Supporting somebody else

Ask questions related to your individual process or life in the experience of yourself and mind - pertaining to thoughts, emotions, feelings, behaviours, habits etc. This thread is dedicated to those who'd like to understand more about the inner-workings of your own mind and then effects of this on your life and relationships.
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Raúl
Posts: 341
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Supporting somebody else

Post by Raúl »

Hi! I'd to ask for perspectives about thing that I felt. I have recently gone through a change within me, that feels like there is no turning back, and within this context I have been able to conect with people as I have never done. Because now I don't judge them or hate them or reject them, now I have accepted myself as I am, or at least I am in the process of realizing that, and so I went to my hometown and I met all my old friends who I hadn't seen in a while, and being able to open myself, basically, for first time in my life since I was a little child, has been a very interesting experience. I am able to see when I am in those moments what is happening to the person within his/her body, and his relationships with himself, not that I clearly see it and specifically, or I have any particular interest on doing so, it's just that I see like this solid energy within them, which is preventing them from being in the physical, the same way that it happens with me, and it is different from person to person. I am just going like in a... blind way so to speak, like, I don't want to judge people, it's not that I don't want, rather I am open to do it but I will forgive myself for my reaction within myself. And in this blind way I have no expectations, there is people who show me more, people who show me less, I just live my life normally, as I am, but if the chance comes I share some support, I think I do it because I want people to realize themselves for themselves, because I have seen my own consecuence I know what it is like. And so, I have supported some friends, others I haven't, I have just played with them because I went to my hometown to play with my old friends, and so the ones I have supported personally I have shared myself unconditionally and we have gone into a moment where everything compress in the moment, and I am there telling them my truth, for them if they can use it for themselves, and some of them have understand parts of the way the mind works, the whole picture. But it hadn't happened to me that a being was really interested in what I am saying, because you know, if that person is interested, I will start sharing support, because it's time to act, and we need everybody, and so if I see a person with genuine interest, a person who is tired, a person who has had enough, I am there to share the support. And this person was my fother, my fother is living a depression, it's basically what I went through when I was 18-19, after breaking up with my girlfriend, being addicted to weed and porn, being fired from my job, and so much more, in that moment I just broke, I was a whole week cring to the point where you are breaking yourself within yourself, this is what it happened to me. This was my consecuence, and in my fother I see his own unique consecuence, being himself 58 years old, and it has come a point in his life where he has had enough. I don't know what to expect, I don't have expectations but now and then a part of me imagines him supporting himself as I have done and I guess a reaction comes to me, one that is not real. I think it's cool that he has this interest within my words, it comes from a part of him which knows that I am talking to him, and he really listens to me. But the way his physical exists... there is a massive consecuence, and I am willing to supporting with what I can, I am willing to speed things up, for himself. And well what brought me to make this blog was this sensation I had that I knew that my fother was in my hands, or rather, he had taken my hand, I don't make opinions about him being my fother I am here to support everybody, I am here to support him as a person, and he is being new within himself, and because I know him very well, I am able to see him very clearly, and see how we can do it for him to support himself, and so I had never really supported a person to the point where he puts the base of his life into your words.
This brought an initial sensation to me... like something I had already felt, like when you see someone for what he is, and he listens, he becomes vulnerable, and you have not been the jerk you have become during your life. You have been supporting another as yourself within it, and this sensation was like, a conection? Or, a realization that I was supporting people and this world to be their bests? And that I had now a responsability, conected to the same responsability I have taken within myself since the day I started walking my process slowly but surely.
And then, my mind, who sometimes is instrusive, imagined, hey! let's react! What if this person totally missunderstand your words (in a scenario that probably will never happen, because my words do are supportive and honest, but possible nonetheless, since we are here to imagine) so missunderstands my words and commit suicide? And then I reacted like, in a victimism, the same that would have lead this person to commit suicide.

Raúl
Posts: 341
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: Supporting somebody else

Post by Raúl »

And then with my imaginative mind I went to not cool places, like, briefly seeing that what if I am not able to support people because I am not yet responsable for myself. But I think I am, I trust myself, and I am more than ever commited to my process, but I still solving some fears within me though. And I thought well! I am alone, I could just support myself and see the truth. But I took the easy way and I came here to ask for perspectives/support! Since I am not alone and I don't have to be alone

Gabriel
Posts: 169
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 21:07
Location: Ghent

Re: Supporting somebody else

Post by Gabriel »

The best way to support others is to support yourself to become the best version you can be FOR YOURSELF

Otherwise 'supporting others' becomes a diversion from the One relationship that should be your primary concern: the relationship with yourself

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mikelammers
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Location: Netherlands
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Re: Supporting somebody else

Post by mikelammers »

Within that I see myself going through a similar proces where I started to see my relationships and I thought I was seeing my friends when It took me a long time to realize that what I was actually seeing was myself still reacting to the points I was seeing in those people. I realized I was able to see them because I was at that point in time seeing/starting to become aware of these points as myself. Thus I was all ready reacting instead of bringing it back to me.

