Luka's Writings

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Luka
Posts: 181
Joined: 04 Dec 2011, 13:31
Location: Celje, Slovenia

Re: Luka's Writings

Postby Luka » 20 Feb 2012, 16:46

Oh, I forgot. Here is the link to my latest post on the blog.



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Luka
Posts: 181
Joined: 04 Dec 2011, 13:31
Location: Celje, Slovenia

Re: Luka's Writings

Postby Luka » 26 Feb 2012, 15:17

Comparing myself with others (On Blog)

On the Open Department in psychiatric hospital, where I stay during the week, there are more or less healthy people. Mostly their acute phase is over and they stay on the Open Department for a month or two to strengthen themself and then go home and live more or less normal life. To the contrary I am being on the Open Department for nearly 4 months and still having problem with the schedule, all this staying on the Open Department is one big acute phase. Other patients don't have problems enduring the schedule, like I do. They don't have problem enduring the creativity hour, like I do. They go to the fitness before and playing table tennis after creativity hour, I can only dream about that. They all endure activities with ease, I still push myself and make quite some effort. They don't have trouble communicating, reading or watching TV, like I do. They don't lay in bed during the day, like I do. They don't need additional sedative medication (Lorazepam), like I do. Sometimes I think that I am the toughest patient in the hospital, but that is in fact not true because there are also patients on the Closed Department that suffer from even toughest diseases like dementia/Korsakoff's syndrome/unability to talk. On the Open Department there are only the people that have problem with psychosis or depression/bipolar disorder. I believe that these diseases are tough but in fact people recover in a month or two and if I look at myself I am staying at the Open Department for nearly 4 months now and haven't improved much up till now.

I forgive myself for thinking/writing about my inabilities rather than focusing on the things that I CAN do.
I forgive myself for comparing myself to others rather that comparing myself to myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others instead of realizing that I am in my own process and I can only be responsible for me and my own process of self-change.
I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that comparing myself to others is self-sabotage which leads me to the emotional experience of depression, instead of me being stable and present in awareness.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself by participating in self-judgment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from others in my group by comparing myself and my progress to them and their progress.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to the others in my group intead of taking responsibility for myself and my own process.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distract myself from facing me Here by occupying my mind with comparison and self-judgment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as comparison and self-judgment.



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Luka
Posts: 181
Joined: 04 Dec 2011, 13:31
Location: Celje, Slovenia

Re: Luka's Writings

Postby Luka » 04 Mar 2012, 12:40

Fears, fears, fears (Part Three) (On Blog)

I am afraid that I won't be able to endure my time in hospital. This is connected to many points actually: Firstly, I am afraid that I won't be able to endure activities that we have in hospital. I am also afraid of the changes of the schedule. Mostly the changes of the schedule are ok, because some activities are cancelled, but the problem is when some aditional activities come up. Secondly, I am afraid of feeling unsecure in my room. I am afraid that life in our room will get unbearable. This is because we are 6 patients in out room and there is constantly someone talking. Thirdly, I am afraid that someone would read late into the night, so we couldn't turn off the light at 9 PM when we usually go to sleep.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid that I won't be able to endure my time in hospital.
I won't allow myself to be afraid of my time in hospital, because I understand that I am strong enough to endure in hospital, especially in my room. My strategy when exposed to a lot of talking in the room is "listen and stay calm" or in the worst case leave the room and go out for a walk in the park.

I am afraid that I will have to stay in hospital for a long long time. This is because I progress very slowly, step by step. I have this agreement with my doctor that I will be release d from the hospital in June 2012 if I will progress enough, that is after 3 months from now.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid that I will have to stay in hospital for a long long time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid that I won't progress enough in these 3 months to be released from the hospital.
I won't allow to be afraid that I will stay in hospital for a long time, because I understand that I will progress enough in these 3 months with being active and my Desteni process/DIP course.

I am afraid that I wouldn't be able to swallow food and starve to death.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid that I wouldn't be able to swallow food.
I won't allow to be afraid of not being able to swallow food because I understand that this is a body function that can't fail and the less thinking about it the better, because if I think about it, I create fear and then this fear starts manifesting and consequently I really have trouble swallowing.

I am afraid of the new room-mates. This is because some of them do a lot of talking which disturbes me and I also need some time to acustom to every single new person.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of new room-mates.
I won't allow myself to be afraid of new room-mates because I understand that I acustom to every new person pretty fast and for the talking my strategy being "listen and stay calm" as I mentioned above.

I am afraid of people talking in my head and repeating thoughts/music playing in my head. This happens mostly when I am mentally exhausted.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of people talking in my head and repeating thoughts/music playing in my head.
I won't allow to be afraid of people talking in my head and repeating thoughts/music playing in my head because I understand that nothing can happen if I don't panic and stay calm.

