Jessica A. --- writtings

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JessicaArias
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Joined: 11 Apr 2012, 05:41

Jessica A. --- writtings

Post by JessicaArias »

ok!

I am here writting myself out and sharing with you what happened within my suddenly retirement from here - desteni forums and here...from my self...

I accepted with me the feeling of being fed up from this constant task of directing and facing things...mmm.. physically also cause I followed with this Respiratory problems and I was not stopping the patterns of 'letting me breathe' -- and I participated in wanting to see this process as something quick and I found myself 'analizing' everything = getting obsessed! thinking instead of breathing and letting everything flow.
I took the easy path - that it was 'stopping all participation here'.

So I forget about testing and analysing me all the time - I didn´t go back to certain patterns I stopped here, but I returned yes, to others I was walking in the last days here, but I didn´t stopped searching and 'worrying' about the Responsability I had in everything within myself....mmm so was a time where I faced alone those points and it was like shaking from that personality I was creating - I observed that instead of freeing me of points i was creating others...
I participated in the system of placing me as a nuisance for others, judgements, feeling less than, saying-- ' I help more being away from there.. I don´t want to bother other people and also I don´t know how to ask for assistance...so I dropped everything....

When I saw Marlen´s video i felt that judgement again; the way I stopped participating and all.. and I started to think ... to think... again... to think...haha...But I moved myself. I was acting within that pattern of mine - of thinking before acting ... I am now more aware of that ...
And well .. I am here writting.

But this ...mmm.. kind of isolation was an assistance and I am thankful for the things i realized and the way I faced myself... and mm as I said I saw myself as participating in this as something apart from me, something that Desteni was saying and not realising that all the tools are here and nothing is 'new' so.. obsessing, forcing myself and running within this and not being Responsible, Honest and clear at all... i was just - as my way of see it.. i don´t know how you perceive it... creating another personality instead of really changing...i was just fighting ...


well, I´ll be writing more ...

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Lindsay
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Re: Jessica A. --- writtings

Post by Lindsay »

Cool Jessica - we cannot turn our backs from responsibility, no matter how hard we may try, once we see what we are required to do - what's done is done - otherwise, as you have seen for yourself, we are only allowing ourselves to be haunted by our own inaction and self-deception, which is not only unnecessary but is a waste of precious time.

Start over, forgive, let go, and walk - breath by breath.
JessicaArias wrote:but I didn´t stopped searching and 'worrying' about the Responsability I had in everything within myself
Once we stop the search and worry, and simply move and direct ourselves with humbleness, the decision to do whatever it takes becomes fluid.

If we can face ourselves, we can face this world - we can face anything.

Thanks for sharing

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JessicaArias
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Re: Jessica A. --- writtings

Post by JessicaArias »

Lindsay Craver wrote:no matter how hard we may try, once we see what we are required to do - what's done is done - otherwise, as you have seen for yourself, we are only allowing ourselves to be haunted by our own inaction and self-deception, which is not only unnecessary but is a waste of precious time.
Yes, I have wanted to find a way to help and I can´t just close my eyes!

Lindsay Craver wrote:Once we stop the search and worry, and simply move and direct ourselves with humbleness, the decision to do whatever it takes becomes fluid.

If we can face ourselves, we can face this world - we can face anything.
I agree. :D
Lindsay Craver wrote:Start over, forgive, let go, and walk - breath by breath.

Thanks Lindsay, for your words and for reading!

Marlen
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Re: Jessica A. --- writtings

Post by Marlen »

Lindsay wrote:we are only allowing ourselves to be haunted by our own inaction and self-deception, which is not only unnecessary but is a waste of precious time.
Cool point and this goes not only when and if 'stopping participation in Desteni,' but in any given moment that we see and realize in that moment that we are in fact neglecting to direct ourselves and allow ourselves to create our own 'backstabbing' by being aware of what we are doing, yet not directing ourselves to simply stop the experience and give ourselves the necessary direction to stop all experiences.

It is a waste of time because it is definitely a wake up call when you see that there is no 'turning back in time' to gain back what has been 'lost' - yet it is only time that we can create for ourselves from here on to ensure we don't neglect our responsibility by opting out for a quick fix. This can happen at any given moment throughout our day as well, so - cool support here.

Another point is making sure that you establish you as the starting point of 'coming back' which is just you deciding to support yourself- not to make it a 'reaction' as in having triggered and experience withing you 'out of not participating,' but to fully stop all judgments about it and start anew, to really have a look at yourself, how you walked your process thus far and how you can support yourself to make sure you write out a practical structure through writing on how to direct you whenever such moments 'loom again' around your head. That way you become your own support - and never be caught within the indecision to ask for perspectives/ support, we're all here learning from each other and that's how we walk and what the forum is for.

thanks for sharing, guys

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Anna
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Re: Jessica A. --- writtings

Post by Anna »

Cool all - thanks for sharing.

