Carlton's Journey To Life

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Carlton
Posts: 903
Joined: 15 Sep 2013, 22:52
Location: California/Nevada

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 12 Sep 2019, 21:04

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... me-and-so/

Day 847: Taking Responsibility for the Experience of Me (And So)

Adding fuel to the fire is a worthless desire for every mind constantly doing so, where some of the decisions we make we think will replace the ‘experience of me’ in a moment of uncertainty, that’s where a high is created around an expectation that I need to do this for my survival, no matter what it is we believe this is it, that’ll put us right where we need to be, but when it’s all said and done and the energy is released, we’re left with a feeling of defeat, where was it worth it not to see an alternative way that could have changed this experience of me.

At times we beg and plea for the pain to cease in a moment of discomfort without feeling a thing, but a feeling that comes up that nobody love me when things are not how we expected them to be, what’s not seen is how we’ve excommunicated ourselves from people in our world we thought would reach back out to us, but when they don’t we say what’s wrong and blame them for the experience of me, so we hibernate in wait for the next energy fix to pull us out of our self-created funk, and when it comes we’re quick to run back into the same mind junk again.

One hell of an experience this life we’ve chose, an instrumental experiment to subside our human nature, unbeknownst to us an action well needed that’s no accident when looking at how life was created, as something you can’t destroy, no matter how much you try, but lie to ourselves that this is so, a premeditated disposition to place ourselves in a position of correcting and changing our spiteful intention, it should be forbidden to sow discord amongst the brothering of self, that’s bothersome to every human being alive, I mean we’re choosing not to see the finer things of life, like how we’re all connected and how this world was designed, that’ll take oneself out of a selfish mindset and place us here out of the stench of fear, so that every last one of us can see things clear that will come when we all correct our desires, to realize these desires are just work for hire constructs of the mind that corrupts our experiences, that causes consequences for us to have to walk through and creates this experience of me.

You see, things like this we’re unable to conceive, but perceive there’s someone else pulling our strings, that we accept as a protagonist, more than a possibility, because obviously we’re looking the wrong way, never once taking heed that this experience of me is a problem I didn’t foresee, but undoubtedly have control over every time I roll over and wake up to a new day, in every moment is a chance for me to take a stand, that doesn’t erase what we’ve done in the past, where all we can do is to pull ourselves through and learn from the mistakes we’ve made.

Interesting point when learning from our mistakes, it's taking a lead role that breaks the cycle of emotion and belief, that I’ve become Emo to the notion that others are the problem that has nothing at all to do with me, so along we walk in perception and belief that the world really owes me something, bumping heads with those who really care and suppose our relationships will stay the same, while at the same time knowing that it won’t but don’t stop, being that we’re so used to conflict, where I’ll con you with flicks of my own self-interest until you get the picture of my Ego, and where energy go we’re certain to go that’s concerning for all parties involved, but to solve this problem and get to a resolve, takes more than just a fall, therefore;


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to call on energy with the idea that it would get me out of the moods I’m in and so change the experience of me to happiness.

I forgive myself that I have accept and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe the experience of me should be define by how I feel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a feeling of loneliness within the experience of me, by letting my ego step in and take it’s revenge, in moments of interacting with others in an unorderly fashion, that sabotages the relationships I’ve had with other, that so changed the experience of me from being happy to gloomy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have lived within the idea of gloom and doom and pending destruction, that I let distract me from seeing that finer things of life, like how we are/I am connected with all that is here on this planet and in existence as life, and how it all works, that’s a work of art for me to step into the becoming of who I am as life, to so live the experience of me to the utmost and not almost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the world/others in my world for the experience of me every time I choose not to take responsibility for the reactions I have from feeling others can make me feel a certain way, as a collective, without considering how powerlessness is a point of giving ones power away to ideas/perceptions and beliefs, that ushers one into waking up on the wrong side of the bed every morning, and so mourn about the experiences we have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought/to think being positive/thinking positively, is the key to having a positive experience/outcome in my life, without realizing how through my positive thinking, creates an eventual negative experience for others in the world and shortly thereafter myself, that’s an actual sabotage towards a substantial way of living, to living within a fixed point of energy, that once I move away from this energy fix I place myself in the experience of being here and living life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be happy, that’s then replaced by sadness, when the happiness runs out, or better yet money runs out or gets low, in the moment of self-interested fulfillment, but not always that it comes and goes, this happiness feeling with its pros and cons, as defined as a manufactured energy response to getting my way/will fulfilled, therefore if I create the experience of me as a every Here moment, happiness would be an expression I live, and so when living in every moment in awareness of my experiences, I can grow to reach my utmost potential.


We make everything clean from the outside looking in, the perception of no flaws to generate acceptance, but when this acceptance is rejected, we crawl back into the shell from whence we came, and so the experience of us stay the same, but slowly and surely we’re moving away from always being in a rut, and that’s why I chose to take this time to perpetuate standing up. Taking Responsibility for the Experience of Me. (And So) You’re it!

Thanks for reading.



User avatar
Carlton
Posts: 903
Joined: 15 Sep 2013, 22:52
Location: California/Nevada

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 19 Sep 2019, 23:52

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... is-needed/

Day 848: When Correction is Needed

At times I find myself getting ahead of myself, moving too fast that seems ok, but really isn’t, being that afterward when going back over whatever I’ve done, a subtle disappointment sets in, and so for a moment beat myself up over what it is that I did, like “come on man, this is not your best”, where what tends to happen is doing thing within a point of reaction, that’s easy to justify as ‘this making sense’, but after looking at it again, I come to my senses and slow myself down to see the correction that’s needed, that’s not an easy feat by any means to have to do things over again and/or to correct myself until I’m over it, meaning have completely walked the point out with all its attachments, no matter how many times it take, is a constant things I do to correct my mistakes, being that the presentation of what I’m living should be consistent in fact, and although fact begets fact, it can sometimes become easy to get distracted, not always by others but within disseminating a line, then find myself going in too deep and overlook things, and that’s when I realize when correction is needed, therefore;


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize until after the fact, that a correction is needed for some of the things I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get ahead of myself (at times), when doing things too fast, moving too fast and overlook a mistakes being made, that even if no one notice, I have to live with me and can only correct myself, where through using vulnerability I’m able to face myself that shows the point of self-honesty when sharing myself, where if I’m able to point things out that I see, then should be able to point out my own flaws and points of correction needed, and so share them unconditionally, and that’s fine with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted when doing things, like writing, or other things that seems to come easily, where at times I tend to go in too deep and lose sight on the point I’m trying to make, and that’s where mistakes are made, so need to slow myself down and take a step back to make sure I’m still on track, with the actual point at hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hand myself a headache, after seeing what I’ve done is not my best, or at my best, that should best help me, before I’m able to assist others when walking that same point and that’s for me.

So when and as I see myself, moving too fast and doing things within a point of reaction, and so distract myself from being here, by going too deep in my mind trying to disseminate a line I wrote, and/or adding too much into a simple task, to the point of overcomplicating it, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand how easy it is for me to complicate things for myself, and to distract myself with the idea that I got this, that needs my constant attending to, to not fall into the point of missing mistakes, but to stand back up and correct them effectively after realizing that which is amiss, and so,

I commit myself to correcting myself when needed, but more so to be aware of these little moments of self-distractions and reactions when doing thing, to make sure that I’m clear and here, with a cleared starting point to walk through the details of whatever it is that I’m doing, emotion free, in specificity.

Thanks for reading.




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