Tyler's Journey to Life

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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 16 Jun 2020, 09:00

Day 45- Self-Forgiveness on Racism

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear racism

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate racism

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others for being racist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that experiencing racism in others implies that I have racism inside me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have racism inside me

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that having racism inside me implies that I have been preprogrammed to have racism inside me

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to not realize that having racism inside me implies that I am racist

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be racist



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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 17 Jun 2020, 08:24

Day 46- Self-Forgiveness on Hopelessness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize, and understand that as long as I allow one thought as the mind as me to direct me, I cannot be effective in this life

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to justify not being effective in life as what’s best for all because I beLieve it’s ‘hopeless’ to try to change Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it’s hopeless to try to change life into a life that is best for all

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my parents for putting me into a situation where it is apparently impossible to make changes within me / my world which move me towards being effective in this life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at my parents for not apparently supporting me to make effective physical changes in the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself without considering the changes I have already made through walking the Desteni tools of self-forgiveness, self-writing, and self-honesty



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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 18 Jun 2020, 18:12

Day 47- The New Normal, Just Like the Old Normal

What with the COVID-19 crisis and the "new normal" we are experiencing on a worldwide scale, I, myself, am experiencing a shift in my personal process that I thought would benefit from a share. So, I am opening a new thread to start writing, here, as I am. Thanks for reading.

Currently, I am in a difficult situation, although that is relative considering the horrors some in this world currently face. However, I am in my own personally difficult situation, and that is what is relevant to me, it's what I have to work with, and it's what I can actually DO something about, so it's not to belittle my own situation despite the fact that I am not immediately faced with dying for lack of water or something like that.

Before this COVID-19 crisis, I had already faced a number of changes in my life. I was suspended from my position at work, I moved out of the place I was renting, and I acquired and then promptly disacquired a partner (lol). This, all in probably the space of a month. It's like a part of me anticipated the coming global transformational change and started creating this crisis or that to train myself for what was to come.

However, I was prepared for chaos, uncertainty, instability, whatever you want to call the current state of this world today since a long time ago. Growing up, someone close to me was prone to EXTREME bouts of anger. There was no telling what would set them off, so basically I developed a coping mechanism of manipulation, realizing it was more important to get this person to think/believe something was true whether or not that was actually the case.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use manipulation to convince someone something is true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not developed the skill of practical application

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it is more important for someone to think/believe/feel a certain way than it is to directly communicate with the being to come up with a practical solution

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that constantly manipulating others to create the illusion within their minds that things are a certain, specific way compounds consequence when things aren't actually done effectively in reality

Desteni.org



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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 21 Jun 2020, 22:18

Day 48- Angry at Myself

Last night, I was having such a good day and then a single moment seemed to derail the entire thing. I was driving along in my truck and was trying to figure out where I was going to stay for the night now that I am here in Arizona. Instead of pulling over, I allowed the sneaking thought in: what if I just search hotels quickly and started searching for hotels on my phone while driving. Of course, I veered out of the lane and while nobody was hurt, it could have been a dangerous situation. I then spent the rest of the night angry at myself for allowing a single moment of carelessness to ruin a whole day and potentially my whole life moving forward from that point.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at myself for looking up hotels on my phone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret looking up hotels on my phone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an energetic possession after becoming angry with myself for looking up hotels on my phone while driving, where I was agitated and regretted my decision and couldn’t think or act clearly all night

I forgive myself that I then accepted and allowed myself to not handle the situation at the hotel well, because I was so agitated and disoriented and confused from being angry and disappointed and regretful from my decision earlier to use my phone whilst driving, that I was not stable and able to effectively direct the situation within the hotel to my satisfaction, so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into further frustration and regret and energetic possession after my encounter with the deskperson at the hotel, where I sped up while driving away instead of going back and having a discussion with the person, simply allowing myself to go into a giving up reaction towards the situation within allowing the thought “I’m too tired to deal with this”. I also forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe “I’m not good enough” to get myself established at the nice hotel. 