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JessicaArias
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Re: Jessica A. --- writtings

Post by JessicaArias »

Marlen wrote:Cool point and this goes not only when and if 'stopping participation in Desteni,' but in any given moment that we see and realize in that moment that we are in fact neglecting to direct ourselves and allow ourselves to create our own 'backstabbing' by being aware of what we are doing, yet not directing ourselves to simply stop the experience and give ourselves the necessary direction to stop all experiences.
yeah! we have to direct ourselves within or without. Not 'waiting for any reason...yes, indeed.
Marlen wrote:It is a waste of time because it is definitely a wake up call when you see that there is no 'turning back in time' to gain back what has been 'lost' - yet it is only time that we can create for ourselves from here on to ensure we don't neglect our responsibility by opting out for a quick fix. This can happen at any given moment throughout our day as well, so - cool support here.

yes, great support I really appreciate this!
Marlen wrote:Another point is making sure that you establish you as the starting point of 'coming back' which is just you deciding to support yourself- not to make it a 'reaction' as in having triggered and experience withing you 'out of not participating,' but to fully stop all judgments about it and start anew, to really have a look at yourself, how you walked your process thus far and how you can support yourself to make sure you write out a practical structure through writing on how to direct you whenever such moments 'loom again' around your head. That way you become your own support - and never be caught within the indecision to ask for perspectives/ support, we're all here learning from each other and that's how we walk and what the forum is for.
yes Marlen Thanks for this!
I stop participating in Desteni yes, - coming here to write and reading and watching the information - but in fact was not participating and supporting me in each moment. I stop all, I suppress myself and I throw everything away.
And yes, I realized that even if I am at desteni or not at desteni i was not being Honest and all - closing my eyes and ears to myself, cause I am totally aware that each person has to change here to change in every part of this world..and there are no more time to 'play around' or think in more ways to do this....having 'indecisions' yes! that´s the word.

Thanks for reading and for the words, indeed cool support for everyone who read this.

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Leila
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Re: Jessica A. --- writtings

Post by Leila »

Would be interesting to look at and identify what 'backchat' went one exactly as you decided to 'stop' participating -- there's probably a lot of vital points there, which have been accumulating over time.

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JessicaArias
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Re: Jessica A. --- writtings

Post by JessicaArias »

mmm...Mainly it was not believing anymore in what i was doing, and asking me constantly Why I was doing what I was doing...in fact i am thinking that right now ..What i am doing? where I am standing? ...mmm.. is not about the path or the tools, everything I have read or walked... is about me..like not really knowing or asking me honestly what I really want and if I 'can do it..uff......i don´t ...mm.. really know if I am doing this for myself or for others... I follow and followed those thoughts....
I felt I couldn´t find the way to externalize what I was experiencing...followed with boredom and lazyness....and walking in the same circle ... ,,,

that for a start - i´can´t 'see' beyond that...

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Lindsay
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Re: Jessica A. --- writtings

Post by Lindsay »

JessicaArias wrote:mmm...Mainly it was not believing anymore in what i was doing, and asking me constantly Why I was doing what I was doing...in fact i am thinking that right now ..What i am doing? where I am standing? ...mmm.. is not about the path or the tools, everything I have read or walked... is about me..like not really knowing or asking me honestly what I really want and if I 'can do it..uff......i don´t ...mm.. really know if I am doing this for myself or for others... I follow and followed those thoughts....
I felt I couldn´t find the way to externalize what I was experiencing...followed with boredom and lazyness....and walking in the same circle ... ,,,

that for a start - i´can´t 'see' beyond that...
Jessica, instead of continuing to meander around and basically 'explain why' you did what you did - forgive yourself, correct yourself - for nobody else but YOU; and through this you will see clearly that you do not require a 'belief' to do what you do, but simply do. Stop allowing yourself to continue to procrastinate and postpone.

You can see even here with how you have placed your words with all the 'mmm...' and ... ... ... - that you are still allowing backchat and not standing clear as the self-directive principle of your writing.

Time to get your hands dirty, take self-responsibility for what you alone have created, and write the shit out - proper.

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JessicaArias
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Re: Jessica A. --- writtings

Post by JessicaArias »

Yes, Lindsay
you´re right!!!
I´ll stop this stupidity within me and start from 0 correcting myself!!!!
This is it...


Thanks again!

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