Carlton's Journey To Life

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Carlton
Posts: 942
Joined: 15 Sep 2013, 22:52
Location: California/Nevada

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 14 May 2020, 22:19

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... rspective/

Day 883: Appreciation, The Good and Bad (Perspective)

Along with the good someone says about you, is it possible to appreciate the bad some talks about you, sought out of self-interest to make one look good, under reasons defined for their own self-recognition, which really shouldn’t have to be the case, because of being accepted by others just the way we are, that’s cool in a way how we normally are, without all the extra additive s*** we stuff in to a personality, that characters our individualism in division with others, who then may turn around and appreciate seeing you for who you are, where the “Fool me once” aspect may come into play – that’s Facing Our Own Ludicrousness before learning to change, like looking at one’s own starting point for going into things, and watching how vulnerable we are with those presenting themselves as trustworthy, and deserving of a friendship they’ve said to have fostered on their own, but one cannot spin this merry go round alone = if the appearance is appreciation but really apprehensive to the plight of another, it’s extensive the length we’ll go to to make ourselves look right, until ‘the cat is let out the bag’, could it be that things are in reverse, that doesn’t mean we should judge another for what we may have done first.

I mean it’s like a curse to suppress our own self-worth, in exchange for the insecurity that I’m not enough, which is made up in the mind right behind the words ‘shut up’, thinking what I have to say may fall on deaf ears, when all the while this is just related to fear and should appreciate what each situation is showing us, that may come in a way we least expected it, and from whom we’re gifted to have know thus far, it’s always an eye opener to see yourself in another, that un-blankets the smothering we’ve done to our expression, where you can’t blame someone for our own acceptances, we’ve allowed in our past that came around full circle, and think, is this deserving when I’m a changed person, or is this change just a dress rehearsal for what we haven’t corrected yet.

Before programming ourselves it’s rehearsed the mind states we go into, not considering the consequences we may cause upon ourselves, which is consciousness playing out the part of human nature aloud, as we proudly sit back thinking I’m quick to the punch, and rather enjoy how easy it is to beget spite with spite, thinking it’s alright because you did it to me first, as we sabotage the relationship by making things worse, and quick to walk away thinking I can’t stand this person, when it’s the personality we’re presented we can’t stand to correct, and because we can’t see it we take things personal, and purposefully hold the others feet to the fire, lying to ourselves “I don’t appreciate what you did”.

But because we’re not standing as the person in consideration, we’d rather debate in validation they don’t know what they’re talking about, instead of appreciating how we’re shown the flaws in expectations, we'd soon wait for the right time to put them in their place, and only later on realize we didn’t have to save face, about what it is we’ve chosen to miss take as a mistake, and even though it may have come be way of another, if I appreciate the uncovering of a deep seeded personality, within myself would be best for me to correct and move on, because as it was said you need all your relationships when moving forward in this process, instead of secluding myself and staying within the mess I know best.

What I realize is that it’s not really that hard to appreciate the bad of another, along with the good if my starting point brings it back to me, in the sense of investigating the things I see in another, that I too may have perpetuated to/towards others in my past, because when it all boils down to it, we bring things upon ourselves, but blame the other person for mirroring the hardness of human nature, I mean we all still exist as this hardness of human nature, that is possible to correct and become a living example, and what I mean by living example is to inaugurate a new start, of being aware of the things we come up with to say in the moment, and with how we choose to say it and to whom it may concern, should be considered the ripple effect it may cause in our ‘Worlds/War with Relationships’.

With this could it be I/we’ve been partial to appreciation, only appreciating the things that feeds our self-interested Ego, but when the Ego takes it revenge we start to feel low, instead of slowing ourselves down to see how we should appreciate both, the good and the bad shown as this would only make us stronger, where when corrected, together we stand stronger as all humanity alike, that starts with you and I putting aside the need to fight, that just so might be the light that’s talked about at the end of the tunnel, that was never reached for being so goddamn dishonest, I mean could it be that on the other side of right is common sense, but to get there we all have to stop chasing after broken promises. Therefore -


Appreciate this; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have appreciated what I wanted to, as someone being there for me in my time of “need”, and all the good things I felt that complemented me, and the compliments from others made me feel at ease, without considering I should also have a look at the other side of the equation, where with the bad, I pushed aside to give way to the point of agitation, instead of appreciating being able to see in real time, points I may have existed as and not corrected, by way of another showing me my own human nature.

Where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be partial with appreciation, only appreciating the good and disregarding the bad as something not worth my appreciation, but not to say you should just accept the bad being done unto you, as this would imply, me purposefully given into the plight of another, but to consider in appreciation what the situation is showing me, so the next time my starting point for going into things is corrected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been one to be quick to fall into the conflict of things, welcoming it in order to say I won on the other side, then only appreciating having the last word with more people on my side, that has sabotaged a few relationships in my life, but interesting how when this last situation that I just faced with someone came up, after the initial shock of it, instead of rushing into making a statement about my ‘rightness’, I chose to slow myself down and look at the situation from an objective point of view, along with sharing it with a few people in my world, that gave me the space needed to bring things back to self, that brought up this point of appreciation that I hadn’t looked at in this way.


So to me when appreciating what we see/face/shown and do, see being done and so express what we learned, no matter good or bad, helps in piecing myself back together into being the best version of me, and hacks many points of conflict, fear and insecurity, because I’ve taken the BLAME away from them to EMAIL BACK to Self, Self-Responsibility - That I now can use Appreciation in a constructive way for Myself, when it comes to the bad/negative problems and conflictual situation, that stops me from getting all roweled up about correctable occurrences in my life, to be able live Appreciation as my form of expression.