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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 26 Jun 2020, 05:59

Day 49- How Spite Consumes Me

and

Day 50- Self-Forgiveness for Anger for Smoking a Cigarette

Today I had a pretty good day. I called the hotel to complain about the employee who, as it turns out, did mistreat me. It didn’t change much, but I feel better about the situation now, lol. Also, I booked a massage and was treated by a highly skilled practioner who was able to assist me in feeling a LOT better. It was funny, because I was pretty sure he was gay, but then he started talking about his girlfriend, which might have been a cover, but just goes to show you can never judge a book by it’s cover.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angry with myself for smoking a cigarette, instead of seeing and realizing and understanding that it was a matter of really needing my fix, lol, because I simply was unable to purchase the vape pen at the store

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe I am going back into depression because I smoked a cigarette

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear going into depression

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to not realize that fearing going into depression implies that I have forgotten the simple fact that I have lived with depression for years and years and years and so I have in fact already lived depression = definitely something to look out for, but not something to fear

When and as I see myself go into the emotional reaction of anger towards smoking a cigarette, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that at this point I have created a chemical dependency towards nicotine, and if something happens where I cannot get a replacement for my nicotine, one cigarette isn’t going to kill me.

I commit myself to purchase a vape pen



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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 27 Jun 2020, 09:52

Day 51- What Does the Feeling of Winning on Your Mobile Phone Say About Privilege?

I am feeling very unsettled. There was a moment of self-sabotage whilst playing a game on my phone competing with another being. This is a reoccurring experience of mine: when playing competitive games, it’s like there is this external intrusion that prevents me from expressing myself unconditionally within the playing. I experience a need to not try my best to win. When playing the game, I initially want to win very badly, but then it became apparent that it was not best for all for me to try to do so. However, then I experienced confusion because, what am I supposed to do when playing a competitive game if not try my best to win? What comes up in relation to this is a split between wanting to be “of this world” of the competition systems and being in this world but not “of this world”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use competitive video games as a backdoor to living as what’s best for all in every moment, where I justify using my privileged knowledge and information from Desteni against the person with whom I’m competing within the ‘excuse’ that ‘it is a competitive game, I’m supposed to try to win’, instead of doing what’s best for all within every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to justify trying my hardest even when it’s not what is best for all because of getting caught up in the energy rush of playing a game, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that such games are designed to create such energy rushes as energetic experiences, and if I cannot be sure that I stand steady and stable within myself before and during playing such games, maybe I should not start playing them in the first place

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to then go into the energetic experience of sadness in relation to ‘no longer being allowed’ to play such games, where I fear ‘missing out’ on the experience of playing competitive games, and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to also fear missing out on competing within the world system through applying myself to live with and as what’s best for all within every moment, wherein I generate thoughts and feelings and desires related to winning and beating other participants that I can generate within myself when I compete, not realizing, seeing, nor understanding that the world-system is rigged in my favor in most of these situations, otherwise, how else could I so easily win?

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize how such energies of glee, excitement, entertainment, and frivolity are dependent upon my unequal position in the world-system, where I have been given opportunities to develop skills which allow me to ‘beat’ another, without even having a say in being given these opportunities, but to simply have until this moment lived out my privilege on an unconscious level, accepting my position in the world system, without realizing the absolute horror beings who have not been gifted such opportunities must live in on a daily basis, here I am talking about those in destitution and subject to violence and abuse in ways I have not imagined, whose positions I also accepted without questioning the WHY and the HOW of their positioning, but simply indulged in the pleasures of my relative privilege seemingly unaffected by their real pain and horrible life experiences.

I mean, how is it that, in a single universe, millions can be suffering, while on the other side of the world, others are enjoying the finer niceties of life? Sure, the privileged occasionally give into guilt with regards their superior position in Life, but why do so few question HOW or WHY such beings can live in a sort of bubble of privilege without being affected in any way whatsoever by those suffering on the same planet? 

The principle of self-responsibility is confirmed within the lack of the intrusion of any law of karma or morality or connectedness which you would think would prevent a painless life of joy and happiness alongside beings suffering unspeakably. Which is just the problem of this world isn’t it? There is absolutely nothing TO stop you from living a life indulging in this or that luxury or feeling or experience or vacation or purchased item. The idea of a heaven or a hell is a lie, because otherwise how could millions of beings throughout all time have lived such lives without some law balancing out the situation on Earth to ease the suffering of millions others?



Investigate the Equal Money System and a Living Income Guaranteed to stop suffering on earth

Check out DIP Lite to walk the mind in detail. It’s a free course w/Buddy

Investigate Desteni-Universe
Investigate Desteni.org
Check out EQAFE- your existential library w/EVERY question answered for Everyone



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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 27 Jun 2020, 12:37

Day 51- Part 2- Playing with the Fire of the Law of Attraction

I just watched a video by Maite Zamora Moreno where she talks about the pitfalls of playing with the law of attraction:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXMx-jWaVPw

As someone who used a lot of psychedelics and was ‘enchanted’ by the law of attraction, it took me a while before I understood how focusing on the positive was extremely consequential. 

