Carlton's Journey To Life

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Carlton
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Location: California/Nevada

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 22 Nov 2019, 22:01

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... rfections/

Day 857: All my Imperfections

Look at me and what do you see, is it perfect to think we deserve to be flawed, or is a flaw to think that we’re flawed in the first place, externally speaking, where we’re all born with birthmarks and marks that signature our individualism, from the way we walk when walking the way we do, to how we’re shaped and molded by our environment, what’s wrong with that but a hat too big to fit in the eyes of society, that constantly lies to our external appearance, I mean what’s the difference in being “too old for me” and/or wet behind the ears? Is it the fear that onlooker will classify me as a basket case when I’m with you, in any case why bask in what we think others will think about us, which is the flaw of judgement in itself, that rubs shoulders so carefully with consequence, it’s obvious that common sense is neglected to protect the idea that I must be imperfect because of the way I feel about what I think you think about me.

Not good enough or ever so ready to step into the ever so changing me to once and for all experience my utmost potential, that was laid out before me on a silver platter of sort, to sort out these infractions and get to the good part, the part of me that barrows the scream for acceptance and accept all that I am, without a proud look or cocky demeanor, I mean I’m-perfect-on being satisfied, with a status that’s only defined in character, narrated by my imperfections, without really questioning, “Is there really more to me”, seeing it and walking into it confidently that would support me to achieve the reaching of my utmost potential.

The consequence to this is a life unfulfilled, lived at half best at best, or better yet like a flag at half mass, that honors the fallen soldiers that never had a chance to get up, and/or gave up in mid stride, it why we impose a rose for the things we love and the things we love we soon forget, and the rose we gave soon wither and die away, to return back to the earth from which it was seeded. The same as a thought that can also be deleted, after gifting oneself the correction that could be symbolized as the rose, where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impose upon myself a life lived at half best, at best believing in the thought that I’m imperfect and so would never have a chance to experience the best of me, then simply say “Delete” and walk the correction of, “When and as I see myself thinking/perceiving/believing that I have too many imperfection to experience/reach my utmost potential, I stop and breathe”. And within this comes a seeing, where then, “I see/realize/understand that the flaws I assume define my external appearance, is the flaw of self-judgement in the service of other, that I allow the idea of others renting space in my head, is the acceptance that I am imperfect and should just accept this idea”, in which case a commitment is a life-long agreement that can stand a lifetime if we let it, that “I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to ever go back to this way of thinking again”.

It’s needed to understand what flaws really is and imperfections that’ll never be perfect in a sense, when in the words it says, ‘I’m-perfect’ that only make sense, but drawn away from just how perfect one really is, when seeing what it is that we’re facing as a flaw, and look forward to correcting exactly what we saw, (internally speaking) that’s certain to change our outside appearance, and the experiences we have when strolling alone in our worlds.

Where every thought is a dislocation from the location I’m in and every location is a pin point placement of the experiences I have, knowing that my experiences most of the times change with my mood, it’s rude to think that I’m fine exactly where I am, outside of impressing “comfort as and enemy to progression”, it’s uncomfortable to think I’m progressing with imperfections, so the thing is, to lose the idea that I’m not good enough, and replace it with “For who” am I living in this world for in the first place, that’s (me) being perfectly capable of placing a stop to this diminishing way of thinking, and see that all of me is in perfect progression in line for what’s to come, just as long as I continue walking my process accordingly, and absorbing into acceptance all that I see needs to be reversed, and reverse the curse of holding onto ideas/perceptions and beliefs, that steals away my chance to live the best of me. Therefore;


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to encapsulate the idea that I’m imperfect, instead of asking the question, “In who’s eye’s and what for”, meaning how (so) can it be, when all that is here, is as I am here also, experiencing this existence in some way or the other, which make our individualism a point of self-creation and the ideas I have is just a point of projection, that obviously came from me through the soaking up of societal media, that medians the connection between me and my utmost potential, in which case it’s simple, I must be the point of correction, to reinsert this connection and cut out all distraction, to have a direct line to Self as the ultimate satisfaction, and I won’t be satisfied until I make this happen, and pass it on to others to see how perfect we really are, it’s a notice in awareness to see how perfection really starts, which starts with correcting the separation between what I think and who I am as life, and that’s all I got for now, as I am a work in progress.