Thanks for reading.



User avatar
Carlton
Posts: 942
Joined: 15 Sep 2013, 22:52
Location: California/Nevada

Re: Carlton's Journey To Life

Postby Carlton » 22 May 2020, 01:21

https://carltontedford.wordpress.com/20 ... t-a-point/

Day 884: Don’t Want to See it (Just a Point)

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first it’s practice to deceive, but interesting how the deceit I find is an attempt to turn a blind eye towards what comes up in the mind, we somehow connect to others that has nothing to do with our thought process, but suppress the negative in what these thoughts are, wondering how is it that I attach others to the worst of what I think, where if not corrected correctly could come up when least expected, unless we purposefully blame what’s coming up on another that they can’t see but feel within their being, like direct seeing but unaware of what we’re really looking at, that I have experienced as the negative, something must be going on, then go into fear about it as if I did something wrong, suppressing the movement that moved me away from being here, until the next positive energy comes up and think I’m in the clear.

It's fascinating how we’ll get a feeling, a chill of sorts where the hairs on the back of our neck stands up and think somebody must be talking about me, or get an itch in the palm of our hand and thing I’m about to get some money, then sit there waiting and nothing ever happens, then suppress it because we don’t want to see that it’s not real. Makes you wonder if anything we’ve ever thought about is even close to being real, I mean I’ve remained hopeful throughout my life thinking that change would just fall in my lap, as if I could take a nap and wake up a changed person, like praying to the lord ‘please take these burdens away from me’, then get off my knees thinking now I’m saved, because I begged and pleaded to some unseen entity, but what remained is the same thoughts, same feelings, same emotions, and hide the fact that I’m still the same care-actor during devotion, hoping that no one notices what’s still coming up in my mind, and so have become crafty at creating things to hide behind.

As a child growing up we looked up to people telling us what to do, and how to be and what we should do once we’re of age, I mean I became comfortable in following the beliefs of what they said, and created my life around it thinking no one can tell me anything, and when someone would try I didn’t want to see it, and so hid behind the idea of trying to embarrass another in front of others, pointing out (superficially) what I deemed as flaws in them, that I also got from growing up and being exposed in front of the church, as a protection and defense mechanism to not be put in the hot seat, but if I would’ve just looked at what they were saying I would have seen more of me, to so move forward into correcting the worst of me to bring out the best of me.

But I didn’t and now I’m sitting here writing out how I didn’t want to see it, that could have cut time off of my process by just having a look at it, because what I didn’t realize is that when having a look at what you don’t want to see, soon comes the acceptance that what I have been existing as and now become aware of still (for most part) needs correction, like I can’t correct the present by sweeping the past under the rug, and try walking into a character presentation of change that’ll make matters worse, for me, because the past is still present that’s why these unexpected thoughts continue to surface, so the dessert to it all is to correct the past first. Therefore;

What I found is that I still existed as some old patterns/habits/ways and behaviors from my past, that I didn’t want to see then and still at times not now, thinking out with the old and in with the new, leaving the past in the past, unchecked and uncorrected, and although some points have been walked, there’s still a lot of memories left, and wonder why the same s*** keeps coming up in my mind, it’s because before letting things go unconditionally, I hadn’t embraced it as a part of me/pieces of me that I continue to let float around in the back of my mind, waiting to be triggered by an idea/picture or perception of another, or even a smell can possibly trigger old thoughts/memories to come up, then all hell breaks loose, in the sense of being overwhelmed by them, when all I had to do was to accept the bad and ugly also as me, to be introspected and corrected to start directing my life accordingly, and sort out what I don’t want to see that comes up from time to time, to in time express the best of me all the time = Have a look at it.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed, to have paid too much attention to the things I didn’t need to see, instead of having a look at the things I don’t want to see, where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have deceived myself into turning a blind eye towards what comes up in my mind, that I sometimes connect to others in my world nowadays, that really don’t have anything to do with my thought process, and so within not wanting to see it, suppress the negative of what these thoughts are about, that goes back to memories of my past I left unchecked and uncorrected, and now when they surface I attach those in my current reality to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/perceive/believe, that because I’m walking process I’m ok and don’t need to go back and have a look to correct what’s still coming up from my past, as some memories that I don’t want to see, with the idea that I’m already changing, in my mind, instead of changing my physical reality to being the living change in fact, by having a look at these thoughts that triggers memories of my past, to so stand within and as them, embrace them to then introspect and correct.

So, When and as I see myself not wanting to see what comes up in my mind, I attach others to for no apparent reason, and so, or be shown/mirrored through another what I still exist as and not want to see it, I stop and breathe. I see/realize/understand, how I still need to continue to go back and correct more memories of my past, that when coming up causes a reaction within me, as I then accept and allow my mind to randomly bring up people in my present to attach to it, not realizing how I have defined myself as the memories of my past, thinking/perceiving/believing this is still who I am (in a way), but not.

Therefore, I commit myself to the continued correction of the memories of my past, no longer accepting and allowing myself to think/perceive/believe that I’m over it, and/or some of these memories don’t need correction because look at me now, but instead to replace this idea with action, acting on any and every movement/moment of memory that comes up within and as me, so to stop it at its inception, not go into it, or bring another into it and react even more, but to look at it, embrace it, correct it and move on. [Note to Self-] How do you know that you ‘don’t want to see it’, unless you’ve already looked at it?

Thanks for reading.




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