On the flip side you need these confrontations with other people to be able to see it... Cool isn't it!

Raúl
Posts: 341
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: Supporting somebody else

Post by Raúl »

Cool Gabriel and Mike, thank you very much.
Mike, should I then forgive myself for what I have defined as healthy, or, good? And should I forgive myself for thinking that judging is justified when exists for “good”? Can you explain to me how judging according to desteni is evil, I thought it existed as support, how do you share support then?

Oh I get it, if I support people be positive, I am teaching them how to be negative, so I am sharing the whole of positive/negative, and I will always go with the limits of positive and the limits of negative, looks like judging is not justified. I will dive into eqafe’a interviews about this, I think I got it, thanks

Raúl
Posts: 341
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: Supporting somebody else

Post by Raúl »

But will I ever be able to say the words good/bad ever again? It’s like, how am I even going to talk if I don’t have opinions? Can opinions ever be based on physical reality?

Gabriel
Posts: 169
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 21:07
Location: Ghent

Re: Supporting somebody else

Post by Gabriel »

Cool questions Raúl. Yes you can use the words good/bad - when you redefine the words and release all the energetic charges from them.

Raúl
Posts: 341
Joined: 09 May 2017, 02:22

Re: Supporting somebody else

Post by Raúl »

Fair deal

Gabriel
Posts: 169
Joined: 14 Jun 2011, 21:07
Location: Ghent

Re: Supporting somebody else

Post by Gabriel »

Another perspective on supporting others :

When you walk your process in the world with other people, family friends, work, colleagues, etc. Your focus should be on 'being normal' - you are there participating with others and you are there to LEARN. You will only be supporting others 'indirectly' because of you starting to embrace yourself more, becoming more comfortable with yourself and things like that.

In this forum the startingpoint is that of everyone supporting themselves and supporting each other.

This means that here you can reach out to others and share your perspective on a question or offer an example of how you succeeded in practically applying something. For instance you will see a person writing a post about something they are struggling with. Here you can assist the person - as I have seen you do already - if the point in question is something that you have already faced and walked through and gained clarity on. You can then offer the person your insight on the matter as that may help them in looking at the situation in a different light. This is important because every single person's process is unique and every single person will have a different way of putting their experience into words.

You will also find that by supporting others in this way - you are also supporting yourself, you are developing your own self-expression as life and support, becasue you are becoming aware that others are one and equal as you. This will in turn strengthen your expression when you walk your daily life with others and finding natural ways to connect with others.

Marlen
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Joined: 12 Jun 2011, 20:16
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Re: Supporting somebody else

Post by Marlen »

Gabriel wrote: 17 Mar 2019, 22:14 Another perspective on supporting others :

When you walk your process in the world with other people, family friends, work, colleagues, etc. Your focus should be on 'being normal' - you are there participating with others and you are there to LEARN. You will only be supporting others 'indirectly' because of you starting to embrace yourself more, becoming more comfortable with yourself and things like that.

In this forum the startingpoint is that of everyone supporting themselves and supporting each other.

This means that here you can reach out to others and share your perspective on a question or offer an example of how you succeeded in practically applying something. For instance you will see a person writing a post about something they are struggling with. Here you can assist the person - as I have seen you do already - if the point in question is something that you have already faced and walked through and gained clarity on. You can then offer the person your insight on the matter as that may help them in looking at the situation in a different light. This is important because every single person's process is unique and every single person will have a different way of putting their experience into words.

You will also find that by supporting others in this way - you are also supporting yourself, you are developing your own self-expression as life and support, becasue you are becoming aware that others are one and equal as you. This will in turn strengthen your expression when you walk your daily life with others and finding natural ways to connect with others.
I fully agree. When walking process having your eyes set on 'changing others' or 'assisting others' we tend to miss out ourselves as the starting point and focal point of this process. We can't be 'best for others' if we are not yet best for self. At a personal level, it was only when I understood that I had to focus on myself and my own process when I was able to see how 'pushy' i was on wanting to help others or wanting to 'change their minds' which actually created the opposite effect of them creating a resistance to relate to me. So, it is only by living 'me' as the person that I am creating, that I am deciding to live that I am actually getting feedback from people on how it has been supportive for them to simply see my expression and how I live, which is then quite cool - but even if they didn't word it out as such, what matters ultimately is you living the best you can be and then, as you do that, certain people, situations in life will be approached in a way where you can then assist or help without even necessarily 'wanting' to do it, but simply as an expression of who you are or are deciding to be in such moments or situations.

Therefore the support - is really about self-support - once you do that for yourself, the rest is simply an expression of what you are doing for you in consideration of others' process and not wanting to 'change them' or support them - only if they ask for certain perspectives and even then, I can say we can only share our own examples, but of course there will be cases and situations where there will be other people that may have walked a similar point that can provide a reference on 'how' they supported themselves, hence the importance of this group as that network of support and also the relevance of this forum for such cases.

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