I am afraid of eating among patients. This is because I need quiet while eating and if someone is talking at that time it disturbes me, especially if someone is talking to me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of eating among patients.
I won't allow myself to be afraid of eating among patients, because I understand that I can say to someone who is trying to talk with me to leave me alone.

I am afraid of the states like losing control / losing control of my thoughts / losing touch with myself / life becoming unbearable.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of these states.
I won't allow myself to be afraid of these states because I understand that I have medication for these states (Lorazepam), but I try to take it as less as possible and overcome these states on my own, which I am doing pretty fine already.

I am afraid of having no fears. This is because I believe that fears have the safety function.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of having no fears.
I won't allow myself to be afraid of having no fears because I understand that I can handle things that I am afraid to do with not doing them using only common sense.

I am afraid that I will never come out of that damned circle, not able to do anything, for instance not being able to read more than 5 minutes at a time and than having 15 minutes pause.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid that I will never come out of that damned circle.
I won't allow to be afraid that I will never come out of that damned circle because I understand that will progress step by step no matter how long it will take with being active, my Desteni process and DIP Course.

I am afraid that I won't regenerate after activities. This is currently my most frequent fear and I would really like to overcome it. This fear arises when I am exposed to a lot of talking, like 1 hour or when I am physically exhausted. It is directly connected to the fear of having another nervous breakdown. When this fear arises, for example on the creativity hour, I have to stand up, walk and breathe for like 2 minutes (I have a permision from the doctor to do that) to check if everyhing is alright with me and then I can continue with the activity. Right now I don't even imagine how my life would look like without that fear, probably it would be great.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid that I won't regenerate after activities.
I am self-honest enough to realise that I can't overcome this fear right now, it will take some time to strenghten myself mentally and then step by step overcoming it.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I make my own fears and can thus stop them whenever I decide so.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am equal to my thoughts and my mind and can so decide what to think and what to feel and can so stop all my thoughts and feelings whenever I decide so by simply breathing and letting them go and by not accepting and allowing myseld to participate in the thoughts and feelings and the act of thinking.



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Luka
Posts: 181
Joined: 04 Dec 2011, 13:31
Location: Celje, Slovenia

Re: Luka's Writings

Postby Luka » 10 Mar 2012, 19:02

Desteni haters (On Blog)

A lot of Destni haters exists, they are mostly very emotional and full of hate. They are obsessed with criticising Desteni and spent a lot of time that. They are mostly slaves of their ego, that is fears, feelings and emotions. Some of them would make good Destonian if they would be able to self-apply the things they are criticising. Some of them even came to visit Desteni farm, then they saw their flaws and actually are now Destonians. I believe that there are a lot of Desteni haters around, but I would like to point out one, it's called Desteni Cult, Critical & satirical views and news on the cult of Desteni. He is really something special, he is really making effort and been blogging for a year now (since March 2011) and wrote more than hundred posts on the topic of Desteni criticism. Desteni haters will always exist and maybe we Destonians should learn something from them that is what we are doing wrong and what should we do better.



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Anna
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Re: Luka's Writings

Postby Anna » 10 Mar 2012, 19:57

Desteni haters (On Blog)

A lot of Destni haters exists, they are mostly very emotional and full of hate. They are obsessed with criticising Desteni and spent a lot of time that. They are mostly slaves of their ego, that is fears, feelings and emotions. Some of them would make good Destonian if they would be able to self-apply the things they are criticising. Some of them even came to visit Desteni farm, then they saw their flaws and actually are now Destonians. I believe that there are a lot of Desteni haters around, but I would like to point out one, it's called Desteni Cult, Critical & satirical views and news on the cult of Desteni. He is really something special, he is really making effort and been blogging for a year now (since March 2011) and wrote more than hundred posts on the topic of Desteni criticism. Desteni haters will always exist and maybe we Destonians should learn something from them that is what we are doing wrong and what should we do better.
Cool Luka.

Some points to consider:

Basically being Destonian is that we are here standing up for what is best for all life through stopping the mind as interest and separation and in that standing up one and equal to/with/as what is here. So from that perspective one does not have to participate with Desteni to be Destonians. lol - from that perspective all parts of life (including the "unseen") that are supporting life to stand up, are "Destonian". So thus there is no such thing as a "good Destonian".

A lot of anti-hate videos and blogs have been articulated from the Destonians as of last year - so cool to check that out (type in "Desteni Anti Hate" on YouTube or Google), though also suggest to not become "obsessed" with the haters - and if reactions emerge, to simply bring the points back to self.
Desteni haters will always exist and maybe we Destonians should learn something from them that is what we are doing wrong and what should we do better
Yes, the "hate" is actually a cool way of facing self and of being faced with/as the system in its brutality, deception and self-delusion. And as you say, some haters have actually realized themselves in self-honesty and started participating. Though I suggest to consider looking at the statement of "Desteni haters will always exist..." and what that is implied within making such a statement.

Thanks for sharing!



