i am not new to Desteni, I first came across the material in about 07/08 and have basically wasted 10 years sitting on knowledge and information and not doing anything about it...
Fears, resistance to writing and SF, waiting for 'something' lots of excuses and justifications but I am reaching the point where I am growing very tired of my own bullshit. And also if I am honest with myself I am probly just more afraid now of the real consequences I am creating by not directing myself than any of those excuses and justifications for not doing so...
So in that spirit, this is me beginning in trying to change that.
I bought 2 personal interview requests a while back, and I transcribed some of the first one as it was a great condensation/summary of where I am at and starting points for me to work on.
I post it here as I feel it communicates that better than I can, and also it might support others experiencing similar points themselves.
The main point that came up was 'maturity' and was a response to the folowing interview request:
"I would like to hear from my body/beingness please. I would like to give the body/beingness free reign with the time it has to express to me what it wants to share with me or communicate to me."
maturing in my relationship with mind being and body starting with:
"noticing that when your thoughts come up, when your emotions feel like it goes all over the place, usually you would have the thought of wanting to blame your mind, ok? Or feeling like your mind is just to strong or overpowering. here we want you to slowly but surely start practicing and instead reminding yourself - 'no, no, no. this thought isnt true, i can right here right now make a different choice to instead, breathe and forgive myself for wanting to participate in these thoughts, for thinking that there's no other way, for believing that I'm disempowered..." and instead you go - "but i dont wanna feel this disempowered i want to be more calm right now" you know? and then you decide to slooow down and breathe, and just.. calm yourself. and just move through whatever tantrum (*laughs*) you know, some part of you was trying to throw there ok?
Um, thats the one most important thing, like, you've just got to get out of that habit and addiction... its almost like a thought habit, an addiction of believing that the mind is more powerful than you. instead of realising - but you are creating that belief yourself... and if you just change that you can learn how to work with your mind instead of always feeling like your own mind is against you.
now, as they always say 'we are our own worst enemy' meaning we create ourselves into our own enemy. its like the same thing that i just told you earlier about your mind, you know we're saying we want to change our mind, and our relationship with it but we've become so contradictory in the sense that the very mind
we want to start changing, and really want to change and you know, get rid of and all of that. .. we constantly in our every day lives make the statement that it is more powerful, and we are just always a victim and disempowered.
so secondly, stop blaming your mind. stop getting angry with it. stop feeling like its always in the way. its only you yourself thats in your own way. so i would suggest some self forgiveness on any bad thoughts or reactions that you've ever had toward your mind. your mind, remember, is an extension of you, your mind is a part of you. you can listen to the reptilian series where anu and them explained how they created the mind. the mind comes from within you, of you and as you. your mind is reflecting and showing you parts of yourself that just needs attention, that needs work on.
so your mind is actually this extroadinary mirror thats at your service, thats showing you, you to yourself. not so you can get angry at it, or react to it, or blame it. but so that you can look at yourself for who and what you really are. if anything, your mind is the one thing thats showing you the total absolute truth of yourself. its the truth mirror. its the one thing you cant hide from. or lie to. cos the truth of whats going on and whats existing in you is right there in your face, you just now need to learn how to deal with it, how to um, work with it, work through it, and change it, to a better version of you, so that what gets reflected inside yourself through your mind is always something you can be proud of.
essentially you want to live every day in such a way where, when you look at yourself in the eyes in the mirror, you are proud of yourself. even with sometimes the mistakes and the downs that you've had in a day, but now we come back to that writing, that balance for yourself every day. write down the good you see in yourself, the supportive. write down where you've noticed you've changed, where you've actually done something awesome...
and also dont be afraid to confront the bad. those are the things we need to, in a way make peace with, accept and then say - yes, this is how im existing right now, but it doesn't mean im gonna just accept it. it means im not afraid to look at it, to confront it, to understand it. to sooo be able to change it. because what do we know? as long as we judge anything, blame it, react to it, resist it, we are never gonna be able to embrace it in a way of understanding it to change it. ok.
and with this maturity that you'll be developing in all the points that we've mentioned in this recording, your relationship with other people will also start maturing. and you'll be looking for that one thing that you always felt missing. that you've always found it very hard to connect to people on a deep and intimate level.
thats something you must have a look at... cos thats still something thats almost pushing you, in your life, that feeling of, like you're missing out on a form of an intimacy and a depth that you know is possible, but you dont know where to start creating it with another.
Always start with yourself, and we're gonna start with that journey on developing the self maturity in your relationship with you first and you can start becoming intimate, in deep, and getting to know all of you within yourself."