Writing more about the experience in terms of the entire memory is supportive to see what you were actually 'angry' about, what was it that was going on in your reality that lead you to be experiencing yourself this way -I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be full of anger and hatered. I won't allow to be full of anger and hatered anymore because I understand that I'm my own responsible for how and what I feel.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be grim and not smiling a lot. I won't allow to be grim and not smiling a lot because I understand that I'm my own responsible for how and what I feel.
Cool that you are taking the initiative to experiment with different approaches. Are you co-ordinating this with your doctor?I was participating in that hour without additional medication (Lorazepam) again, because I decided I am done with this strong medication that cause addiction. I've also decided to endure that hour without taking a break, which has proven to be a big mistake. I forgive myself that I didn't take a break when I felt I need one.
From my experience, when I experience a tension/nervousness/exhaution type experience, it is because of my participation within thoughts, backchat and reactions that I wasn't even aware of at the time. So in my experience, in this situation, it's less of a 'pushing' and 'effort' and more of a 'stopping', slowing down.In the begining it was ok, I was more or less calm, but then I was starting to feel a tension and it was growing stronger and stronger. I had no specific thoughts during that hour, I just felt this mental tension. I was pushing and pushing, making effort, which was playing with fire actually as we will later see. When this hour was over I was completely confussed, nervous and exhausted.
I don't know for certain, but maybe this experience had less to do with luck, and more to do with you directing yourself to not fall in to the nervous breakdown and lack of endurance? Could this be an example of you taking directive control of yourself, and not allowing yourself to chase after the thoughts, feelings and emotions, reactions and backchat that bring you into a nervous breakdown or 'lack of endurance'?The result was near a nervous breakdown, the feeling of electricity started to go through my head for a few seconds. I thought that I will go crazy but luckily I was able to calm down to some bearable state after some time. I also thought that my endurance will fall because of that states, but luckily it didn't.
Cool to see you directing your environment and your world to support you and your physical/phsychological needs as much as practically possible.The strategy for the next time having to endure this Creativity Hour will definitely be to take a 5 minute break to calm down. If happens that I will be on duty this same day, which is possible to happen, I will make a deal with personel to allow me to listen only to first two presentations.
Comparing yourself to the others in your group is totally unecessary, it only leads to self-sabotage and does not serve you at all!!! You demonstrate that you recognize this in your self-forgiveness here:It makes me depressed that only I have this problem of enduring that Creativity Hour, other patients don't have this problem.
...but you are still not taking responsibility for it, which is the only way to empower yourself to change. Within your statements above, you are still blaming yourself for what seems to be 'not having acheived a certain amount of progress' that you have projected for yourself to attain. In this way, you set yourself up for failure because you don't have a specific acheivable goal, what you have here is an entire expectation for yourself to change and 'be a certain way' in some undetermined amount of time, which is a huge impossible task!forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be depressed because only I have this problem of enduring the Creativity Hour.
It makes me depressed because I am on the Open Depratment for 3 months already and still have this problem of enduring that Creativity Hour.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be depressed because I am on the Open Department for 3 months already and still having this problem of enduring the Creativity Hour.
here it seems like you're hoping for change, and projecting into the future to a time where the Desteni I process will help you later (which it will), but it would be really cool for you to support yourself now, in your present situation, by taking little steps every day. For example, reminding yourself to breathe during creativity hour.I won't allow to be depressed by the Creativity Hour anymore because I understand that my mental health condition will soon be getting better and better, step by step, with being active and my Desteni process.
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