'positive attitude' toward it is another way of creating a veil to not dare oneself to open up the point. For what I've read, this first point is something that I suggest you take proper time to write yourself to freedom about, beginning with 'how it all began' to become aware of how you created and how it is that you DO have to Self Forgive for everything that you accepted and allowed yourself to experience and participate in to generate the current stage wherein you are still taking medication for it. Therefore, what I suggest is to not divert the point of taking self responsibility within this by thinking 'it will be alright.' What this process is about is daring ourselves to open up in detail and specificity the aspects that are existent within us that have lead us to become a certain experience, without realizing that we have created it for ourselves. So, now that you understand we must take self responsibility for it, the next point is opening it up and realizing that there is a process to be walked and to apply in real-life to make sure we do support ourselves through a process of self-correction.
1 PSYCHOSIS: Rather strong fear, fearing another psychotic episode. It is/was a strong fear, but I must say that I have more or less managed to overcome it, because I take rather high dose of the appropriate antipsychotic medication (Leponex and Abilify), don't drink alcohol and don't smoke marijuana anymore. I am completely sure that I am in that 30 per cent of the patients where psychosis never happen again. Nothing to self-forgive at this point, just keeping that attitude and everything will be alright.
Here for example, the entire process of writing yourself out in a 'participant'-mode will be supportive in terms of allowing you to write yourself and actually let out all the details, the experiences, the exact situation, the physical reactions - all that is encompassed in any given moment wherein you've experienced this 'mixed-thoughts' point. You can already see that this 'summary' of fears can take more than a single observational-list to allow yourself to dig into the point and really open up the memory through writing. As you go walking your process, you'll see how this is not about 'controlling your thoughts' but standing one and equal as your mind wherein you can stop all fears when realizing that they only exist as a limitation to not live and express here as the moment of every breath. Being here as breath, slowing yourself down is a physical point of support to not rush into the mind, but take each point that may come up and direct it accordingly.2 MIXED UP THOUGHTS: This is one of my stronger fears, having mixed thoughts that I can't control. This has happened two times up till now and was both resulting the rapid fall of my mental endurance. The mixed up thoughts happened in the evening because I was pushing myself too much during the day.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about having mixed up thoughts.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of thinking about having mixed up thoughts.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the possibility of having mixed up thoughts.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to be afraid of the mixed up thoughts. I understand that mixed thoughts can't happen again, because I do all the things I do in moderation, meaning I'm having pauses between my activities, being in touch with myself and being careful not to be over-active and I'm passive and just relax/chill out after 6 PM.
These is also a point that you can take later on as it seems that all of the above is linked to an entire process of generating a self-created mental state wherein being labelled as having some form of disease is the current way in which these 'states of mind' are dealt by our current 'health-care system.' Within this process and as you go listening to the videos and read the articles and everyone else's participation here, you'll start realizing the points to take self responsibility for because of having accepted and allowed ourselves to neglect the basic aspect of facing ourselves and our reality. You've laid out here the exact conditions that trigger that point so, an example is to expand and write about the exact memory as the points arise and how you go reacting - example on 'Tuesdays' when having that hour at the hospital. Our mind is a system, therefore what we are doing within Self Forgiveness is addressing the exact thoughts and exact associations in relation to the experiences that we generate within ourselves to be able to then take the self corrective action of not participating in the same thoughts that lead to, for example, 'fear of having a nervous breakdown.'3 NERVOUS BREAKDOWN: This is probably my most hardcore fear. This is because I had a adrenaline nervous breakdown in March 2010, and after that I was laying in bed all the time for 13 months. The nervous breakdown happened because I was pushing myself way too much, then having the adrenaline rush and it went over the limit. It is depressing to know that if another nervous breakdown happens I'll never recover and I'll be done with my life. This fear arises mostly on Tuesdays when we have a Creative hour in hospital late in the afternoon. At this time I take additional medication (Loram, a sedative).
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