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
Posts: 914
Joined: 15 Sep 2013, 22:52
Location: California/Nevada

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 30 Nov 2019, 19:57

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... rspective/

Day 858: An Explaining Perspective

In physical reality it’s a pain, in layman’s terms it’s a shame, the attempt to explain what you see that others may not, that shadows the shallow with doubt, momentarily unable to swim through the deep end of the mind, in times when superficiality is needed, we bleed the impossible that’s deep seeded and not talked about, in disbelief of what’s coming out of our mouth, so to choose our words carefully when explaining how reality works, that works the same for everyone, if every One would work together. But getting another to see what you see is like pulling teeth, best to watch what you say, because the most commonsensical things (when explain) can be taken the wrong way, and thrown back at you inappropriately to save face, and turned around to fit a desirable feeling of the other, that fires up a reaction in you, if not careful and gives the other person the satisfaction of seeing you become agitated.

A bit complicated when trying to explain to someone that there’s more to life, when asked the question “what is life really all about, and the experiences you have, please explain them to me” , I mean some of the things we’ve seen and experienced (individually) is not accepted as a talking point in most circles, and would (in a way) hurt the sensibility of those whose asking, so to pacify their attempt to extract knowledge and information, is to classify oneself as being the point of crazy, I’ve experience in the sense of big eye and thought to be on drugs, then shrug my shoulder with a smirk and subject to go into, when a change is needed, it’s deep seeded to think that we really want to know about everything, all at once then said that’s something I didn’t want to know about at this time, that interrupts the location in which we stand, a designed Plan that EX-communicates us from our reality, to casually stay within the comforts of today.

It’s like ‘X the plain part and indulge me with your beliefs’, where if it feels good to you, then it’ll feel good to me, and if what you say don’t comes with a feeling, then rest assure I’ll be leaving the conversation, or debunk the conversation no matter how much it makes sense, not realizing how the mind loves to circumvent, and invent worst case scenarios that catapults me into fear, all the why’ll believing that this can’t be real, I mean why can’t I see it, and where did you originally get this information from, and lord help you if you say YouTube, they’ll turn and run, but then you have some that for most part accepts you for what you stand for, without judging you, but will tell you this information is only for you to see, which begets the question, in which way are we choosing to explain, is it the same way we would like to hear new News, no matter what question is asked to you, is the explanation of some use to them as you?

Lol, if you want to lose a friend, let it all out, go in head first, where it’s sure to be thought about, there’s something wrong with your head, but if you want to keep a friend do consider their location point, and pin point placement when walking their own process, where a sharing is what I realize for myself, not just what I heard, I can explain the experiences of me to assist with others questioning, and the lesson is for me to be able to see things in real time, in what I walked in alignment with the investigation I’ve done, and as the saying goes “anything else would be uncivilized”, in the eyes of a society that only sees what we want, and if we don’t want it, why look in that direction, that’s why it’s important to direct our conversations, where what come up is “give and little, take a little” we all are human beings, that’s pieces of you and me spread out infinitely, so just treat others as you would like to be treated yourself, without the shock and awe they may not be ready for yet.

Interesting the dynamic of testing ones resolve, where after realizing something we’re tested to see if we fall or fail to follow through with our points of correction, that bets the mind that I’ve learned my lesson, like when I first started writing this post, I was approached by someone who had a lot on their mind and wanted to talk about their child and the idea of being ungrateful in a sense, where a lot came up within me that would have made common sense, but I didn’t say a word and let this person talk them-self out, to then at the end just said a few things and before they left, told them, “Don’t forget to breathe”, real simple and that’s it, as they answered all their own questions, and left appreciating that moment of interaction, which showed me that at times simplicity is the key, and to be aware of what needs to be said or not.

On the other hand, telling someone “Oh you’ll be fine” or “Everything will be alright”, is not enough when one is overwhelmed by the stuff that’s coming up in their mind and can’t explain it, and so asked for some clarity on what they’re experiencing, at which time I only explained the specificities of what they said, that gave them a better understanding of what they were facing, that we’ve all faced the same at some point in time, where the cross reference then came after I saw the person again, who showed a different state from which they were previously in, that blew me away in a sense for being able to experience both sides of the “Explain” point in real time, to realize just how awesome process really is when understanding the mind, and applied correctly the corrections in real time, that I’m extremely grateful for, the walk into life, with more to come as I am a work in progress, and accept all that is me to be corrected effectively. Investigate it for yourself!


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been an over-explainer at time when it wasn’t needed, then at time when it was, only said things like “Everything is ok”, and/or “You’ll be fine”, unable to differentiate between the times when deep explanations was need and simplicity should be at play, and so intermixed the two, that begets the question my starting point for wanting to explain to deeply and/or keeping it simple when more explanation was need, that showed my partialness or sorts along with the point of seeking attention, that keep me on the reverse side of things until, I learned to listen to what exactly was being said by the other, to then breathe through my explanations.