Because, have a look, there is a polarity play-out within focusing on the positive. This is the same thing we are seeing amongst the love and lighters of this world. Instead of recognizing, delving into, and thus taking responsibility for one’s dark side, the love and lighters instead focus on the positive only. There are consequences to looking at the darkness of the world, KNOWING the darkness of the self exists, and then choosing to only focus on the nice, joyful, happy, ‘positive’ things of this world, within and without. The more attention is focused on positive energy only, and that’s what it really is, right: energy, the less attention is given to not only the negative realities of the world, but to the negative energy within. 

When you only focus on positive energy, the negative energy inside you doesn’t go away. And if you actually take the time to investigate the nature of the mind, you see that it’s based in polarity. For every desire, there is a fear. For every preference, there is a dislike. For every person you like, there is a person you dislike. Unless you really have given yourself completely to positive energy and then you might delude yourself into believing you only experience love and light towards every being. But, for normal people, the mind operates on polarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I could focus only on the positive and in so doing raise my energy level in such a way that it would benefit others

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to lose track of the reality of the functioning of my mind consciousness system as based in polarity, where while I was focusing intensely on positive energy, I was simultaneously suppressing the negative energy, which backfired on me when this energy needed to disperse and I ended up attracting exactly an equal amount of negative experiences as the positive experiences I got so excited about. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the deleterious effect existing within energy at all has on the physical substance of and as my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the physical trumps energy every time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss the common sense of the physical, here.



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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 29 Jun 2020, 04:27

Day 52- Physical Trumps Energy

I realized that I was sort of aligning myself with the entire existence and always forcing myself to be at the cutting edge of whatever was happening. Within this, was a sort of competition, where what I really wanted was to feel important, like I was needed, and in so doing exposing a point of lack; I felt like I needed to compensate for other areas in my life which need work: getting a stable job, getting a Life Partner, building effective relationships. I thought and believed that if I could make myself stand out through going interdimensional, that would compensate for the areas in my physical life where I lacked. Of course, this goes back to childhood trauma and not recognizing my value as a physical being, so there are a whole lot of issues there to open up. But my solution to my problems was not sustainable. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting a job and sticking to it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that fearing getting and sticking to a job implies that I have defined getting and sticking to a job as negative.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define getting and sticking to a job as negative

When and as I see myself go into a negative emotional reaction towards getting and sticking to a job, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that getting and sticking to a job is essential to support my life on Earth. 

I commit myself to get and stick to a job



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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 04 Jul 2020, 09:53

Day 53- Lack of a Support Network

I was doing some reading on male depression, and it mentioned how it was important for men to have a support network to deal with their depression. Some people to bounce your thoughts off of, to talk about what you are going through, and to perhaps gain additional perspectives or insights one had not previously considered. Taking a look at my life, I realize and understand that I don't have a support network, like, at all. Why would this be so?

What it comes down to is: I have not created a support network in my life. Despite having 'Met' countless people, my intention or direction within meeting these people has always been obfuscated by self-interest (read: limitation) in one form or another.

If it was the people I 'Met' because I wanted a job offer from them, I was only considering my survival. Perhaps I used manipulation to charm them into thinking I was a good candidate for the job. Since I was not Directive within Self-Honesty in my approach to our interaction = the relationship didn't end up being supportive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach potential employers/managers from the perspective of manipulating them to create an image within their minds of me as employable, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding the importance of Expressing myself Here, in the moment, in Each and Every interaction in Self-Trust and Self-Honesty, regardless of my desire, driven by fear, of acquiring money from a job, wherein I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the outcome of a manipulated relationship is going to be tainted in such a way as to create Consequences which will prevent such a relationship from being Supportive of Me.



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tylersr
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Re: Tyler's Journey to Life

Postby tylersr » 06 Jul 2020, 05:14

Day 54- Self-abuse through substance addiction

Having a look at my patterns of substance intake, I see that I have extensively abused my body through ingesting this substance or that. While, at this point, I no longer lean on the hard drugs I used to participate with and within, there are a number of timeloops involving substance use within which I continue to participate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ingest substances simply for the energetic high I experience while under the influence of drugs

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into a point of no return where I take the substance into my human physical body and then immediately manifest the experience of regret because ‘now my day will be conditioned upon and by this substance’ and I believe I have limited myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can limit myself with substance intake

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manifest the experience of regret within and as myself in relation to substance intake, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that I don’t even begin to understand how such substances physically work in my body, but in-take them anyway




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