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Lindsay
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Joined: 13 Jun 2011, 19:50

Re: Luka's Writings

Postby Lindsay » 10 Mar 2012, 20:55

Hi Luka -

Just wanted to inform you that I disabled the link you embedded to the Desteni Cult website, as by placing the link here, it actually assists them in getting more views/hits in a search, which is not what we're interested in doing, lol.

Thanks



Maya
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Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 21:56

Re: Luka's Writings

Postby Maya » 11 Mar 2012, 09:50

A lot of anti-hate videos and blogs have been articulated from the Destonians as of last year
http://forum.desteni.org/viewforum.php?f=34
maybe we Destonians should learn something from them that is what we are doing wrong and what should we do better.
Luka, i suggest to look at what have you define or see as doing wrong and what is that you think we should to better.



scott
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Re: Luka's Writings

Postby scott » 11 Mar 2012, 12:18

Thanks everyone – The point of what is described as the ‘hater’ has led to a lot of clarification for me as there were certain reservations I had as well. It also exposes the tendency to skim the surface of ‘information’ with the starting point of gravitating to whatever one wants to believe when everyone wants to believe in something different according to the idea of ‘free will,’ and the whole consequential outflow of that speaks for itself.

Hey Luka - I’ve actually been a similar ‘situation’ to yours, and it’s interesting to read it from someone else’s perspective. I haven’t yet written about in much detail, but it was definitely a point where I was able to stop and question the system and how I relate to it. The first few days I mostly just wanted to avoid everyone as much as possible, but before long I became ‘friends’ with some of the people there, and was able to enjoy it for what it was. I spent a lot of time drawing, because there wasn’t much else to ‘do’ there except sit in front of a television, read a magazine, play cards or stare out of a window. However, there were other people there and when we weren’t all busy trying to avoid each other, we could interact and it was usually pretty cool. It would have been nice if I had actually kept a journal, although my memories of the place seem pretty vivid and I’ve referred to them in relation to other points that I’ve written about.

You brought up the anxiety toward ‘new roommates’ which made me remember what that was like. Sleeping in a room with ‘some strange person’ was something to ‘get used to,’ because there was always this mindset that we’re all supposed to be ‘victims’ apparently and being ‘held captive’ by some ‘greater authority’ when, of course, we’re no ‘greater’ or ‘less than’ the system. The shuffling around of roommates always led to a cool and interesting reflection as every other person seems to have their ‘odd habits’ that seem to ‘conflict’ with ours, so it’s definitely an ideal situation for interacting with other people, and especially writing.

Thanks and enjoy -



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kim amourette
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Re: Luka's Writings

Postby kim amourette » 11 Mar 2012, 16:24

"maybe we Destonians should learn something from them that is what we are doing wrong and what should we do better."
-

yes Luka, cool insight, we as the mind have constructed ourselves within all sorts of excuses, validations, explanations and justifications that serve to defend the definition of self as our personalities and identities that we believe ourselves to be. So, when we are faced with beings trying to 'devaluate' Desteni or Equal Money - it is an opportunity for us to debunk the reasons/excuses/justifications that they bring up to make sure that we ourselves are clear within who we are and what we stand for/as, to ensure that the words we speak and what we support is in fact what is best for all.



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Laura Nuñez
Posts: 89
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 20:10

Re: Luka's Writings

Postby Laura Nuñez » 11 Mar 2012, 21:53

Cool Luka...
an example is my mother. She is antidesteni.
i think she sent even a letter.
and she's been 4 years trying to do everything so that i stop listening and reading the material, lol.
She found my blogs and vlogs and she had inmense anger.

It's been 4 years now...
and she's been calming down a bit. Because she's seeing that the anger is actually very disturbing, obviously for her, since i'm stopping reactions, in the beggining i would react and with information fight back, but now i just breathe or go, and say to her: i wont speak to you like this.

Because it's a possesion that takes place, till the energy is no more,or till they stop.

So she's not a hater who goes doing videos or blogs obsesed about it.
But she got the idea that desteni is a cult and that sunette is mentally distorded. I suppose it has to do with mein the beggining speaking about desteni to her from the starting point of wanting to share information, knowledge, but i was not even living it yet.
So that also created consequences. Yet her resistance has been so inmense.

I'm learning from this a lot... to stop my reactions, to breathe, and also to put my feet on the ground, seeing that i must work and take care of myself instead of fearing (as i did in the beggining) my mothers reactions because she and my father are the ones who mantain me with money.

She has seen this changes in me so she also tells me: ok, you have improved certain things... but do something with your life!!!!
She can't understand that through internet or writing or self forgiveness i can birth myself and help others.
But she had a lot of reason in the beggining... i mean probably she was showing to me that i was only focusing myself on breathe all the time, but wanting to supress some things, because i didn't started directly through writing. I also started sharing and sharing and wanting others to see this, and she saw that, yet with her reaction it was very difficult to speak.

But cool i see this now too




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