What I realize is that an effective explanation comes when one has listened attentively to what is being said by the other, without interruption, giving them the space and time to answer their own questions, in the sense of seeing what they’ve laid out for themselves – to then add onto it if needed, as this for me is and effective motivation point for me to continue walking my process of becoming the living words, so that I’m able to live what I speak about and so explain.

Thanks for reading.



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Carlton
Posts: 914
Joined: 15 Sep 2013, 22:52
Location: California/Nevada

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 09 Dec 2019, 21:34

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... ltime-job/

Day 859: Awareness, A Fulltime Job

State of beings are like well-placed seeing, where we place ourselves in a destructive mode to only see what we like to not deal with what we don’t like, in distrust of our sight, the bartering with the mind, where if I close my eyes real slow that means I’m manipulating my vision and looking for sympathy for this hopeless feeling, hoping that others will side with my procrastination, waiting on someone to tell me I’m right or what’s right and what to do, but complacent to a degree when adjacent to doubt, as if I can’t see my own way out, but don’t want to get out, I’m aware of this, but have fixed it so that I’m scared of these little spurts of awareness.

At rarest, I’m aware of the state I’m in, that blends in nicely with the point of escapism, but you can’t run away from yourself if you tried, and the messes we’ve made in our own damned lives, that comes from the debt we used to enslave ourselves to greed in spite of one another as ourselves, unaware of the problems we cause each other, that’s a problem that needs to be corrected today, where just because you have money to fly away, doesn’t mean that the problems will just dissipate, so we wait in counting on the world to end, looking to start all over from the beginning again, minus the ones we think is not our friends, while the friends we have are really not our friends, but we’re aware of that every time we choose, not to “hurt their feeling” when they’re crying the “Blues”, in hopes we don’t lose a “like-minded” individual, that as Egotistical as I allow myself to be, it’s us who are constantly at war with ourselves, making decisions to appease someone else, before me.

In the moment when things seem so easy to do, is when we lose awareness on what we really must do, that comes when a moment of breathing room is acquired, where we want to pull the trigger on our utmost desire, then realize, this pattern I’ve allowed before, that leaves a sore taste in the mouths of others, unintentionally intended to follow through with what we said, that will happen, but not within the time we expected, where the test is, now that I see the bigger picture of things, will I still make the same damn mistakes again? And when will I learn from the mistakes I’ve made, if I don’t take a stand now that will have a long-lasting effect.

A job can easily be turned into a form of expression, especially when it’s awareness as the point of a lesson, where what I see coming up in my mind, I take the time to stop it at it’s inception, and forgive myself as a point of correction, that lessens the possibility of things becoming amiss, although I’m not perfect and still walking my process, I am progressing forward and into more awareness, being aware of not only the state that I’m in, but the consideration of others and the state they’re in, before choosing to say some of the things I do, unless the things I say are needed in the moment of truth, and still then, I’m selective with the word I speak, and if a mistake is made I must correct it immediately, to not leave anything lingering/festering in the minds of others, that way I’ve made clear the understanding of me.

In general, awareness is the point of seeing things with clarity, but self-awareness is the point of true intimacy, where INTernal Investigation MAkes for spot on Accuracy, that nurses the body into an evolutional state, being aware of my reactions I choose to manipulate, to validate the different characters we go into, is the same as accepting the idea of powerlessness, that comes with a feeling to not doing nothing about it, it’s the way we stay within a blissful reality of ignorance, that interrupts our self-awareness, injecting fear into the care we have, to only care about the things we think makes us feel good. Therefore;


I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand with my real eye, how I put a tint on the things I should have a closer look at, in awareness when seeming unimportant and so push aside.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set aside my awareness for the point of blissful ignorance for so long, that I lose track on prominent things I really need to look at, such as the responsibility I have to myself as a point of survival, to when getting a moment of breathing room/having what I need to make things happen, to not go back into the pattern of thinking things will always be available and so want to spend what I really don’t have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe that I’m ok with just looking at things and not investigating them within self-awareness of what I’m able to do and/or not able to do at the time, so on and so forth.


And so the point of awareness can be a bit personal for each, that shows what we choose to look at or not see for self-interested reasons, that’s worth our attentiveness to what comes up within the experiences of us, that makes awareness a full time job, that can easily be facilitated corrected and lived as an expression, because we all are really aware of the things we do, so step into the moment of truth, to see what we are allowing in our own individual worlds, to be able to see and treat all in this world as ourselves, in oneness and equality with each other as ourselves, and as life as a whole as ourselves, doing what’s best for all in the awareness of us, where if in us we all trust this world will change. And that’s all I got for now.

Thanks for reading.




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